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I'm a first timer, obviously, and the fact that it's different for everyone scares the crap outta me! I like to know exactly what is coming and I know that just isn't possible in this case.
I get myself really worked up about it. My friends try so hard to calm me down and just "go with it, you're in good hands and we'll all be there. You won't die!"
Which is all sweet and stuff, but I kinda want to shove a sock in their mouth since they're all non-moms too!
So, who else has themselves all freaked out? And I still have 7 months to go! :P
I'm a first-timer too and very early in pregnancy as well (have 7 months to go too!) It is totally normal to feel nervous I think. We all know that it will hurt...a lot...and there isn't much they can do about that. I just remind myself that women have been doing this for thousands of years w/o the assistance of professionals. I figure if they can do it in caves, deserts, igloos and jungles then I should definitly be ok in the comfort of a hospital with trained professionals surrounding me! I think it's more the fear of the unknown. Just remember that a few hours of discomfort will be worth it several hundred times over when you see your lil one : ) Good luck!!
I'm not pregnant but we kind of have babies on the brain. I have an EXTREMELY high pain tolerance so I'm not worried about that . . . the only thing I'm worried about is tearing and having my vagina forever ruined. So I voted yes, even though tearing is the only part that scares me. The labor and physical pain I know I can handle . . . esp. with drugs. LOL.
I was definitely nervous, I freaked myself out the entire first pregnancy. I'd honestly avoid reading the "scary" chapters of the pregnancy books that outline all the things that could theoretically go wrong. It won't help, it will just add to the stress, and unless your doctor thinks you're in a high risk category for some obscure reason, it will just make you freak out about symptoms that are perfectly normal in pregnancy.
I'm not going to tell you not to worry, because most first time mothers worry. It's just part of the fun haha. I can tell you that when you go into labor, whether by yourself or induced, your adrenaline will kick in and your body kind of goes on auto pilot a little. I don't really know how else to explain it. But you do reach a moment where you calm down through the pain because you can just feel your body taking over and doing what it has to do. And if for some reason things don't go to plan, you have a team of very nice capable people who will get your baby out safely.
Try to enjoy being pregnant. You might go on to have other children, but NOTHING is ever the same as your first. Just as wonderful, but never the same.
@KatyElle: I was going to post the same thing. Once you are in the moment, you don't have time or energy to be nervous or worrying. Your body just knows what to do and does it and you are so focused on getting the "job" done, it's your only thought at that moment. It really is amazing.
Plus, unless you are one of those lucky people who have a super fast labor and delivery their first try (my friend's labor and delivery was a total of 6 hours with her first baby!), you'll have time to get settled in, take a stroll around the hospital (if they want you to walk around), have visitors, drink ginger ale and enjoy some Italian ice, watch a movie... it's kind of like being at a hotel in some ways! You'll have people stopping in with flowers and taking pictures. It's a very exciting time. It's not like on tv where you're in a dingy depressing room with a flickering light and they have you strapped down to a gurney haha! It's actually pretty fun. Labor isn't pleasant, but that's just part of the gig, and it's very irrelevant when they show you your baby for the first time.
@KatyElle: I have to agree I was also a first timer and my son came 7 weeks early so I wasn't completely prepared yet. Your body basically takes over and does what it needs to do. I was more worried about him coming out early than the actual labor/pain. The nurses and doctors tried everything to first stop the contractions but little man wanted out and nothing was stopping him.
I've just started reading The Birth Partner, and I think it's managed to freak me out more than I already was. Sometimes ignorance truly is bliss . . .
I am due in april with my first baby. It is scary but I try not to sych myself out. I really want to avoid any medication or interventions if possible, and I know its going ot be very painful and scary but I just try to think positive and think of all the people I know who have been through the same type of delivery I hope to have. Its been for thousands of years so I;m just one more person to go through it.
Phew!!! Yeah I'm steering clear of any and all birthing books, shows, websites... ignorance is totally bliss!
Phew!!! Yeah I'm steering clear of any and all birthing books, shows, websites... ignorance is totally bliss!
@bells: I have this same goal... who knows if that will fly out the window at the first contraction, though, LOL. My pain tolerance is high... I think... but someone told me I'd feel like "I was splitting in half" Dramatic? Maybe... but hella scary!
