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I'm totally with you! I also love my nephews to pieces....but kids just aren't for us. Seems like everyone we know who has kids, their lives ARE their kids. I'm not prepared to give up my freedom and raise kids. There is sooo much I want out of life that I know won't be possible with children in the picture.
We aren't married quite yet, but I am definitely not wanting to have kids any time soon - if at all to be completely honest. Maybe someday, but not in the next year or so. There's too much we want to do!! I turn 30 twenty-four days after our wedding, so the surprised looks we get from people are never in short supply 
I also work with children alllll day, so sometimes it's really nice to come home to adult world! It's all about personal choice, so good luck with your adventures (and keeping everyone else's nose out of your uterus/life lol)!
P.S. I work with children with disabilities and see plenty of young moms in there, so it's not always about age! Stuff just happens!
Pretty much. I do have a couple friends who have kids who still have a decent social life (like hanging out with friends) but thats cuz the grandparents have no lives and are willing to watch them on the weekends! That isn't true for our parents, and we love to travel and go on cruises. We have a dog and cat, and they are our kids. Its enough stress trying to make sure we have someone to watch them while we are gone! BTW - where are you guys going on your honeymoon? We flew down to San Juan, and cruise from there to St Thomas, St Lucia, St Kitts, Dominica, Barbados, and Antigua (not in that order). We zip lined in Antigua, Champagne reef snorkeled in Dominica, and did island tours of the St islands (missed the waterfall tour - BOO, and they canceled the turtle snorkeling due to not enough interest - double BOO. maybe if the prices weren't so insane through the cruise line that wouldn't have happened!). It was AMAZING! We are going to Port Canaveral FL and the Bahamas in Dec. Atlantis, here we come!
@Teal, yeah we are finally not getting so many "when are you having kids???" comments cuz I have started to get pretty rude about my answer. I'm so tired of hearing "oh you'll change your mind" and "but all those feelings go away when its your kid". Umm hello, I don't care if it does, cuz I don't want them. Keep your damn nose out of my uterus!! lol
I always thought I wanted kids until we got a puppy and then I started to change my mind and then once Bethany Getting Married was on that deff confirmed it- If we ever have kids it will be in 10+ years. My parents were married 10 years before they had my older brother and most of my moms side had kids after 30 so im not worried and there is always adoption.
Having a kid is just so much work and responsibility that im not sure I want. Just with the dog its a pain to figure out babysitters when we go away or out.
We won't be trying until around 30 either.
When I get the "so... kids???" questions, my standard response is to laugh at them and be like, "Not for a long time. Gees, we want to enjoy our marriage before tying ourselves down with kids!"
BF and I probably won't have kids. We don't want to tie ourselves down with children as there is just so many other things we wanna do with our lives.
I'm 29, hubs is 26.....he wants them sooner, I'd rather wait at least 4 years (after I finish my residency).....I'm not overly excited about babies in general and I'm nervous about giving birth and what that will do to my body (that sounds selfish, huh?). I'm also nervous about how we will find time and help to care for children since we both work crazy hours and our families are far from where we currently live. At the same time, I worry about waiting too long and being too old to have them. People ask all the time and we say maybe in 2 years, which makes me uneasy.
The younger you are, the less likely the itch is. Some folks know that they *NEVER* want to have kids. Others, it's just about age, time, school, profession etc. Most of my friends are starting to get married and pregnant at 31-34. At that age, they don't miind having kids. I never wanted kids until my 30's so I'm cool.
I didn't wantkids until I was well into my 30's. I always wanted to be "free" to do what I wanted, and thought kids would spoil that. Anyway, when I got into my 30s, my FI and I tried, and even went all the way through numerous fertility treatments including 3 IVFs. Come to find out, I had numerous issues that were causing the problem and by the time we got to the end of things at around 38 or 39, my eggs were too old. It is NEVER pleasant to hear you are too old for anything. It was especially a slap when I saw all of the celebs having kids much older, but I learned through the treatments that everyone is completely different and for some women, early 30s is too late, and for others, mid 40's is fine, although with much more risk involved. Anyway, I guess my feeling is that although you might not want kids now, you might later, and that you should be prepared for what happened to me. The fertility clinic doesn't stay in business because I was the only one there.
