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I'm so sorry about your parent's divorce. I have been there, done that (parents split when I was 12) and even if it's the right decision it's still really hard. {{{DilemmaBride}}}
I'm not planning a wedding (I work here!) but if I were, I'm pretty sure I'd be in the same boat as you - I live across the country from my family and because of my age (late 30's) my friends, even though they would be happy for me, are kind of "over" weddings. So I'd be on my own.
I would definitely lean heavily on the support of great Communities like WeddingBee. Daily I am astounded at the generosity and support members of the Hive give to each other.
The other thing I would do is seek out an aspiring wedding coordinator in your wedding city and enlist their help. Because they will want to build their portfolio / client list, their rates are bound to be very affordable. Ideally you can find someone who's done a few weddings (so you can check references). Seeing as you are part of an active wedding Community and you'll of course want to share your photos and wedding experience here, she would definitely get some exposure and you'd get the help you need, so -- win/win!
Good luck to you and call on the Hive whenever you need support, ideas, help, etc.
We look forward to watching your special day evolve in its planning and come to fruition next year!
Best, -Lori
I feel like I am there too!
I have a MOH and 2 bridesmaids. The MOH is my sister, who is also engaged (but not yet planning). I stay away from her negativity. She just is not very nice to me, but family would have freaked out if she wasn't MOH. Luckily my mom is taking on a lot of my sister's responsibilities.
I have my mom, but she is a mother of seven. I compete for her time with my siblings, her church (she is way involved) and whatever else. She just seems too busy for me. Like, if we are out shopping, then at 2 pm she must run home to prepare for dinner! Also, lately she had been criticizing all of my ideas, often calling them unnessesary or a waste of money.
My other 2 bridesmaids are my friend Sara who works full time and has a 10 month old child, and my FSIL who lives with her husband and three kids in Minnesota.
The past two days I cried to FI, and he is trying to help. The thing is, he helps out wonderfully with the "big" things, like cake selection. He just doesn't seem to see the importance of the little things (favors, etc).
I am just feeling so stressed out.
Im planning everything myself. If im need help I usually come here and post a blog and see what all of you guys say.
I only have one sister and she is willing to help me in anything. I just dont want to bother her about it as much because I dont want her to tell me in a few months that she is sick about hearing all the time WEDDING. LOL
I dont have my mom with me either to help out. Since she passed away three years ago.
I am planning everything my self and I have enjoyed (almost) every moment of it actually. My older sister just got married this past weekend, so she has completely been focused on her own wedding (understandably!). My mom's husband is very sick so she is not able to help out. My Bridesmaids have their own lives and I don't feel like bothering them about wedding stuff. I am the first one to get married out of my friends, so I don't expect them to really understand how much hard work goes into planning a wedding (especially a wedding for nearly 300 people). I just try to be super organized and I have been trying to get everything done early so I am not extremely stressed when the wedding nears.
People tend to have their own opinions about everything, so this is one positive thing about planning yourself...You get to chose what you want without anyone trying to change your mind or tell you your idea is silly. You get to completely make you and your fiance happy!
Good luck with the planning.
Sorry about your parents. I hear you. My Fi was OTT. My mom had surgery. My BMs were mostly OOT. I got a little help from my MOH. Actually. I probably could have gotten more from her, but I guess I liked doing it mostly myself. Doyou have your FI to at least go with you to big decisions, like venues, cake tasting, florist? Who ever is paying or contributing to the wedding, I would think might enjoy having some input. And if it's just you and your FI, I think he might want to at least check out the options.
It sounds like you have some time. I would make a checklist and timeline. Ge all of the big stuff organized first. (Ceremony and reception coordinated one month, then try for attire next month -or at least try somethings more ongoing for a couple months, then work on photgraphers- florist-bakeries, etc). Hopefully it will go smoothly. But if you could get a little help from your Fi to make those big decisions, all the better.
