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Anyone else mortified to think your future in laws know you have sex?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
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    anonybride7      

    I was sick this weekend, so my SO came home and told him mom I was ill.

    Her response was "IS SHE PREGNANT".

    I am HORRIFIED that she would say or think that!  Am I being too touchy?

    And no, I am not pregnant.  :/  We are both in our early 30's anyways, so it's not like it would be this unplanned teenage "oops"!

     
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    cardigan    January 7, 2011   Austin, TX

    Um, yeah that would upset me too haha!

     
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    The immigrant bride    June 25, 2010   Santa Barbara, CA/Los Angeles, CA

    I think they would be mortified that we are not having sex in our early 30's!!! :) (wich is not the case)

     

     
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    artbee    February 28, 2010  

    yeah my fi is 31 years old, and we live together. i'm pretty sure his parents aren't stupid. and i'm ok with it, as long as it's not actually spoken out loud.

     
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    flamingred    June 19, 2010  

    Maybe she doesn't think it is a big deal either and that's why she asked?

     
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    allisonc    October 9, 2010   Boston, MA, wedding in Middletown, CT

    Not mortified that it is known, but mortified it is discussed lol. His parents think it's funny to make jokes, especially pregnancy jokes. I understand why you'd be upset! I'm immune to it now - and since all of FI's sibs and his parents were all teen parents, I just accept the fact that to them, being 27 and 32 and childless is weird and they're waiting for us to "catch up." It's weird that it's something people like to talk about though. My parents wouldn't touch that subject with a ten foot pole!

     
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    Minutiae    May 2011  

    The people in my SO's family are very...up front. The last time I was there, his uncle was singing MinMan's praises and naturally I agreed with him, saying that he "works hard at everything he does." So of course, his uncle does a hip thrust and says "Yeah, he works hard at everything he does!"

    Sigh.

    What can you do but laugh? On the bright side, it seems like his family is interested in your welfare, lol!

     
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    jaylii9    September 5, 2010  

    Well we live together so I am sure the cat is out of the bag ;)

    FI's parents sometimes tell us TMI about their own sex lives, so I don't get too embaressed much. haha

    It does weird me out when FI's mom is having a nostalgic moment and we need to head home. I feel like I am taking her baby away from him, but it's no big deal since FI understands a healthy adult relationship with her.

     
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    MissACS    March!  

    Yeah we're in our early 30s, I think the jig is up here too.

     
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    otb    December 31, 2009   Chicago, IL

    Not since I had an enlightening conversation with my FH's Nana about how she can scream with the best of them at Chippendale's.  Haha.  And no, his Nana isn't ill or anything, she's just kind of like me, upfront, honest, and likes to have a good time.... lol. 

    Since me and FH live together, I think it's just one of those things where it's assumed but not thought or talked about much.

     
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    sulaii211      

    My FMIL brought up the fact that my FH's little sister walked in on us.... in front of my mom. Meh.

     
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    surkim    September 2, 2012  

    Not mortified, I mean, we're living together and are practically joined at the hip.  

    He's also closer to his parents than I am to mine, so it's highly likely that they've talked about it.

     
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    hotchildinthecity    June 12, 2010   New York, NY

    We've been living together for four years.  I doubt it's a secret anymore. 

     

     
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    Brianalaura    August 14, 2010   Ontario, Canada

    I don't think I would care, except his mom seems to want to make us feel ashamed about it (which is weird because she used to be a huge party girl that slept around when she was younger than us).  The first time I met her, before my fiance and I were even living together, there was no where in the house for me to sleep other than my fiance's room.  She told me (when he wasn't there) that there should be "no hanky panky" in her house, and that if she had it her way we wouldn't be sleeping in the same bed.  Holy red face!

    THEN!  This October, after we've been together 5 years, living together for half that time and engaged, we had to sleep in the same bed at their place for Thanksgiving.  She said "no loud sex noises" because "I don't want to explain to a 7 year old (his sister) in the next room what that means"

    MY GOODNESS LADY!  WHY WOULD WE WANT TO COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND HAVE SEX IN THE ROOM NEXT TO YOUR DAUGHTER WHEN WE CAN DO IT AT HOME THE NEXT DAY!

     
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    amac25    03/20/2010   Chattanooga, TN

    My FI and I are 29 and 33 and when we went to his house for Thanksgiving, his older sisters brought up the sleeping in the same bed issue.  I honestly hadn't even thought about it.  At this point I am so beyond it being a big deal.  I mean we live together and his dad has stayed with us for a week.  His mom had already set up one room for us, but his sisters bringing it up was so embarrassing!

     
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    MissACS    March!  

    ... and yet another reason to never stay at someone's house and always get a hotel :)

     
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    Miss Sapphire    December 2009   Seattle

    I'm pretty sure even after living together for about 4 years they still think he's a virgin.  They're dilusional like that.