We got a puppy instead :)
I cannot think of anything ruder than asking a couple what they are doing about having children, especially when they don't even know if the couple is able or not, and how painful it is if they are trying and having problems, to have someone ask. If anyone were to ask me about having kids, I think I would say "why do you want to know?" And maybe they would be the hint that it is not their business.
And do not let anyone tell you not to worry about your age, and that 30s is fine, or "look at all the celebs having them in their 40s". I have a friend who got pregnant on the secnd try at 38, and I have friends that had problems like mine in their early 30s. I was very fortunate in one sense that my treatements were covered in the state of MA, but if I had insurance in NH, they wouldn't have been. Each IVF I had was at least $20,000. Celebvs have tons of cash, and who knows if they may even be using borrowed eggs, which is another $30,000 (just to try).
Again, everyone s different but don't go by what your neighbor or the famous have had, and assume it will be the same for you because it might not be.
We're still on the fence about kids. There are times whenever I want them but whenever I sit down and think about it I know that it isn't right for us. Not right now atleast. We might change our minds in the future but we have too many things to accomplish and experience before letting a child into our lives.
@MrsSl8: My fiance and I have pretty much decided that we don't want children. If I had to percentage it, I would say we are 90% sure that children are not in our future. We both have incredibly demanding careers, and are really happy with our relationship status and how we are able to deal with our stress levels, and we are incredibly happy spending what free time we do have with each other and our two kitties. We are genuinely happy, and don't want that to change. We get a TON of flack, judgment, etc., but it our life, and our decision.
However, we have discussed the possibility of an unanticipated pregnancy (and how we would be cool with that), and the possibility that one (or both) of us may change our mind(s). We are both in our early thirties, and due to my family history, I don't have any indications of what my genetic limitations may be in terms of being able to get pregnant. In that regard, we have also discussed adoption. Actually, we have also discussed adopting a child in lieu of trying to have one of our own.
My brother has two children, a boy and a girl, and my fiance's brother has two children, both girls. I don't feel any pressure from my family, but my fiance's family is in dire need of a male child to carry on their name/ family line (every grandchild is a girl!). I know there will be some pressure, and I think (hope!), I am pas repared as I can be for that. At the very least, we are a *united front* on the child issue, and we will deal with it together.
We're never having kids. Plenty of people feel the need to ask us when they're coming. We usually ask them why they want to know, like menobride. When it's someone who keeps pushing it, we like to tell them that we dislike children. Then they are quiet and leave us alone. They probably think we're evil and don't want to talk to us anymore. :) It's okay to not want kids.
I have some health issues that would make pregnancy difficult and potentially dangerous for me, the most serious of these being my hypothyroidism. My endo. told me, point-blank, that I'd have to start switching up my meds at least three months prior to TTC, and would have to go in every two weeks minimum while pregnant to make sure my levels don't dip too low and endager me/the fetus. Add to that mix the myriad of health problems passed down through the genes in my family, and you have a recipe for disaster.
I'm 21 and have decided, with FH, to never have biological children. I have been called every name in the book by my relatives for not wanting to reproduce, and it hurts. But you know what? There are a ton of children out there who need good homes, so if I do feel the maternal urge somewhere down the road, we can always adopt.
On a more personal front, I do not like babies and young children AT ALL, so I'd prefer to skip that step.
When I was very young I always assumed I'd want kids someday. Most of my family got married in their late teens/early 20's and raised families of their own. I went to college (for 9 freakin' years!) and broke up (thankfully) with a FI during that time.
I graduated and started my career and when I hit 30 with absolutely no husband prospects, I started to think about children and decided a) that there was no way I would ever attempt it on my own and b) I loved my life the way it was and c) I was perfectly happy never having kids.