I hope you guys are right and my body will just magically know what to do... I feel like a lone wolf on this journey! No one can do it for you and that SUCKS!! Why don't men have to participate in this?? :P
So this is really dorky but what helped me was thinking how through thousands of years when birth was really dangerous for humans (both moms and babies), all my ancestors before me survived (clearly, since I'm here!), so I must have good "birthing" genes.
@stefanieastronaut: We aren't starting a family yet, but we decided if and when we do- to take local classes in the Bradley method. It is 3 months of classes and training and preparing for the "big day!" I think that will help me prepare, since I *hope* to go med free- we shall see! :)
Don't listen to anyones delivery trench war stories, they will just freak you out. Every pregnancy and delivery is different. I was only in active labor for maybe an hour or two, and I thought I had gas from the enchilada's I ate for lunch. Delivery, maybe 15 minutes, tops. My dear friend had a similar experience and she was sending me hysterical video messages the whole time with her laughing and smiling. So just don't listen, you could be the twenty minute kind, heres hoping!
Up until last night I was completely looking forward to the birthing experience. I knew it would be hard and painful, but I really was excited for my body to go through such a beautiful experience.
However, last night I watched "One Born Every Minute" for the first time. And uhhhh ya.....never doing that again.
I used to wake up in a cold sweat, in the middle of the night with sheer anxiety about giving birth. Does that count as freaking out?
I think it's normal to freak out about it, it's the unknown and it's a scary thing.
If it helps any, I was making jokes during labour and I was laughing. I told the nurses about a dream I had recently had where I gave birth to weiner dogs. We all kept saying hopefully I wasn't birthing andy weiner dogs. And there was a nurse who kept getting paged on the intercom when I was giving birth and by the 6th time I jokingly screamed "Who the HELL is Shirley and why doesn't she just go to the damn front desk." Or something like that. Everyone laughed.
Just look around you at all the women in your life who have done it and survived. Not only that, but it can't be that bad when many people do it again..and again....and again. Look at the Duggar lady for inspiration.
Best of luck to you :)
I am terrified of giving birth! I have heard so many horror stories, so it doesn't help at all. I am really worried about the pain and tearing and such.. eeekkk!!!
I wasn't nervous the first go round until after I got to the hospital. =/
This time having a homebirth I'm even less nervous!
I would HIGHLY suggest getting the book "Guide to Childbrith" by Ina May. The first half is full of birthing stories written by the moms themselves that aren't "scary" but rathering inspiring and empowering! And then the rest of the book is all about learning to TRUST YOUR BODY!
Knowledge helps squash fear! BUT you also what to get the right knowledge and not just some off hand bad experiences & scare tactics from those that didn't have proper knowledge to begin with. (this isn't always the case, but is some of the time)
@cbee: Yay! Our Bradley Class starts in May and I am totally stoked about it. I know it really raises your chances of a successful, non-medicated delivery!
@tksjewelry: YES, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me be one of the lucky ones!
I'm so glad other people are waking up in a cold sweat, LOL. I seriously think about it all the time and just cannot get my head around how exactly this is going to happen.
My grandma had 6 kids (no where near the 19 and counting) but still... I mean, her mom had NINE. I keep trying to reassure myself that these people are completely nuts... and that this actually physically CAN happen. It just still seems totally impossible!
@cbee: Yay! Our Bradley Class starts in May and I am totally stoked about it. I know it really raises your chances of a successful, non-medicated delivery!
@tksjewelry: YES, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me be one of the lucky ones!
I'm so glad other people are waking up in a cold sweat, LOL. I seriously think about it all the time and just cannot get my head around how exactly this is going to happen.
My grandma had 6 kids (no where near the 19 and counting) but still... I mean, her mom had NINE. I keep trying to reassure myself that these people are completely nuts... and that this actually physically CAN happen. It just still seems totally impossible!
@amnystik: You are a brave girl! My friend just had a happy healthy homebirth, but man, I'm a total chicken sh*t and I think I need that epidural at a minutes notice! (If I need one!)
