Anyone else lose friends/family after engagement and take you by surprise?

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

shellymelbourne:  My good friend of many years (nearly 20 years now) did not RSVP to the wedding. When I emailed her to inquire, she did not respond. When I tried to call and text, she had changed her number (thankful that the person on the other end of her old number told me). She was very sporadic and never answered the question when I contacted her on FB. After this, I blocked her on FB. When she emailed me asking what was up with FB, I told her that I was taking a FB break and that she could continue to contact me by phone, text, email. W.T.F. Friends don’t do each other that way. I was sooooooo over the moon for her when she was getting married and I gave her a nice bridal shower and was her MOH and she can’t even RSVP via email, phone or text or FB? Nah. That’s a big “fuck you” to me. All set.

I guess I’m still a little upset. 🙂

Post # 3
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

shellymelbourne:  i haven’t had it happen on my side, but on mr. h’s instead. we just got engaged last week (8/30), and everyone has been SOOOO happy to hear the news. mr. h’s best friend though, has said nothing. he knows that we got engaged, but this guy has just been total radio silence about it! it hurts me for mr. h–after all, that’s his best friend since childhood and really, his main friend (he has others, but i mean this is his person). 

i still can’t figure out why; the friend has always approved of me/our relationship, he loves us together, and there has been no indication of anything being wrong ever. so why now? my theory, and it applies to you as well, is that some people just don’t get it. they can’t offer congrats if something in their own lives is off. whether it’s that, in our case, the friend is just still really immature and can’t identify, or maybe in yours that the cousin/friend is jealous or slightly resentful. either way, maybe they think their silence is better than false congrats? either way. i feel your pain, it sucks. congratulations from me to you, sister! 🙂

Post # 4
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Yes I’ve had it happen to me and I’ve also been on the giver’s side. The truth is it’s not about you: it’s about them. Something’s going on with them. The very best thing that you can do is call or text NWR (not wedding related) and ask about them. The next truth is that for you this is huuuuge! You’re getting married! Congratulations on your engagement!!! You’ve wanted this, dreamt about it, hoped for it, everything. So for you this is a life changing Event! For your friends and cousins though…this is not a life changing event. So it might take them some time to get around to congratulate you or get as excited as you are about this but please, please don’t take it personally. It doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t care or love you or even think about you; it just means that they too have a life and something’s going on with them. 

Post # 5
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - SPRING VALLEY COUNTRY CLUB

It has happened to me, with my sister.  I got engaged and began wedding planning and she just turned into a different person.  Everything was about how unimportant I was making her feel as the MOH. her dress wasn’t special enough, she didn’t want to reach  out to the other ladies, she didn’t want to come to dress shop, she just didn’t want to be bothered. She stopped speaking to me for months. I wrote her letters,  I called her, I texted her, I begged her to talk to me. I even dropped by her house one day. She looked at me through the window and turned her back. So  I stopped cocontacting her she became angry. Texting me nasty things cussing me out. And I haven’t spoken to her in months. She’s not invited to the wedding. I’m sad but there is nothing I can do.

Post # 6
Member
31 posts
Newbee

This happened or shall I say is happening to me now. It sucks when your soo happy and your love ones aren’t thrilled

Post # 7
Member
8035 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

If people can’t see past their own unhappiness they certainly wont rejoice for you. Several people gave zero fucks about my engagement too and it was weird/sad but I just shrugged it off.

I have an aunt who’s unhappy with her life and somehow that equates to her being snarky/rude about my families retirements, grandchildren, and my engagement. It made me sad at first but the real sad thing is a person who can’t delight in loved one’s joy. Nothing you can do for them. 

Post # 8
Member
361 posts
Helper bee

It happened to me with someone I considered a good friend (and thought she felt the same). I got engaged (actually a year ago today) and she didn’t congratulate me or anything. She immediately called one of our mutual friends asking if it was a joke and then continued to make comments on how it happened way to fast. To each their own – I know he is my soul mate and that is all that matters.