When I met FI we were a great match and got serious very quickly, and people (mostly quietly) expected us to get married quickly so we could have kids. Instead we dated for 4 years. We have discussed kids and we are both fine with having a child if an accident occurs (I was an accident when my mom was 39) but that we had no interest in trying.
What really cemented it for us was a slight pregnancy scare- I always thought if I had to take a PG test that I would on some level be hoping for a positive, but I was NOT. When it was negative and the next month rolled around normally, I was so relieved!
I am 37 and will be 38 when we get married, so I hope that will stop some of the questions. I tend to be very blunt to rude questions, so I like the "why do you ask" response, but I would probably continue on to the fact that they don't know if I am infertile or not and that they should not ask such questions.
Our dogs and cats are a very big part of our lives, and while I know his family in particular don't get it, that is more than enough nurturing for us. They point out how much the dogs tie us down, but they don't see that we enjoy it and that kids would tie us down even more!
No kids for us...we made that decision permanent this summer. Just fur babies :)
We want a bunch of pugs... but I can barely handle the one I have now :)
I'd say were about 90% in the no kids camp. We've talked about it, and by the time we get married, I'll be 32. I'm in no rush. My sister is having her first child in December. She's two years younger than I am.
Neither of us see having kids as being conducive to our lifestyle. He's a chef and wants to own his own restaurant; I'm just about to finish law school. He will always work nights; I will always work days. We will always work hours longer than the standard 40 hour work week.
His mom will be disappointed. His brother is highly unlikely to ever have children. If we do have kids, it won't be until after I'm 35.
Hey, I guess none of you voted in the "how many kids ar you going to have?" poll. It showed something like 98% wanted 2 or more kids. I know that's not the norm and there are more like me who want only one or no kids at all, but I thought maybe it's a Weddingbee thing that everyone's so domestically inclined and eager to reproduce. Glad to see this thread.
I'm 35, and I'm only just now ready to have a kid. However we're still going to wait at least a year to start trying. We just got married and I want us to get adjusted to that life change first. Also DH is only 28 and I think he could use a couple more years of maturing.
As far as I'm concerned it's HUGE responsibility; physically, emotionally and financially. The way I was raised you give your kid the best opportunities you can, send them to the best private schools even if it means you can't ever take vacations again, you pay for their education through college and graduate school, pay for their wedding, and only then your financial responsibility is done. Anything less is bad parenting. I don't know how you could do that with 3-4 kids in this economy.
I hear you on this post. My husband and I took measures not to have kids ourselves. I am like you, I love my neice to death, but I just don't think I'm cut out to be a parent. My husband and I have 2 kittens that take up most of our time and we consider them our "kids/babies". Nothing like loving your animals just like your kids. I'm happy with our choice, personally. Looking at ALL angles of it, it just didn't fit into our plans for our marraige.
We're actively NOT trying too. We're just not in the right head-space to have kids. DH always says that he wants us to have time to explore the world first - he hardly travelled before he met me and now he's a huge jetsetter junkie. We also want to be more financially secure before we think about having children. Lots of my friends had kids by accident (happy happy accidents though) and had to do radical changes in their lives in order to be able to afford to have children - I don't want to do that. I'd rather not have the surprise and feel prepared for it.
We're in the "we'll reassess in our early 30s" camp but could not imagine having kids now. Neither of us loves kids, but we do love our animals! Right now we barely get asked since we're so young, but people do tend to say things like, "when you have kids" and expect us to have kids in our 20s.
Actually, that's one of my biggest pet peeves. For some reason people assume that getting married young automatically means you want kids. I don't understand that!
As far as I'm concerned it's HUGE responsibility; physically, emotionally and financially. The way I was raised you give your kid the best opportunities you can, send them to the best private schools even if it means you can't ever take vacations again, you pay for their education through college and graduate school, pay for their wedding, and only then your financial responsibility is done. Anything less is bad parenting. I don't know how you could do that with 3-4 kids in this economy.
This comment is very unsettling to me.
There are some parents out in the world who only have one child and cannot afford to pay for private school, undergraduate/graduate education, and a wedding. That doesn't make them bad parents. I don't think it's very fair of you to say that "anything less" is bad parenting.