All of my girls are extremely busy as well. I have a blog where I post ideas and I have the girls here. Don't get me wrong, my girlfriends and sisters are great and have been very helpful... but in some ways we're all doing this on our own. Things got a lot better for me when my fiance got really excited about different aspects, and I can always bounce an idea off of him, so that's helpful.
Good luck, and we're always here!
I pretty much planned everything solo
I live in Manhattan, most of my cousins are scattered all over, and distant relatives are in the Philippines, my Fiance is in England and mom just arrived from the Philippines.
I move every 2 years, so I pretty much thought I'd wed in the same city I was living which so happened to be Manhattan the most expensive city in the world. So, I had to do aaaalll my research, aaaalll the haggling, aaaaall the negotiating, it's a little lonely, my FI should have been with me when I told my family, when I looked at venues, when I was looking for videographers. But rather than saying woe is me, on the bright side, I have a lot of say in what happens, sometimes the only say; plus I can put my negotiating skills to the best use ever, and it gave an outlet to my creative nature which has been dormant because of career; so there are good things about it too there's a little sadness about it, but on the other hand I really enjoy all this planning
My MOH is my sis and my niece is my BM but my sis has a family and is very busy, she helps me alot when I need things in the burbs and I'll bring my favors to her house and we and her kids work on it; I didn't choose any friends for BM, because I move so much Ive lost touch with old friends ove the years so it's mainly me doing all the leg work
but its fun, plus you have TOTAL control and it will be as you like it, no other strong opinions to worry about that's the nice thing
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Me! My FI is military and lives far away. It's a lot of a hassle to get his help on it all. My parents live 5 hours away and my bridesmaids are either a) out of state b) in college or c) on travel for work. So i'm on my own.
I make lists and stick to them. I make my FI do tedious stuff like "find bartender" and "reserve a keg" but honestly, I do the planning.
I LOVE asking Q's or opinions on weddingbee and getting immediate answers. I don't feel so crazy! It's nice to have someone to bounce ideas off
Yeah this wedding site is so great you get a lot of great ideas, plus no one knows what you're going through except other brides to be :) so its a great support group
Yep, solo planning as well. No choice, my parents and daughter are deceased and my attendents do not seem overly interested. Heck, it is less than 3 months til the wedding and they haven't even gotten their dresses yet!
hello there! i am so sorry that this is all happening. For some people, planning solo can be hard. I am planning everything on my own. Ive always wanted to be a wedding planner and help other people plan their weddings. Honestly, even though i love planning my wedding i also hate planning it too because its MY wedding. I would rather help others plan their big day. im not sure why but maybe because i cant help myself figure out what i really want therefore, i change my mind all the time. But im good with helping others figure out what they want. Does this make sense? haha. If you need help and have any questions feel free to contact me. I am available to help. Ive been helping out with weddings and going to them yearly since i was 5. I have a HUGE family. lol. After my wedding im considering making a business out of this. I started a blog to document my planning process and give tips to brides. :)
I'm in the same boat as you. My MOH is a really good friend and wants to help but right it's so difficult with her being 14 hours away. My parents and my FI paretns are trying their best but we are 10 hours away from them. We are having the wedding in my FI hometown and are attempting to plan the whole thing long distance.
I must say it is encouraging when my FI asks about certain aspects of the wedding, by talking to him about it we become closer and more open by simply explaining the aspects to him and taking his ideas and incorporating them within the wedding as well.
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I'm not planning alone... but I have a blog and I follow a lot of other wedding bloggers and I post my ideas on their and get their advice. You should just google wedding blogs, there are 100s and start you own if you want.
For me it's my way of getting an honest unbiased opinion from other brides/women that aren't my mom or sister who have many of their own opinions!
I am in the same boat...my fiance tries, but really isn't into it. My sister is my MOH and doesn't really help much, my bridesmaids all live in different places and have big things going on. My mom helps a little bit, but not really. I find it takes the "fun" out of it, and wish for more help. Weddingbee and other blogs have been great help and to fill in the opinion gaps!
