Post # 1
PITY PARTY ALERT!!! PLEASE DO NOT RESPOND UNLESS IT’S TO POST WORDS OF SUPPORT AND ENCOURAGEMENT….I’M ALREADY AWARE THAT NOBODY OWES ME ANYTHING, THE BMs DON’T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING EXCEPT SHOW UP IN A DRESS, I’M HAVING A Destination Wedding SO PEOPLE ARE ALREADY SPENDING XX AMOUNT, ETC. I KNOW!!! THIS IS JUST A VENT POST!
Ok, so now that we’ve got that out of the way….I’m feeling pretty terrible about myself right now. I have always been the friend to go out of her way to make sure others are acknowledged and celebrated. I always attend parties and celebrations even when I don’t feel like it, especially if it’s for a special occasion. And I have always been very generous with my sisters (my bridal party) including paying their rent, lending them all kinds of money, buying whatever they need including a t.v. when one of them didn’t have one, etc. Unfortunately, they are usually not in the same position to be as generous with me. I totally understand that. However, there are other ways to acknowledge someone and plenty of ways to throw a party without spending an arm and a leg. I offered to chip in, my Fiance offered to provide the food (he’s a chef) and I even said we could just do a little something in my apartment. Well, they would rather I go without then accept help so now I’m not having anything.
I’m not going to lie, I’m very sad. It feels like every time it’s about ME shit always comes up to prevent me from having my moment. That being said, this has also reminded me of what’s important and it’s that I’m marrying the love of my life. It’s this realization that has me taking down the registries and scaling things back a bit and just focusing on us. Heck, we’ve even decided to throw our own bachelor/bachelorette parties because we know no one else will or if they do it will be what they want not what we want.
Any other bees feel like they always get the short end of the stick? What are you doing for yourselves to make up for that?
Post # 3
Im really sorry that happened and that does really suck. It is really frustrating when you go out of your way to be thoughtful for others all the time and then when it is your turn the favor is not returned. You are right to focus on the fact that you found the love of you life and are getting married in a beautiful tropical location- it is going to be awesome!
Is there any chance they are planning a surprise?
Post # 4
@littlebear2171: Thank you for saying that. It can suck and it is frustrating, especially when in the beginning everyone is gassing you up with all the “shower” talk. But yes, I am trying to just focus on what’s important and that’s marrying the man I love. I doubt they are planning a surprise but I guess you never know, right?
Post # 5
It makes me so sad that you said they would rather you go without than accept help! Sorry this is going on! You have been generous with your help so you should get your own bridal shower and not feel guilty about wanting it!
Post # 6
I’m sorry, hun. Since they are your sisters, do you think maybe you could talk to your mom and she could say something to them? You’ve offered all this great help. I think you should let them know how important this is to you and how much you’d like to help them out.
Post # 7
I’m not having a shower, but I’m ok with it.
ETA- hit submit before I was done and my first sentence wasn’t really very supportive. Anyway, I was going to say that you can skip the shower (since it is a gift-giving event, and it doesn’t sound like your Bridal Party is in a gift-giving position) and maybe have them pool resources and get help from your mom and have a nice bach party. Start with a Bridal Party luncheon then head out for your bach party.
Post # 8
No one is having a bridal shower for us either. It makes me so sad because like you- I always go out of my way to try and make things super special for everyone else. Now it’s my turn and NOTHING… We also decided to throw our own bachelor/bachelorette party because if we don’t we won’t even get to have one. =( Were so broke now it’s not even funny and were throwing this party that I just know everyone will want to come to but not help plan (even though I AM SUPER BUSY) and no one will want to offer a dime towards. Wedding planning has made me feel I have no real friends.
Post # 9
@VegasSukie: I posted something similar 2 weeks ago.
I’m throwing my own craft/cupcakes/champagne night this Saturday for girlfriends to come over. It’s not a shower, but I realized that was I was bummed about missing out on was the bonding and excitement.
So by throwing my own craft night, it’ll be fun, and to boot, they’ll help me knock out a huge DIY project by the end of the night! And I get to share in the wedding excitement with friends.
Given that there’s so much out there in the media, blogs and the giant wedding industrial complex about showers, bachelorettes and other wedding traditions, it’s hard to not be disappointed when we miss out on some of them.
Post # 10
Another thought — what about friends throwing you a shower? Can you tell them that you’re bummed your sisters aren’t throwing one, and express that you’d love it if you could have a fun, inexpensive day with the girls before getting married?
