Anyone else out there Underemployed and Struggling? I feel like the only one…

posted 3 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Smithfield Center

I am right there with you. Seriously, I feel your pain. I work a part-time job and FI has been looking for a job – the job markest is absolutely RIDICULOUS here. 

“Why don’t you postpone it?” “What are you going to do about your car payment and rent and etc. and etc.?” 

Maybe some people don’t realize this but you don’t have to be rich and famous to have a wedding. My grandparents and other family members are contributing so we can have a wedding and yea we’re pinching pennies where we can but that doesn’t mean we can’t have a wedding! Doesn’t mean we can just get every single thing we want either!

I’ve seen a lot of threads as what you’ve described above. It makes me feel like crap but you know what? Just because you don’t have a lot of money to throw around doesn’t mean your relationship is any less significant than anyone else’s. 

 

Post # 4
Member
652 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You’re not the only one. 

My husband and I are both students. I just finished my masters and the job market isn’t that great for my career. My husband’s job market is awesome, but he won’t be done for 3 years. So in the mean time we have to be very careful with our money. It hard not to feel a little down sometimes when I see my friends all buying new houses, cars, expensive clothing and other nice things. But, I know that in the long run it will be worth it for us.

Don’t give up on yourself. Try to get subbing jobs once the school year starts up again, you can do it! I know many teachers who struggled initially but eventually (maybe even  after several years got the job!) land a job. It sounds like your fiance is on the path to a future career too. 

Nobody thinks you’re lazy. If you’ve earned grad degress clearly you can work hard!

 

Post # 6
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Smithfield Center

@MrsSnowMountain:  I’m in the same boat. I’m completely grateful that my grandparents are paying for our wedding, but can’t stand the comments I get. We’re young, we’re not rich, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have feelings, either.

I’ll be finished with my Associate’s Degree in Liberal Arts in December, then going for my Bachelor’s in English, and Master’s in Library Science. I wanted to be a teacher but librarians make more and I think it suits my personality more. 🙂 

 

Post # 7
Member
4540 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Royalton White Sands

My FH works at Subway and I work part-time at a daycare, saving money for a car so I can drive myself to and from my student teaching in the Fall. We both live with our parents. If he can’t find a better job, we’ll be living with his dad for the first few months of our marriage. 

I totally feel your pain. My parents gave us about $4k for the wedding, and that’s all we’re spending. We don’t have the money to spend anything else on it. 

But, you know what? Getting married when we are was the right decision for us, and that’s all there is to it. We thought about it and talked about it a lot before we set a date. No one else can make that decision for you, and you should try (I know, it’s hard) not to let other people’s judgment affect you. 

Post # 8
Member
1346 posts
Bumble bee

I’m a nanny (have been off and on for 10 years) and this is the first summer I haven’t had full time work. My bosses cut me down to about 12hrs a week. I’m frustrated and looking for temp nannying jobs since this cut lasts only until the end of August- but I really need to be making money now before I transfer to university in January.

I’m not planning on getting engaged until I’m done with my 4-year degree and want only a small ceremony or an elopement. I’m much more concerned with my future: moving overseas, attending grad school, buying property, etc.

Post # 9
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I am so sorry you are experiencing a hard time in life. I must admit it drives me a little crazy, thinking about how much some people are spending on their weddings. Myself included (andy budget is modest!)

being underemployed is a really difficult thing to overcome. Good for you for having 3 degrees! Please keep on the job search and networK yourself. It can be very frustrating and tiresome to job search, as I have been looking for 7 months now and so far had 1 interview! But you obviously have a lot to offer. Remember that, keepalp plying and enjoy your wedding day. It’s a big day, but it doesn’t make or break the relationship and the other amazing moments you have ahead of you. 

 

I find life can be like a roller coaster sometimes. There are good times ahead of you I am sure!