I hear you! I planned my wedding (which was in April) almost entirely on my own as well. My two younger sisters were my bridesmaids - they were both busy with school (one graduate, the other undergrad) and live out of state. The sister in grad who is closest to me in age and MOH (ha) was not supportive at all and did basically nothing other than buy the dress and show up. My other sister was much more emotionally supportive but is young and broke. I have a couple great girlfriends but they all live out of state and I didn't think it would be fair to ask them to do much. My mom was suffering from liver failure and wound up having a transplant three weeks before the wedding. My dad did not deal well with the stress surrounding my mother's illness and ending up getting arrested after attacking my siblings a few days after my mom's surgery. So neither of my parents was able to attend the wedding - my mom was still recovering and my dad was not allowed to leave the state (does this sound like something out of Jerry Springer or what? 
)
What helped me was that I decided to have the wedding in the town where I live which simplified the planning a TON, my husband at least supported me on the big things -meeting with caterer, reception venue, photographer etc, and I just let a lot of the little stuff go.
On the upside, this whole situation really made me dig down into myself and I felt like I learned to stand on my own two feet and become a true adult because of it. With my dad not attending, my grandfather and uncles offered to walk me down the aisle but I chose to do it solo instead - after coming this far by myself, I certainly didn't need anyone else for the last few feet!
The wedding itself came off very well and we got a ton of compliments on it. I would second the above recommendation to get a wedding coordinator to at least help with the long distance factor complication. Good luck!
pretty much... My fiance is helpful but all of my immediate family have made it clear that they are not supportive of the wedding (because I'm not marring a doctor or a lawyer), so if I want another perspective on something it's very frustrating. I don't even talk about my wedding to my sisters or mom because all they'll say is that I should be putting it off indefinitely. Or they just shut up completely and try to change the subject.
What really sucks is that when my older sister got married I helped with everything! I hand-wired tulle bows onto metal pails for her out of town baskets, I went shopping with her for her dress and bridesmaids dresses, I went to multiple wedding showers, made her bow-bouquet for her rehearsal, I helped tie together the programs, I did a toast at the rehearsal dinner, and I sang at the wedding.
Because we don't have any financial support, we aren't able to get married in the church that we attend together as I had always envisioned. We also had to cut our guest list from 90 to 30 when we figured out that we were going to have to pay for everything ourselves. Also, my mom is holding the wedding dress and veil that I picked out hostage because I'm getting married before she wants me to.
Of course, her withdrawing support didn't stop her from asking me if I would invite her new boyfriend to the wedding, in front of him, the first time I'd ever met him (my dad died 5 years ago).
I don't have any attendants because we're having 30 people at the wedding and it seemed silly. And the people who would have been my maid and matron of honor want nothing to do with the wedding.
At this point I'm often tempted to just say "screw it" and elope or get married privately but still in town. Because I'm worried that even if I do plan a beautiful, sweet wedding, and my family does decide to come, they're going to spend the day stonewalling my future husband and saying passive-aggressive shit to me to show their disapproval. But my fiance thinks we'll regret it if we don't have a real wedding with guests... he may be right but I still get tempted to just elope.
Single Rose, your story is so sad. I feel so bad for you. Why do they disapprove so much? How old are you and your FI if you don't mind my asking?
As for everyone else doing it alone. I pretty much am too. I have a little help from my FI here and there, but that usually comes in the form of his two cents after I have already finished setting something up.
Same way...I am doing everything by myself and its hard. My FI is stalling ( I think he is getting cold feet), My Mom doesn't even want to talk about it, My BM's are not really talking to each other, My Dad and Step mom haven't offered support. 2 months less to go and I just want it over with but the good thing is I get to do everything I want!
OP - good luck to you! This is a great community for you and though it doesn't replace the family input, it's still pretty darn great :)
Cheesy but true!
I'm 25 and my fiance is 33. I'm going into my 4th year of med school and he's going into his last year of college (he worked for many years as a computer programmer, got tired of it, and decided to go back to school). They disapprove I think mainly because he's still in school. My sister has mentioned that maybe when I start working as a doctor, he can be a stay at home dad (more specifically, she mentioned the word "bum")
It's kind of funny--my sister thinks she has a right to be in a position of judgement because she has a bachelor's degree (in business) and a master's degree (in teaching), neither of which she is currently using in her job as a homemaker.