I was so glad to read these posts. While I know I'll have kids someday, but not for at least 5 years. (I'm already catching flack for that, and we aren't even engaged yet) too many people are quick with the "oh you'll change your mind soon" or another criticism of my decision. I can imagine how many critical or dismissive comments you all receive.
I applaud you and your SOs for being honest about what you want out of life and your true stance on having children. I know quite a few women who don't want children and they are always nervous to reveal that decision. It shouldn't be that way, and I'm glad to find some bees who agree.
I am not sure if this post makes me feel better or not. We are definitely trying to not have kids. We have talked about possibly in two years however in two years i will be 36 so who knows. Either way we are not ready now. We just want to be responsible for ourselves and enjoy our relationship.
We dont plan on it in the near future... We just bought a puppy... TORTURE! Definitely not ready to submit my life to children. Youre not alone!! My FFIL (A Really ass!) even went as far as to say when we were building out house "WHAT THE HELL ARE WE DOING THIS FOR THEN!" I actually had to explain to him that just because we dont want children that we do still need a place to live!! Sigh. Kids are a lot of work and I think good for you for knowing better than to bring a child into this world that youre not ready for!
@ SM1982: She started her comment with "the way I was raised..." so I don't think that's what she was saying at all.
I hesitate to have children because I'm really afraid that I wouldn't be a good parent. I'd want to be, and then I feel like I'd do something and get really hard on myself. My parents are great, but I feel like I'd fixate on the worst bits of them and how I was raised and pass them along without meaning to. Also, I don't have a burning desire to have them at present. Maybe I'll feel differently in a couple of years, but I think I'd be fine not having them.
I have to share, even though I am almost 40, I have 3 kids ages 21 and 1/2, 18 and 7. My fiance has never had children and doesnt personally want any. Now that's not saying that he doesnt enjoy the company of my son, he just chose not to have any of his own. When I was younger parent I just couldnt understand when people said that they didnt want children. Being a parent is a lot of hard work and sacrifices and even though I wouldnt change it for the world, I can totally understand why people don't have any. It's okay if you choose not to have them and you shouldn't have to justify it and people should respect it.
Yeah, no kids for me either. Neither of us feel we would be good parents. We both LOVE kids. BF has two adorable nieces and another baby is on the way, and I will spoil my friends' kids until they tell me to stop, but I don't think I could handle being a parent. I can't keep a plant alive let along a baby. I would absolutely lose my mind when I couldn't give my kid what he or she wanted.
BF and I have so many places we want to go and a lot we want to do, and it may be selfish, but we can't do all those things with a baby and kids.
We are getting a puppy soon. That will be good enough for me.
I'm almost 32 and I've never wanted kids (thankfully my husband feels the same). It's not that I don't like kids but I feel like I'm missing the gene that makes a woman want that. I'm really good with kids and I'm always the cool Auntie but to have a child and be responsible for it is just not for me. I think some people are meant to have kids and then there are some that aren't but do. I wonder if they had kids because they felt that's what they were supposed to do or what. For us, we have many reasons...we have a ton of stuff we want to do, places to go and see etc...for me personally I came from a pretty f'd up family and I don't think I have the right parenting skills needed to raise a healthy child.
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Beekeeper
The hubs and I are actively trying to NOT have kids, and while others don't believe/don't want to believe that, we are. At this point in my life (I'm 26, hubs is 28), I DO NOT want kids. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my niece and nephews to pieces, but I love to give them back lol :) . We have so many plans, and I know that everything we want in life won't happen once we have kids. I told hubs we would revisit when I'm 30 and see how we feel then. My mom had my sister at 32 and was fine, no complications, and my grandma also had children into her 30s, so I know that I *should* be fine. I had some complications early in my 20s, so there is a small chance that i won't be able to have kids. Which I am fine with, if we really get the baby itch, we can always adopt. I see so many posts about bees actively trying, so I'd just like to speak to the ones who are actively NOT trying :)