     
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    CupcakeSprinkles    October 16, 2010   Dallas, Texas

    After we bought the house, I invited the FILs over to see the place, and as we were touring, I apologized for not showing them the master bedroom because it was SO messy (it was where I'd shoved all the crap from the living room!) and she was like, "NO NO ... I DON'T NEED TO SEE THAT."  Heehee.  I don't think they have any illusions that we're pure as the newly fallen snow, but I don't think they want it so front and center.  Which is fine by me.

     
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    eeniebeans    October 9, 2010   Baltimore

    We live together and I have a 6 year old daughter... so I'm pretty sure no one is under the assumption that I'm still a virgin!  His mom lives with her boyfriend anyway... so there would be no room to judge!

     
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    KMSull    August 7, 2010   Lexington, KY (via Atlanta, GA)

    Um, not going to lie, it makes me uncomfortable when Mr. KM gives me a HUG when his parents are around! They're pretty unemotional (i.e. when his dad gave me a hug, I almost died of shock... I went in for a handshake!) and so when Mr. KM gives me a hug or puts his arm around me on the sofa, I'm like "OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Love his parents and they're really nice and I am totally overreacting but ha...

     
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    IrishbyMarriage    March 20, 2010   Boston, MA

    My FH's dad is a sheep in hound-dog's clothing... really funny, sweet, kind of over the top characteristic guy but occasionally he will bust out with some hardcore sexual innuendo reguarding mine and FH's relationship and we are like... stunned.

    It doesn't bother it... our sexual relationship is super healthy and we dont care but we definately laugh about it quite a bit later on

     
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    Rosie Girl    September 18, 2010   Montana

    We make jokes about it with his parents, so it really doesn't bother me! Plus, they would have to be REALLY niavve to think that we don't, because I do have a little boy!

     
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    cinemaparadiso    July 16, 2015  

    Oh, in a moment of tizzy, FMIL actually said something to FI.

    And I about died of speechlessness when he told me! I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT THEM THINKING ABOUT THAT ABOUT US. EWWWW.

     
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    otb    December 31, 2009   Chicago, IL

    We have to sleep in seperate places in my parents house.  It's a little old-fashioned, but I respect my parents rules.  I mean, when we get married we will be able to share a bed, just not now while we're not married.  But my FH totally thought that everytime we stayed at mom and dad's he would be sleeping on the couch in the basement, LOL.  I about died when he told me that, haha.

     
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    laurenadela    10/16/09   Houston

    HAHA oh my goodness. My FILs are very very conservative and very religous, FI and I are neither. We both still live at home with our parents :( because unfortunately FI was in a very bad accident and I was robbed. ANYWAYS... my parents don't mind if we sleep in the same bed when we're at their house, but his parents have started calling hte guest room "Lauren's Room" HAHA the other day we were watching a movie in his room and ACCIDENTLY fell asleep and his parents came home and lectured us for AGES. WE WERE SLEEPING JEEEZ!!! They've actually forbidden us from getting our own place (which is why I haven't move out), they said they won't speak to us and will completely cut us out of their lives if we do, and they definitely won't help with the wedding! It's a bit ridiculous. We're full grown adults, and they treat us like children!

    It's really difficult for us to have a healthy sex life now. I had my own place and moving back to my parents was just absolutely awful for us. Let's just say that we can't wait to be getting our own place right before the wedding!

     
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    laurenadela    10/16/09   Houston

    OH And on top of that they made a comment recently about how Caleb used to stay at my apartment, and they said something along the lines of "aren't ya'll glad that you each have your own bed here so that Caleb doesn't have to sleep on the couch at your place anymore!" HAHAHAH oh my goodness, we did everything we could not to crack up.

     
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    Ember78    December 15, 2012  

    For 5 mins I was. Then I remembered that his parents are doctors so it doesn't faze them one bit. Life is too short to get upset over things like that.

     
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    Osakagrl    May 8th 2010   Sacramento , CA

    Well my In Laws are in Japan, and ive only met them by myself (Because of green card issues my FI couldnt leave the USA. so i hopped on a plane to japan to meet the in laws for the first time ever...by myself.) They are coming next year for our wedding ceremony so we will see how they react then. I think they could care a less. weve been living together over a year already

    OH OH OH! But funny story, when I was in Japan...my MIL and I were going to go to a thai massage together. but if your pregnant you could get the massage. she point blank looks at me and says your not pregnant right?? I was so embarassed and quickly said NO NO NO! hahaha she laughed at me

     
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    spaniel    March 2010   Los Angeles, CA

    We live together. The cat's out of the bag.