Post # 10
Member
2880 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 1998

It can really get you down but know it will get better and never give up:)))

Post # 11
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@MrsSnowMountain:  Seriously, don’t feel bad. There are lots and lots and lots of struggling couples trying to complete life’s milestones who get how you feel. They probably don’t frequent wedding websites that discuss the worth of a sparkly stone:-) . I don’t belong here either, I’m a working stiff too, I am just plain fascinated by this crazy wedding culture stuff. Reminds me of a reality show or something:-) . 

 

I work hard, my fiance works hard, we all work the same hours as wealthy people if we are lucky enough to get them. As a nurse, I am not valued enough to earn high wages or job security unless I am the one of 50 who gets picked. Neither are teachers, unless you’re the one out of 100 applicants that gets picked. Someone else decides what’s worth high wages and what isn’t, and it isn’t based on the ability to work hard, although most people of all incomes typically do. Lots of people relate, honestly. Lots of people celebrate life stuff their own way, and it’s fine. This wedding business only matters when people can afford for it to matter. Your wedding will be great. 

 

Post # 12
Member
1332 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’m actually happy to be underemployed after being unemployed for a year. I currently work a low-wage seasonal job, but I love it and it looks great on a resume, so I hope I can get something with a decent salary, benefits, all that jazz come November. I’m 28 and I feel too old to be worrying about rent when most of my peers are homeowners.

Post # 13
Member
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’ll join your club. I’m severely underemployed after my old company closed last year. I was underpaid then, too, but I made a little more money an hour than I do now. FI works part time retail to help pay for the wedding. All said and done, we’re looking at $10k (not including a honeymoon because we can’t afford one)–including dress, rings, etc. We paid for a good chunk of it ourselves, and I did a LOT of DIY. I have a small ring because that’s what I wanted. I didn’t read the thread you’re talking about, but those people can get fucked. I picked out my ring because I loved the setting, and it looked great on my finger, and the price was right. Those are probably the same people who think moissanite is a “diamond simulant.”

FI’s older brother had a VERY expensive wedding. His SIL’s parents gave them $10k, so they asked his parents to match that. They had two huge receptions (and they had a local wedding!) where they invited basically everyone they’d ever met because hey, they weren’t paying so who cares? They took a 10-day honeymoon to Hawaii. We saw them this past weekend and they couldn’t fathom why we aren’t taking a honeymoon. I very icily replied that we are paying for the wedding ourselves, so our budget is rather limited and FI disagreed with eloping, so all of the money was going to pay for a reception for our closest friends and family (we’re going to have probably 1/3 of the guests they did). They’re broke as shit now and they STILL don’t get it. 

Post # 14
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2017

My FI and I are in the same boat. We are doing at 10K wedding and he is underemployed. I know things will get better for all of us. I am trying my best to look at the situation in this manner, it is preparing us for the hard times that may come in our marriage. I feel that if we can get through this hard time financially, we can get through anything!!!

Post # 15
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

I hear ya. My husband makes good money – I don’t. I have a “small” engagement ring because that’s what I wanted and I find many big rings garish. I think it says a lot about someone’s character when they ascribe all material things (having a good job, having money, getting a big ring), to being loved more, to being smarter, more deserving, or otherwise harder-working than folks who aren’t so well-endowed. I suspect that’s more of a place of insecurity – maybe they’re self-conscious about the amount they’re spending, so they attempt to justify it to others.

This board is skewed toward upwardly mobile women – often middle class and a disproportionately high number of upper class women. So, you will see more budgets in the tens of thousands for a wedding. That doesn’t mean all of us do it. The rest of us who spent considerably less just avoid those threads.

You aren’t alone. Keep pushing, and I do hope things will get better for you.

Post # 16
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

My husband and I got married last winter when we were both unemployed. We paid $80 to be married in the park by an officiant. My mom paid for the cake. His mom held a small reception. It was lovely. If we had waited a little bit we could have afforded to do more but I wouldn’t change anything. 

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