@aajune2011: OMG the tearing has me on a whole new level of fear!
@stefanieastronaut: I'm a no-timer (yet!) and the thought of delivery scares me straight down to my hoo-ha! I'm definitely the type to over-analyze, and my aunt fondly described to me the intricacies of childbirth (episiotomies, etc.) when I was about 14, so I'm thinking about a surrogate! My hoo-ha is terrified!
As an aside, are you ladies considering a c-section or natural?
@stefanieastronaut: Lol. I think knowing all you can about the process & the "why" behind the "labor" helps ALOT! When there's purpose it makes it alot less scary. And really I'm much more scared apprehensive of Doctors & pharmaceuticals than I am of my own body. lol
So many of the pp's who have done this before have made great points. This is my second pregnancy and I'm really excited for L&D which means it can't be that bad since I'm a total baby when it comes to pain. I was terrified of labor/delivery with my first though but I happened to be one of those lucky one's who had it easy...my contractions were like bad pms cramps but they would stop, whereas pms cramps keep on being painful. It was such an exciting process that I really wasn't scared the day of...oddly enough I felt prepared and I think it's because my body took over.
So many women told me how horrible it was going to be beforehand, like that helped me? I heard, "it's going to feel like you've been hit by a truck"? Uh...no! Not at all! I was hit with excitement and SO much relief after DS was born. All that pressure I felt for nine months was gone! I walked around the hospital after they told me I was 4cm dilated and I kept thinking "It has to get worse? I must not be progessing at all since I don't feel that bad" and an hour later I was fully dilated and ready to give birth.
I hope you don't worry too much...if you stress less it will definitely be easier on you/baby :)
I'm not so worried about the most of the laboring involved, but I am worried about the tearing and the last pushing stages.
@Heatherloveskenny: So many women told me how horrible it was going to be beforehand,
SO TRUE!
I like a line from a Stephen King book that Ina May had in her introduction in "Guide to Childbirth"
"Believe me: if you are told that some experience is going to hurt, it will hurt. Most pain is in the mind, and when a woman absorbs the idea that the act of giving birth is excruciatingly painful - when she gets this information form her mother, her sisters, her married friends, and her physician - that woman has been mentally prepared to feel great agony"
@ginnyc: The consensus I've heard from moms that prepared for & had a natural delievery was that pushing was actually the "easy" part and least painful and as soon as they had baby all the pain was gone. =)
i was totally scared when i was pregnant with my daughter, i didnt want to watch any birthing videos to psyche myself out.. but after it was over i was like 'is that it?!' i couldnt believe id done it, i was expecting it to be much worse. so now i tell everyone who asks hows childbirth i always say it really isnt that bad, id do it another ten times over.. if i wanted that many children!!
I was terrified through both my pregnancies about labour.
But at the end I found I got this mindset of "we are here to do this, now lets get it done"
For me the fear seemed to dissapear and I my mind was focused on ending this darn pregnancy.
HAHA
I tore with my first, and I was so scared that I was going to tear worse the second time, seeing as the scaring was already there. But guess what, no tearing. YAY!
Also, my advice is to steer away from a epidural. With my first child I shared a room with two girls that had them, I was up on my feet and using the toilet again within a day. (and yes. my body had to relearn how to wee) . But those poor ladies who had the epidural took heaps (days) longer. And they had to carry a pee bag with them as they tried to move for the first few days. I was so glad i had not gone that route.
For those of us afraid of the pain, that's not really helpful. I definitely will have an epidural when the time comes because I am not interested in that amount of pain.
@Firie: Uh, I had an epidural and I was able to take a shower on my own that same day... Oh and no pee bag either, so not really sure how that story is helpful. In fact the first thing the nurses did after I gave birth was get me out of bed and take me to use the bathroom, which I did, minutes after giving birth. My legs felt a little heavy for an hour or so after, but otherwise I was using the bathroom and walking around greeting visitors. Unless you've been through it please don't advise others against it!
@KatyElle: Your first post was awesome. Thanks ! I am not pregnant but I have been thinking about it a lot lately, and I sometimes get nervous thinking about delivery.
@amnystik: That quote is so true!