     
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    gingerlex    June 25, 2011   UK

    When I had my first serious boyfriend my mum redecorated my room while I was at university so I could have a double bed. I never even asked. She'd rather me do anything like that in the safety of my home than in random places. Plus she said "why separate you when you're together at uni anyway?" Same stuff stood with current boyfriend. We're adults, we can be treated like them (I am in no way implying that by having the belief of staying together before marriage is childlike. I meant in a being told what I can and can't do sense).

    His mother is more religious than my side. I was placed it the spare room for a few visits (FYI: We're LDR and both living with our parents until we can afford a house together next yr). The next door neighbour had windchimes in the garden that the room overlooked so I never slept. So for years I slept in the sofabed at the front of the house, I don't mind, noise free suits me :). Every morning I was there he would sneak down early (after I called his mobile phone to wake him) so we could cuddle up. Last year, he had a word with his mum and we can now stay in the same room overnight. I don't know what he said to her, she doesn't seem unhappy with the arrangement and it's all gooooood :)

     
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    moderndaisy    June 2010  

    Not at all. We're both adults and our families don't put sex high up on a pedestal. As long as we're being good to each other and making smart decisions that's all they care about.

     
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    Miss Root    07/04/10   Seattle

    We live together so there is definitely no mystery about it.  FI's parents live near us so we don't do overnight visits, but we share a room at my parent's house and it's no big deal.  (Thank you, big brother, for breaking down that barrier five years ago when you moved in with then-girlfriend-who-is-now-wife).

    FI were just talking the other day though about how funny it is that the only way that it seems appropriate to bring up sex around your parents is to refer to when you will "try to have a baby". 

     

     
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    GirlWithARing    September 5, 2010   Living in NYC, marrying in Philadelphia

    We got upgraded to sleeping in the same bed at my parents house after getting engaged, and I speak frankly to my parents about our physical relationship. With FMIL, it's been "don't ask, don't tell" so far, and we've slept in separate rooms when I've been over there. Going there for the holidays in a few weeks and hoping she won't mind us staying together. I am pretty open about sex and don't really mind the idea of her knowing.

     
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    msduck    August 2009  

    i wasn't motified when this happened but more like I think it is really rude of people to ask in general, when

    1. its none of their business, if we wanted you to know, you would be told

     

    anyway when my husband and i got engaged both his mom and dad asked if i was pregnant, i was thinking are you serious? no, we been together for 8 years ONLY so we must be pregnant! some people just don't think before they speak.

     
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    stellar1126    June 19, 2010   Los Angeles

    I am mortified!!!! His mom is extremely religous and actually doesn't know that we live together already. But in the past couple years she comes out every now and again with odd sex comments about how god smiles down on it when you are married and that it's beautiful and that's the point were i childishly cover me ears and walk out. I am praying that she doesnt try to give me the "sex talk" right before we get married because she thinks we are both virgins ughh!

     
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    spaniel    March 2010   Los Angeles, CA

    @stellar: that is both hilarious and incredibly awkward! Parents can be so strange in their denial of the obvious. ;)

     
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    youreastonefoxx    October 15, 2010  

    Haha is it weird that I talk about my BC with my FMIL? We go out together for drinks, and sit and drink wine and chat in her kitchen. Come to think of it, she bought me lingerie fror Christmas last year lol. She was like "I hope this isn't weird, I just thought it was cute!" I love her, I'm so lucky. I would rather his parents know than mine, my parent's are extremely conservative.

     
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    bananagirl    October 10, 2010  

    I wonder if they think we DO have sex when we actually don't.  I know at one point early on in the relationship his mom said something about treating me right and how guys just think with their ___ or something to that matter and he set the record straight and told her we weren't doing that and I never had.  She seemed impressed.  I guess they might assume we do at this point, since it's now a LDR and I go visit and he only has a tiny place with a tiny futon. 

    I must say it wasn't always the plan for us to wait.  I'd never met the right guy I felt comfortable enough with and trusted enough until I met him.  A couple months into our relationship he found out he had to move for work so we held off on that because we didn't know how the move would affect us.  He moved 4 months into the relationship, and I figured at that point I'd wait until he said the L word, which happened at 6 months.  But at 7 months he asked me to marry him (but not an official proposal), so then I figured I'd wait till we were actually engaged (which will happen either this month or next-yeah he's been asking me to marry him for over a year now but until he has the ring it's not an official public engagement). At some point in the past year I started teasing him that I'd make him wait until we were married...I was only teasing, but at some point he decided he was okay with that and so as of now we're waiting for 'the big day'. BUT I do want to make clear that we're not just sitting around and holding hands acting like saints all the time either.  ;-)  i'm not that old fashioned! 

    So who knows what his parents think.  I'm not sure what my folks think either.  They're old fashioned and religious, but when my brother moved in with his gf they didn't disown him.  And they let us share a room when he came on the family vacation. 

    wow...long post...i do apologize!  :)

     

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