Post # 1
My friends, co-workers, family – everyone – know that I’m not traditional for tradition’s sake. I like to think things through and understand the meaning behind something before I undertake it. So for the most part, people who know me have not blinked an eye as to my (and my fiancé’s) choices as we plan our wedding and life together. But the one thing that has surprised me is people’s reactions when they ask where my engagement ring is and I tell them I don’t wear one. They’re confounded. Wide-eyed. Can’t speak sometimes. And I just don’t get it – it’s an ornament. A tradition derived from the concept of bride prices and dowries (in recent times, though, it’s been based on the practice by a Roman leader who gave a diamond ring as a gift to his fiancé). And don’t get me started on conflict diamonds! J
I have 16 other reasons for not wanting a ring that I won’t bore you with, but the bottom line is that I’m not interested. I do love, however, the idea behind wedding bands (the unbroken chain of love, etc), and we plan to exchange those at our ceremony.
So I’m wondering if there’s anyone else out there who doesn’t want or wear an engagement ring, and if so, what’s the reaction been?
Post # 3
I didn’t really want a ring when FH and I got engaged, but of course that’s the first thing people asked about. I went 7 months without one before FH insisted that I get one and I chose a simple solitaire.
I think some people expect you to have a ring once you get engaged for no other reason than they think you should.
Post # 4
Yup. Had my own thread on it. I do not wanrt an engagement ring. I understand better now why it is important to some people (sign of affection, showing that you are valued by your partner etc) but it it is too one-sided for me (Im not wearing one if he isnt) and costs way too much money (and I really want a nice honey moon). We are going to follow my family’s (dutch?) tradition and buy our wedding rings and wear them on the right hand as a sign of our engagment (and we have a while before we buy those). An engament ring is totally unnecesary to me.
Post # 5
I was so excited to get an engagement ring, lol. And not just for the nice, expensive thing to wear but the symbolism it holds.
Post # 6
Me 🙂 I just wear a band. We both have engagement rings , but I rarely to never wear mine. We are trying to blend two cultures, and my husbands does things differently and are geared towards traditional gold bands.
Post # 7
@Croatia2012: I think this is awesome. Honestly I’ve been very confused about this lately. When my husband bought me my ring we were already married. I was never engaged and didn’t use our permanent bands for the ceremony because everything was unplanned. So I always think to myself.. what is the purpose for my ring? My wedding band is much more signifigant that my e-ring and honestly sometimes I feel like I should’nt wear one. I like that it resembles a promise but I chose it so it feels weird sometimes. I think it would mean more if he had chosen it but he would never do that. He hates this stuff and would have no idea what he’s doing and would be so confused.
Post # 8
I have an engagement ring (an inexpensive man-made diamond) which sits in its box in the safe with my wedding ring. I dislike wearing jewellery and I didn’t see the need to wear a ring/rings just because society says I should. My family aren’t suprised but other people can be- I just say I dislike wearing jewellery if anyone asks.
I guess for me a piece of metal with a gemstone on it doesn’t represent/sum up/symbolise our relationship.
Post # 9
@Croatia2012: I don’t have an e-ring! Lots of reasons why, but I’m happy with our choice. I have my grandmother’s wedding band, and it is perfect for me all on its own!!
But when I was engaged, I did feel uncomfortable sometimes with how, as soon as you tell someone you’re engaged, their eyes immediately go to your left hand. I know that’s totally normal; I do the same thing! But then I always felt like I had to explain, and it was awkward…
It’s much easier now that we’re married and I wear a ring every day.
Post # 10
I didn’t want one, I asked not to have one and I was engaged without one quite happily. It was judgy people who made mean comments to my FI that changed his mind on being OK with my request. So I got a sterling silver and CZ ring (that I just LOVE) so everyone ELSE would be happy LOL. Now I love it though and want a more durable option (probably moissy or asha) someday…so I’ve reformed a little LOL
Post # 11
@JustLove25: Same for me, and the older I get, the more I ponder this. I was engaged without a ring, then I paid for my own engagement ring. I was married without a wedding band because we got married on very short notice and with everything else going on I just didn’t think about a band. His wedding band was lost over the side of the boat only a month or two after we got married. I feel silly wearing engagement style rings, or two rings at once, but I do enjoy sparklies so I wear them anyway. I’m saving up money now to get one final, really nice band ring– possibly a Tiffany etoile solitaire, or maybe just a plain band.
Post # 12
@morganjenkstamwood: I wonder this more as I get older also. It’s too late now because the money was already spent 5 years ago. I did lose my original ring and now in the process of replacing it but it feels weird sometimes.. I love sparklies too so I like wearing it but if I could go back in time I don’t know if I would’ve chosen one. Actually at the time I tried to save us money by choosing a sapphire engagement ring instead of diamond but hubby did not like the idea at all and wanted a diamond. I had a promise ring I was wearing but it didn’t go with a band and I really wanted a wedding band so that’s what led us to buy a set.
Post # 13
My friend got engaged without one, and I was one of those jackasses that balked at her having no ring. Now that I’ve grown up a little, I’m pretty ashamed that I did that. As you said, it’s not a necessity, it’s a pretty ornament. I think people just have expectations of what rings and weddings “should” be, regardless of how practical or logical they are.
Post # 14
It’s a symbol, but it doesn’t make you any more or less engaged. I think it’s a tradition that some people choose to follow but definitely not necessary. For the record, I have one, but never felt I needed one. I would get FI one if I thought he would wear it. Alas, he’s more traditional than I.
Post # 15
- Wedding: September 2012 - Mother of the Bride's residence
One of my friends just has a wedding band, no engagement ring. Apparently a lot of people were confused by it and some of them were jerky, but her wedding band is really simple and lovely.
Post # 16
I don’t have an e-ring, but I have a car 😀 heheh