We married at around the same time as a long-term bachelor friend of ours. At 47, this was his first marriage and he became completely absorbed in her as soon as she moved to our area. Engaged within 6 months of knowing each other, married a year-and-a-half later. It was all we ever heard about from the moment of the engagement. Now that he’s married, that’s his entire life – he dumped everyone and everything. His Facebook feed is persistently, “So in love with (X). (X) is the greatest wife!” I feel for him and I can understand his feeling that he would *never* get married – and I feel for him because I know it was important to him. At the same time, he just vanished on everyone.
I stopped bothering with plans because it was constantly, “I have to check with (X),” and then we’d never hear back from him. He refused to ever make plans alone if, for some reason, she couldn’t come.
I lost another friendship shortly before the wedding, but honestly that was just the icing on top. He’d been so jealous and miserable for so long that, in retrospect, it was a great thing when it happened. He has tried contacting me here and there since the wedding (usually around notable events for *Him* – like his birthday. Still self-absorbed), but apparently gets that I have no interest in returning anything except for a, “Hey, how are you?”
He probably thinks it’s because I got married and “dumped everyone.” In reality, when he let his partner treat me like crap and refused to acknowledge it, I knew we were done and I was done with two sets of rules: one where I better be in line and another where he could say and do whatever he felt like.
We had been growing apart for a long time, and I think our wedding sent his endless jealousy into overdrive. I suspect, given that he has to protect his ego, he probably just thinks our friendship faded out. I had no desire to have a big confrontation; I could confront him about that one thing, but I couldn’t change the guy’s entire personality.
Who knows where your friends’ heads are, OP? Maybe they’re going through the thought process I’ve been in with two of my friends. Maybe they really are busy. Maybe they’ve just lost interest in the friendship. Or maybe this is the classic wax and wane you’ll see with just about every bond on a long enough timeline.