She got engaged a couple of weeks after me and I immediately congratulated her (after seeing it on FB). A couple of weeks later our mutual friend took us for a celebratory lunch. She took one look at my ring and was like “oh, that’s…. unique” with the snottiest voice. After that I never heard from her. She had her bday celebration and didn’t invite me and posted pic’s all over FB. I was hurt but tried to hide it. Then her wedding invites went out and low and behold I never got one. I asked her why I was excluded (from her wedding and birthday) she said she didn’t consider me a good enough friend anymore, BUT, there still is a chance I could get an invite depending on how hard I worked to rekindle our friendship. I laughed and told her to get bent. It was a major eye opener for me! 

Post # 9
Member
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

i dont understand it. esp with you absolutely_tati to have your sister turn your back to you when you were at the house? she might as well came out and slapped you across the face. it really sucks to be treated like that. but as PP said – shrug it off. i would try for a little bit longer and when time comes for you to decide who your BMs are, if they are still radio silent, just move on and if you want to just send them an invite. be polite and cordial from then out. but stand your ground when they come sniffing around to be in the wedding party. they had their chance. they’ve shown their true colors. i guess i am more of a hard ass but to be treated like dirt and then expect to be rewarded later on just grinds my gears…

Post # 10
Member
587 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

shellymelbourne:  Had something very similar happen to me, I already posted about it on the Bee so I won’t go into details again, here’s my original post if anyone’s interested in more details

http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/my-best-friend-hasnt-spoken-to-me-since-i-got-engaged/#axzz3ClParlW5

From that I found out it’s apparently very common for some people to be less than supportive. Its so unfortunate but I think those people who lose touch over your good news are not worth having in your life and it’s lucky to know that before you involved them in the wedding only to have them bail then!

Major hugs – I know how awful it feels, but we should both just be thrilled we’re getting married to awesome guys and forget about anyone who doesn’t want to support us! 

Post # 11
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - SPRING VALLEY COUNTRY CLUB

ScubaSiren:  in my case, I’ve extended my hand and she didn’t take it.  So I’m all done. I won’t contact her again for any reason. She’ll have to open her mouth with an apology for me to ever engage her on any level again. My mother says it’s jealousy.  But I don’t care. 

Post # 12
Member
631 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I had a very good friend, whos wedding party I joined 3 months before her wedding because her MOH and her had a falling out. The rest of the bridal party lived far away so I helped DIY all her decor, planned her local bachelorette, coplanned her shower, went to Vegas with her for a second bachelorette…. bought two dresses (she sent me the wrong link first time…. ) bought two pairs of shoes, paid for professional hair and makeup on the day of, made her wedding cake and spent the day before setting up, rehearsal dinner, all wedding day (6 am – 4 am) and then the whole next day cleaning the venue…. 

After her honeymoon she has completely snubbed me. We live very close to each other, she had made the last 3 major events in my life about her. Drama at my work? Its too stressful for her to hear about. I got engaged? I didnt tell her immediatly (she texted me THAT NIGHT to tell me what a mean friend I was), my grandmother passed away – no comment, call nothing. Now that im wedding dress shopping shes hurt that she wasnt invited….. UMMMMMMMMMMM.

Tl:dr: I did everything and more for a new friend to make her wedding everything she wanted and then she snubbed me for 8 months but expects to be BFF status anyways. 

Post # 13
Member
6501 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m not yet engaged, but when my SO (of 7 years, mind you) talked to his parents about his plan to finally propose and us going to pick out the ring, they did not say a single word and pretended as if he never brought it up. It hurt. It still hurts. 

Just remember, the behavior that others have is a reflection of the kind of people they are, not the kind of people you and your FI are. It speaks to their character, not yours.

Post # 14
Member
631 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

PS. when my closest friend got engaged, I was incredibly jealous. I cried when I got her text, a mix of happy for her and sad for me. My Fiance (bf at the time) and I were not on the same page about engagement and I was afraid it wasnt going to happen after everything we went though….

I took ten deep breaths, called her and immediatly set up to have her and her fiance over for dinner and drinks to celebrate. I gushed over her ring with her, talked about colors, wedding party, locations and did everything I could to make sure her engagement was about her. I was in a horrible jealous place, but I made a point to be there for her as it wasnt my day/time.

If someone isnt willing to do that for you, then they arent worth your time. They may come around and apologize (everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about) and they might not. 

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