I'm planning most of the wedding on my own. Everyone in the wedding party has offered to help, but at the same time everyone is going through something right now...whether it's losing a job, dealing with the economy, and whatever else is thrown at them. My fiance is an amazing help or at least tries to be, but he works more than 40+ hours/week and I hate to give him more stuff to do in the little time he's got to relax. My parents work full time, but mom is trying to find time to be more helpful and my FMIL is a great help although she travels between houses and is out of town most of the week. It has been stressful, but I'm very thankful we're having a short engagement...we became engaged a little over a month ago and will be married in four months. I'm SO ready for the planning to be over and to just enjoy spending quality time with my new husband. Luckly, I come to Weddingbee for support...it's amazing the things you learn...otherwise I'd be a complete mess.
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Oh my gosh Yellow! You are going to be a doctor?! That's awesome! And you should be grateful that you are in a unique position where you know that someday you'll never really have to worry about money, and you have the freedom to choose a man for the goodness of his heart and not the fatness of his wallet. You DON'T HAVE TO worry about whether or not he's capable of supporting you, so why let it be a factor? Congratulations on making the right choice to be with someone for love. Smart girl.
I've been planning on my own too. My family, bff and close college friends all live out of town. I'm finishing my PhD and moving to Europe before the wedding, so I've been stressed out with some of my other life plans too. But I found wedding planning to be fun (for the most part! I guess everyone goes through some tough times in planning), and that it was a good way to de-stress about other things in my life, even if it's mostly just me and my FI. I bought 2 wedding dresses - one the for the civil ceremony and one for the actual wedding, which will be about a month apart - and the day I came home with my simple civil ceremony dress, I was so happy I forgot I was stressed out about work for a whole week! So just have fun with it :-)
I found also that you can get confused by other people's opinions. So in a way, it's good to do some things on your own, and then just show your BMs or mom what you decided rather than ask for their opinion (unless you are really stuck). They will most likely be supportive and say they love it (even if they don't ! haha!), so you can have the good positive comments and not be confused if they have different taste than you.
I'm trying to have fun with it on my own. Every now and then I send out photos of things we've picked for the wedding and I love getting the e-mails in return. Everyone has a different experience for their wedding, so don't feel alone - many of us are in similar situations!!
I'm the same way, the planning is a lot of fun; it destresses me I'll be moving to europe after the wedding and worry icant find a job ir it will take time to do the spousal visa, or having kids; so the planning is a welcome destressor
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Hi,
I was just wondering if anyone else was doing their wedding planning alone and how they're (physically) handling all of it?
My Fiancé definitely helps out when it's possible but wedding planning isn't exactly his forte.
I am the youngest of three girls and the first to get married so while my sisters are co maids of honor my telling them I was engaged and my asking them to be in the wedding are the only times we've actually discussed the wedding, per their requests. They are both single right now and I can see how this is a hard situation for them to be in and have tried to be respectful of their feelings.
My bridesmaids are great girls but with one of them just starting med school rotations, one in her second year of med school, and one in law school they have their hands pretty full already. I understand these are much more important priorities then helping me plan one day of my life and feel grateful that I will have the support of such wonderful girls on my actual wedding day.
Yesterday my mom told me she's leaving my dad (after 35+ years of marriage) and while I support any decision that makes them happier I can also see how this is going to make any wedding planning awkward for her and also explains why she's been rather standoffish in the planning from the get go (we're in year 2 of a 3 year engagement while I get my masters) All of this is made especially difficult by the fact that the wedding is in back home in Chicago and I am planning all of it from the East Coast.
Obviously everyone has very good reasons to not be overly involved in our wedding but I'm also starting to feel pretty overwhelmed with everything and don't know who I can turn to for advice and help along the way (besides wedding bee of course!) so I was just wondering how everyone else was finding a way deal with it.