- 3 years ago
- Wedding: November 2014
Anyone else marrying a FI who has no family? It’s long story, but FI’s dad died when he was 13 and the funeral was the last time he saw anyone from his dad’s family (thanks to his Mom). He stopped talking to his Mom and her entire family 10 years ago. The only person he has any relationship is one of his two sisters. He has practically no family, partly due to fate and partly due to choice.
I’ve known this for years, obviously, and it bothered me sometimes- like when it was our 2 year anniversary and I realized I hadn’t met anyone in his family and only one of his friends- his roommate (his closest friends live out of state and he is very introverted and I’m a social butterfly). But all this wedding planning business just spotlights and magnifies his lack of family, and I have struggled with it lately. Last night, I was wording our wedding invitations and I just burst into tears because “together with their families” seemed so wrong (silly I know). The processional, seating at the ceremony, programs, speeches, mother/son dance- to name a few- revolve around family. I guess I should say that the little sister he still speaks to is coming, but it’s a secret from the rest of the family so as not to hurt their feelings. And I understand that, but I don’t like being a dirty little secret. I just wish things were different and it makes me so sad to have this void in our lives. I guess I always assumed I would get another family when I got married and I feel like I am missing out on so much. Plus I don’t really know what to tell people when they ask me about it- FI tells a lot of white lies about his family situation, sometimes he even says that both of his parents are deceased.
Anyone else dealing with this? How are you coping emotionally? Any practical ideas to help not highlight all the people who are missing?
And please don’t just complain about your terrible in-laws, there are plenty of other threads for that, and it’s not helpful. Bad in-laws usually aren’t 100% evil, and better than no in-laws. It comes up in the strangest ways too- like I don’t get to hear stories about FI as a child (his sister is considerably younger), I don’t have photos of him as a kid for a slideshow, and when my grandmother had shingles we literally didn’t know if FI had ever had chicken pox- silly things, but it is hard.
Thanks for letting me vent.