Anyone else pressured about babies too soon?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
560 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I think it’s highly inappropriate for her to comment on it AT ALL, but ESPECIALLY since you’re not even married yet. Your husband needs to be a united front with you and he needs to tell her to stop. 

Post # 4
Member
1646 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@AlmostMrsJPS:  My mom is all about the passive aggressive statements. At first it was, oh I don’t have any children who are married, it must be so nice, while I’m standing right there. Now she’s moved onto the, oh it must be so nice to have the pitter patter of grandchildren in your house, I wish I knew what that was like.

Post # 5
Member
2519 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@AlmostMrsJPS:  I would throw her for a loop and tell her you don’t want kids at all. LOL! Seriously tho, I don’t have that issue but I would be SO annoyed.

Tell her to MYOB! Or have your FI talk to her and tell her to cool it. Imagine how bad it might get once you are actually married!

Post # 6
Member
1847 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@AlmostMrsJPS:  Tell her that every time she brings up the subject of babies, it is going to push your timeline back a month, minimum… 😉 

Post # 7
Member
885 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Oh man, I’m sorry your MIL is being like that!  My DH and I are in the same boat of being mid-20s but not wanting kids any time soon (if ever).  Our parents make the odd comments about “Won’t it be so nice when you have a baby??” but no where near what your MIL is doing.

I think it’s time for your FI to have a firm chat with her about boundaries… it seems like this type of behaviour will only escalate otherwise.

Post # 8
Member
1355 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Vine Street Church

Parents on either side have not bothered us, but my husband’s extended family has been on baby watch pretty much since we started dating. It’s creepy.

Post # 10
Member
1802 posts
Buzzing bee

@AlmostMrsJPS:  I would be so annoyed if my FMIL was doing this. This is probably one of the only things that she doesn’t annoy me about. My SO’s older brother got his girlfriend pregnant when they were 17, so his mom doesn’t really seem to push having children at a young age even though SO is almost 23 now. The only thing “pushy” that she’s said so far is that we should be married before we live together. We’ve known for a long time that we want to live together before marriage. We found out in late May 2013 that we were approved to move into an apartment in mid-August. She asked us if we would be getting married before the move. No!!! LOL

ETA: Saw your update about her judging your future parenting style as “stressful.” I know my FMIL will judge how we parent because it’s going to be completely different from how she did it. I’m a nanny, and she already judges me for how I care for children. I’m a bit more hands off as I believe children should be independent. If a child gets hurt (very minorly) I will usually ask them if they are okay, bleeding, think they need medical care, etc. If they say no I don’t really pay attention to any behavior. So far, it has worked well that the child usually stops crying within a few seconds. If they were seriously injured it be a different story, but my FMIL makes comments about this because she used to RUN to her children if they stubbed their toe. I just can’t wait to have kids, so that we can be judged all the time…

Post # 11
Member
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@AlmostMrsJPS:  I took a tip from Dear Abby and used humor to diffuse people’s questions.

My favorite repsonses were as follows:

 

“When are you having children?”

 

My repsonses depedning on my mood:

“As soon as I find one with a good return policy”

or, I would smile and laugh and point and said ‘So you are going to babysit”/ “”Oh, give me your wallet so you can donate to their college fund’

Post # 12
Member
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@AlmostMrsJPS:  Be prepared. She will want to be there in the room when her “pwecious weshious grannnnddbaby” is born.

Post # 14
Member
490 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m getting this from my grandmother and one of my aunts, not so much my mom or my MIL.  My grandmother wants to be a great-grandmother so bad and she’s always on the lookout for pregnancy announcements on Facebook.  The aunt wants more children in the family and she commented on my status freaking out about my job (original post was “Oh my god, I think I’m going to puke.  Or cry.  Or both” with many back and forth comments about why I was feeling that way) and she posts, “ARE YOU PREGNANT???”

Yes, I’m going to post my reaction to a positive pee stick on facebook the moment I get it.  *eyeroll*

It’s not just me that gets it, though – I have two other cousins who are married and they get the brunt of it because they’re able to visit more often.

Post # 15
Member
5421 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

@AlmostMrsJPS:  We don’t want children, and find that some people just cannot/will not accept that. It can be extremely frustrating, but I’ve gotten better at dealing with it since ‘coming out’ as being childfree by choice.

In your situation I’d probably make light of it initially by ‘laughing it off’; if she gets very persistent then I’d maybe be a bit firmer and say that much as she might want grandkids within 2 years, that ain’t gonna happen, and she’s just going to have to deal with it.

Post # 16
Member
2364 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@AlmostMrsJPS:  For us, it’s not too soon per se.  When we get married I’ll be 31 and FH will be 33, HOWEVER, it’s too soon for US mentally, emotionally and possibly financially.  WE ARE STILL SELFISH and as much as I adore kids, I couldn’t see myself tied down to a baby in the next year or two.

Maybe my mind will change once we’re married and buy a house, but I enjoy my/our freedom and our life the way it is.  I feel kids too soon wouldn’t give us time for our marriage to thrive on it’s own. 

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