I didn't vote b/c I'm not pregnant, but I really have never been scared of the thought of labor/delivery. The only thing I worry about is the tearing, but there are so many exercises out there to prevent it, I'll just do what I can and hope for the best. I think that it probably is true that once you see the baby, all the pain is forgotten. I can't imagine otherwise...how exciting!
I think @Firie: was just giving her opinion and her experience of sharing a room with people who had an epidural. Generally more people who have an epidural do admit that they couldnt walk around as fast as those who didnt. I dont know why you guys are saying her post is not helpful. EVERYONE's experience or mindset is helpful to someone out there.
@bells: Because maybe someone's post about how they are panicking about delivery isn't the time to be sharing horror stories?
@KatyElle: her post was not a horror story. She talked about positive thinking and how she was able to pull through and just gave her spidural "advice" at the end based on her experience. You know as well as I do that not everyone who has an epidural is allowed to walk around and pee in the bathroom right away. Most people I know who got epidurals had catheters and couldnt walk for a while. So I dont know why its horror story if someone actually says it out loud.
@bells: No, you don't know as well as I do. I used the bathroom right away, with help from my nurses. I was not laid up in bed for days in bed with a catheter. So again, if you haven't been through it, it's not your place to tell stories. Not going to continue to argue this :-)
OP, you will be just fine!
OP - I haven't had kids, but my BFF is due soon and she was pretty terrified of birth the first couple months. Now she's to the point where she just wants to be done. The best line of thinking we came up with?
If it were that bad, we'd all be only children. Considering she was the oldest of 6 and I'm the oldest of 4, something must be worth it!
I haven't had kids but I agree with others about if you psych yourself out and think it's going to be very painful it very likely will be.
My aunt gave birth 3 times. Twice without epidural but for the last one she was on epidural. She gave birth to 8lb twins (each!) and then said, let's do that again! lol
Everyone is going to have an opinion and a story based on their own experience. It's best if we just accept that and move on to form our own opinions. All hospitals, babies and birth experiences are different and work differently.
I wouldn't say that I am terrified, but I could definitely say that I am nervous. I think it's only natural to be a bit nervous whether it's your first child or your fifth, just because it's fear of the unknown. This is my first baby and I've just really been trying to avoid the horror stories and the negative comments and I've been seeking out positive and inspirational birth stories. I have found that turning to the natural birthing community has been a great help in easing my fears and I think it would be for any woman, whether you plan to go natural or not.
If you ask me, the labor was what was difficult. The delivery, in comparison, was very nearly a piece of cake.
@KatyElle: I dont think you are even reading my posts. You just want to be right all the time and refuse to actually READ what people are posting. Sheesh
You have posted your experience with an epi but not everyone who has an epi has that same experience. Why is that so hard for you to grasp?
@Firie: I have to agree.
OP: From what I've heard from other moms that had vaginal births the consensus seemed to be that those that had the epidural, while having the temporary relief, they had to labor in bed (which then you can't help labor along yourself with gravity & movement) and tended to have more severe tearing b/c they could not feel like they needed to work with their body & baby to deliver. Also, I've heard quite a few times that the epi ended up not working at all, or only partially, or wearing off while still in the middle of delivery and then momma wasn't prepared with any pain management coping techniques. <-- now that's scary!
Moms that prepared for an unmedicated birth and didn't get an epi were able to move around in labor, which doesn't just help cope with pain (different positions at different points throughout) but also helps things progress because of GRAVITY (woohoo for gravity!) AND while they were actually pushing they were able to feel better to move how they needed (squatting, all 4s, etc) to not only help speed up but also have more control so if they needed to stop so as not to tear they more likely could b/c they could feel what was going on.
Pain becomes scary when the purpose is forgotten or not known and when lose sight of the control we do have. You can check out this site with some AWESOME coping techniques for both mom AND your birthing partner. Even if you do go for a medicated birth it's ALWAYS best to prepare to go natural (since they may not work OR you may be too far along to get them)
http://www.childbirthconnection.org/pdfs/comfort-in-labor-simkin.pdf
Don't psyche yourself out.... this IS something you can do.... and you CAN get all the info you need to help you through it! knowledge = power! =)
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