My sister’s kinda slacking on Bridesmaid or Best Man duties, and it’s disappointing. What I had always dismissed before as just being due to her age and being in school is actually just her personality – she’s not particularly good at keeping in touch, calling me, etc. Oh well. I’m just relying on other people instead. 🙂
Post # 11
I know exactly what this feels like, to give all your support into friendships and then in return NOTHING, and I just have to let you know that I know it sucks. I started my bee account the other day JUST FOR the support and the input that I just have not been getting anywhere else. That being said, my Fiance and I have lost almost ALL of our friends to marriages, children, or distances at a very young age, and since he’s my best friend we decided that we would do it ourselves together and just have fun with it.
Post # 12
I’m not having any showers, at least I hope not, lol. But my case is different because I’m older and this isn’t my first wedding. Fiance and I combined our households so we really don’t need or want any gifts, besides maybe something small and personal. But, in your case, you absolutely deserve a shower! In my mind, it is your bridal party’s (bridesmaids and MOH) responsibility to throw you a shower, and also your friends’ and family. What is wrong with these people? You seem like a sweet and generous person who looks out for others. Maybe this is the time you should speak out and say that you EXPECT a shower. Sometimes being too nice doesn’t pay off. And they will all feel really good for doing something so nice for you. Also, don’t offer to help, it’s their responsibility to do this for you, you are the bride, for heaven’s sake. The princess, the star of the show. Remind them of that.
Post # 13
@SpartyGirl: Unfortunately, our mom passed away 20 years ago. My sisters and I have been on our own since then (no dad in the picture). I know they want to do something but they are so tight on money they just don’t seem to know what to do. I did speak to my sister yesterday and she promised me they would do something even if it’s just a small shower of 6 people. I guess that’s a lot better than nothing.
@HappilyEverAfter54: I totally feel you, girl! My Fiance and I have decided to throw our own co-ed bachelor/bachelorette party too because we KNOW that none of our bridal party will or can do it. And don’t you just love when everyone tells you what you HAVE to have and do yet none of them are willing to help out. I have found myself questioning a lot of friendships myself.
@zagora: I really like your idea and was actually thinking of doing something similar once we are closer to the wedding and I’m done with finals (I’m go to grad school part time too). I’m going to be putting together welcome folders with info and will need to fold brochures, stuff, etc. and I thought maybe I could throw a DIY party or something. I do have one friend who is adamant about doing SOMETHING for me and has even admitted that she has been saving up money since I got engaged (that really touched me). I plan on talking to her to see if there is something small she might want to host.
@Pocket_Mouse: Thanks for understanding. It really does suck to put your all into everyone else and get nothing in return. My Fiance is my best friend too and it hurts him to see me so upset. So for that reason, he suggested that we throw ourselves our bach/bachelorette party. He is in a similar boat (inappropriate brother who would hire strippers and crap and a lazy Groomsmen that literally never leaves his house) and would rather I throw his party because at least I will do what he wants and vice versa. So blackjack and steak dinner for him and drunken karaoke for me! Lol!
@Sunfire: You are too sweet! Thank you for your kind words. I actually spoke to my older sister yesterday and she assured me that they would do something. It may not be big or revolve around getting gifts but it will celebrate this big occasion. That would actually make me very happy since I too have been living with Fiance for a while and don’t actually need much. I would much prefer a day with my girls trading sexy tips for the honeymoon. Lol!
Thanks to all the bees for your responses. I was just feeling sorry for myself. I know a lot of people do not have showers, etc. For me though, it wasn’t about the “shower” or the gifts, it was about feeling recognized, being celebrated, being made to feel special just once. I know i will feel special on my wedding day because I’m marrying my best friend and that’s all that SHOULD matter but sometimes the other stuff still hurts.
Post # 14
That sucks, and honestly I think it’s even worse that it’s your sisters not doing it, when they don’t even have to pay for food. Are either of them married or are they young? In my first Wedding for my friend who graduated right after college, I was a very green moh, and sometimes more stressed about finals and graduation.
She never said anything to me, and if her mom hadn’t called me I would have only did the bachlorette party. Her Mom hosted at her house, and I was working at target for seven dollars an hour, and I manage to provide all of the decorations, invitations, and some of the food for a little over 100 dollars for about 20 guest(her mom did provide the drinks, and the main dishes). So maybe have an older family member perhaps an aunt or grandma who has done this before step in and co host with your sisters. Or perhaps another friend who is more mature. They are plenty of ways for them to host a simple shower without breaking the bank.
ps: I absolutely don’t think you should CHIP IN at all, take that out of your mind!