anyone else lose all their friends after getting married?

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
8677 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

It may not be because of your marriage.

Sometimes, people just walk down different paths. No real reason. That’s how life is.

Post # 5
2534 posts
Sugar bee

I feel like the same thing is happening to me! It sucks!

ETA: I don’t have any advice but I wanted you to know it’s not just you. 

Post # 7
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Yeah, I’m the first out of the friend group to get married. I feel like I’ve been kicked to the curb. I invited people over about 10 people right before the wedding, and only one person showed up. All my friends seem to busy or distracted. Some of us are going white water rafting soon, but as for hanging out during the week like normal it doesn’t happen anymore except with the one who showed up to my house when the rest didn’t.




Post # 8
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

We married at around the same time as a long-term bachelor friend of ours. At 47, this was his first marriage and he became completely absorbed in her as soon as she moved to our area. Engaged within 6 months of knowing each other, married a year-and-a-half later. It was all we ever heard about from the moment of the engagement. Now that he’s married, that’s his entire life – he dumped everyone and everything. His Facebook feed is persistently, “So in love with (X). (X) is the greatest wife!” I feel for him and I can understand his feeling that he would *never* get married – and I feel for him because I know it was important to him. At the same time, he just vanished on everyone.

I stopped bothering with plans because it was constantly, “I have to check with (X),” and then we’d never hear back from him. He refused to ever make plans alone if, for some reason, she couldn’t come. 


I lost another friendship shortly before the wedding, but honestly that was just the icing on top. He’d been so jealous and miserable for so long that, in retrospect, it was a great thing when it happened. He has tried contacting me here and there since the wedding (usually around notable events for *Him* – like his birthday. Still self-absorbed), but apparently gets that I have no interest in returning anything except for a, “Hey, how are you?”

He probably thinks it’s because I got married and “dumped everyone.” In reality, when he let his partner treat me like crap and refused to acknowledge it, I knew we were done and I was done with two sets of rules: one where I better be in line and another where he could say and do whatever he felt like.

We had been growing apart for a long time, and I think our wedding sent his endless jealousy into overdrive. I suspect, given that he has to protect his ego, he probably just thinks our friendship faded out. I had no desire to have a big confrontation; I could confront him about that one thing, but I couldn’t change the guy’s entire personality. 

Who knows where your friends’ heads are, OP? Maybe they’re going through the thought process I’ve been in with two of my friends. Maybe they really are busy. Maybe they’ve just lost interest in the friendship. Or maybe this is the classic wax and wane you’ll see with just about every bond on a long enough timeline.

Post # 9
2675 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

I felt the same thing happen to me as each of my friends got married. Sometimes my friends just tell me their husbands won’t let them go out or that its not worth the fight to them to go out. Makes me sad. They both are dealing with financial struggles and I get that but dinner once in awhile or a drive out to visit me (I did move away but not THAT far) seems within reason. I was actually worried with one of my friends that her husband wouldn’t let her be in my wedding. Thankfully on this issue she put her foot down and told him she’s doing it no matter what – we’ve been friends for 25 years! I was MOH in her wedding. It meant a lot to me that she was willing to stand up for me.

I realize priorities change and your marriage/DH comes before your friends but I think it’s very important to still maintain those friendships. However, I am also looking forward to new friendships/bonds as I marry my FI. I’m sure his sister and I will become closer, we already get along great now. So sometimes I think things just change and during certain transition points it can feel kind of lonely. I cherish the girl time I get when one of my friends and I can actually get together, we still have so much fun!


Post # 10
843 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014


I know how you feel, I’m about ready to end one of my friendships. We both grew up in Charleston, and now after college we both live in the same area. Now that she has a kid, everything is different. She never comes out on girl night with one of our other friends, never suggests another time that is good for her, etc. I feel like she just doesn’t care about things other than her husband, who is a jerk, and her son. If that’s how she wants it to be, so be it, but I’m tired of putting effort into it.

Post # 11
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@mirabell35:  You are absolutely not alone!! This has been on my mind so much this week.

I used to think it was my fault because I’m currently not working, but my friends are and don’t have time to hang out. But its amazing how they have time to hang out with other friends, go traveling or whatever. We occasionally hang out but its always me that has to make it happen. I stopped doing that and havent heard from any of my friends in a month. When we do hang out we have a lot of fun, so I know that they still like me, etc. It just seems to me that its an inconvenience to them or something. My BFF lives 3 hours from me so we can’t hang out a lot, but we text almost daily. But there is still something that is good about being with people and being social. I don’t have answers or a solution, but you are not alone..

Post # 12
2114 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Well, things have changed, but I don’t attribute it to the marriage…I find when life takes a turn, you are rarley alone in that. I guess in other words, your life and prioroties aren’t the only things changing, eveything is changing around you. My friends became more “home bodied” some of the couples who were together during our engagement have split up…the dynamics have just changed. I think some people also wanted to give us our privacy.

Also, your single friends might resent you just the tiniest bit without realizing it.

Post # 13
954 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I know how you feel cuz it seems like the same thing happened to us after we got married. We started noticing it as soon as moved in together though (which was 1 year before we were married). We never had that many close friends to begin with, but the few that we did have stopped contacting us and trying to hang out with us.


Post # 14
4440 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Yes.  🙁 my BFF since kindergarten who was the maid of honor. And the maid of honor replacement (because she ended up being two faced) and a good friend of mine from middle school who I on and off kept In touch wIth ( I broke off our friendship because it was toxic. She had a lot of drAma and centered all our convos around her. )

i just joined! Put in your area and interests and you can find groups that hang oit together. 

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