Anyone else married to a control freak or jealous spouse?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2759 posts
Sugar bee

He sounds like a nightmare. I don’t often advise this, but for the sake of yourself and your child, I’d consider a divorce.

Post # 4
Member
2385 posts
Buzzing bee

If you’re looking for someone to tell you you should leave and that you can do better, you absolutely should leave and you can undoubtedly do better. It takes a lot of courage to do that, though, so best of luck to you.

Post # 5
Member
2214 posts
Buzzing bee

Why did you marry him?

Post # 6
Member
2759 posts
Sugar bee

Do you have any family/friends you could stay with while you sort things out? I’d suggest talking to one of them and formulating a plan first, since you say he’s prone to checking up on you and hovering. If you feel you are in serious danger and don’t have someone to talk to, you can call the National Domestic Abuse hotline (http://www.thehotline.org/ is their website, 1−800−799−SAFE(7233) is the number). Their website has a “Quick Escape” button if you visit that takes you to Google.com.

Post # 7
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Ummm LEAVE!! You’re putting up with it and that’s what you’re doing wrong.

Post # 8
Member
1805 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Oh I’m sorry to hear this. You should ask him to go to counseling so a third party can tell him how unreasonable he is being and if he doesn’t change you need to make a decision. I am completely against divorce because I think if you loved this person enough to marry them then you can make the relationship work, but by no means should you be unhappy for the rest of your life!

Post # 9
Member
11753 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m not married to one but I’ve been an abusive relationship before, which is what your marriage is. Please take care of yourself and your child and get away from him.  It will only get worse through the years, and as it gets worse it will get harder to leave. Stay safe. 

Post # 10
Member
7653 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

[Comment moderated for name calling]

Post # 12
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I know exactly what you’re going through. I was engaged/living with this guy for six years before I realized that my situation was not cool. Luckily, I realized this before we got married. Obviously, he has issues. The big red flag (among many) for me is that it seems like he doesn’t want you to have a life outside your home life with him. My ex cornered me to the point where I couldn’t have a Facebook, hang out with friends (my friendships suffered to the point where I had little friends by the time our relationship was over), and he loathed my family forcing me to always attend family functions alone. 

So…I don’t know what to tell you to do now. My first instinct would be divorce. I know it sounds hard as you have a child together, but you’d most likely be a better mother (not that you aren’t already) if you are happy. If divorce isn’t an option, you could always try going to counseling. (Although, to be honest, your husband sounds like someone who wouldn’t be open to grow and benefit from it.) 

I know leaving someone you have been with for so long sounds daunting, but trust me, once you’re free…it’s intoxicating to be able to just be yourself again. And down the line, you’ll meet someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. My new husband is a great guy…amazing actually. They do exist…many nice guys exist. You just need to get out of that toxic marriage. 

Post # 13
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I was in a LTR like this for several years. It’s difficult to leave, but it’s something that I never regretted and I only wish I would have done it sooner. 

Now… it did escalate after I left which only confirmed that I made the right decision. You have a child and it would be in your best interest and the child’s best interest to find a safe place to stay while you start the process of divorce and start over.

Best of luck to you, lady. You seem like an amazing, strong woman who can do this for  yourself and your child.

Post # 14
Member
945 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Please leave, I had an ex that did this to me and I was miserable, but not until I was out I realized the full extent of the damage he did. I still suffer from confidence issues stemming from the abuse I endured with him. 

It’ll be hard at first, but please leave him for the sake of your health and if not the sake of your health, then for the sake of your child. He/she is growing up to think that this kind of thing is alright, and it’s not alright at all.

Post # 15
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Anyone else married to a control freak or jealous spouse?

NOT ANY MORE !!

What you describe here is mental & emotional abuse.  The whole you can’t do anything right… walking on eggshells… isolating you from having a job… going out and doing things on your own etc.  Checking in on your all the time… having to know WHERE you are, WHO with, WHAT doing… all very stalking like BTW

This will only get worse over time.

If you still love him (you haven’t said that)… then you guys need to have a heart-to-heart with a therapist… perferably one who knows something about abuse… because it does look to me that this is the slippery slope he is now on.

If you don’t love him anymore… or just can’t see where the two of you can get back to where things used to be…

Then YES for your sanity, and that of your child you should seriously look at leaving him.

There are great men out there, who aren’t this insecure / controlling / power hungry etc.

I was in an abusive marriage for over 20 years, and got to the point that like you I was losing myself, and beginning to believe “buy into” what I was being told about myself was true.

Surprise… after I left him, and got some serious one-on-one therapy for myself… I quickly discovered that I am an AMAZING WOMAN… with lots of great assets and talents.

And guess what?  Someone else came along in my life, and not only do they agree with that statement… they are my biggest champion.

TRUE LOVE is about respecting the other person… but also about building up their esteem (not tearing it down) so that each makes the other a better person.

This is clearly something you don’t have in your life now…

And you should have.  There are great men out there, but they can’t LOVE you if you don’t love yourself first (and that includes your Hubby if you decide to stay with him)

Hope this helps some, and you’ll find the courage you need to move yourself forward not only for your own sake, but for that of your child and what they will ultimately think of their mother (you are not a doormat)

(( HUGS ))

PS… This man is toxic to you.  He is literally making you sick… that isn’t a good sign if you think about it (what if a GF told you that about her SO)

 

Post # 15
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

i am victim to and get divorce. it was damn crazy experiance evn i cant watch a movie with her because of female celebrity.

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