(Closed) Anyone else scared?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I go through moments like this definitely. It doesn’t help that people (especially unhappy people) like to jam divorce rate stats down your throat every chance they get. I think it’s normal to be scared of that, not because of your actual relationship but because the future is sort of a big question mark. We don’t know what will happen and we can’t predict it – that’s more what I get scared of, the not knowing part. Just take comfort in how much love you and your FI have and know it’s not weird for you to feel scared sometimes. You are committing your life to someone – I feel like not being scared once in a while would be even weirder because then you’ve got this blind faith that everything will be perfect.

Post # 4
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

@nyc: yep (everyone is suprised i know because i’m in waiting blah blah)  but sometimes i am scared sh.tless. i mean we are a great couple but now i have the option to walk away (not saying i would, but i could if i wanted to)  but when i’m married, i’m married (thought causes a huge lump in my throat).  oddly enough m says he has no doubts or second thoughts or anything like that… and i’m going nuts!!! i have decided to take each moment and day one at a time.  and it has helped a lot… i get more like the feeling you have every day (i perceive every day as one day closer to our engagement).. .

Post # 5
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Of course, this is one of the most permanent thing you’ll ever do in your life, the second having children and then a house.  You have every right to be scared, sad, nervous, insert emotion here.  If he truly is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, then all those feelings will eventually melt away. 

Post # 6
Member
1207 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Yeah, sometimes I am a little scared too!  I think it’s natural to be scared before taking a big step in life.  I know I always have been!  Moving out of your parents house, going to college, living hours away from family and friends, all of those things are scary.  And marriage is scary because you are taking a big step by entwining your life with someone elses!  As long as you don’t let that fear rule you, I really think that it’s healthy to be a little scared!

Post # 7
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I totally agree with you!  It seems everyone in my family has been divorced so it doesn’t set a good example for me.  But then I remember, almost everyone in my FI’s family is married and has been for 25+ years. 

I get scared out of my mind at times but not being with my Mister is not an option.  And since I would rather live with him than without him, I remind myself that everything I feel is just fear and anxiety and once we are married we will be fine.

Don’t over stress it.  Just remember why you are marrying him, remember that you believe in love and you will get through!!

Post # 8
Member
7779 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I get scared sometimes, too. Especially with FI being in the military and us being on the young side.

I agree with Kitty that people love to shove divorce rates down your throat and no matter how secure you are in your relationship, that gets to you sometimes.

We’ve both had really good examples of marriages in our lives (My parents have been married 34 years, his g-parents 60+), so we both know that it can be done!

Post # 9
Member
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think we’re all a *little bit* scared of the future. But it might make you feel better knowing that research shows that the divorce rate in this country is slightly, SLIGHTLY, decreasing since the 80’s-90’s.

Post # 10
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

People always have and always will do things that they are afraid of. Often times, with great risk there comes great reward. We can not look into the future with fear of what may happen and let that stop us from moving forward. We must look to the future with great optimism about the greatness that awaits us. Where would we be if George Washington had seen the odds against him and given up before the fight? Many times people will fight for what they know and love against even the greatest odds, in hopes that their greatest dreams will be granted them. Marriage is very much like this. We go into it knowing the odds are against us. But we also go into it willing to fight for it. Marriage is never going to be perfect, and I’m sure every marriage sees its hard times; but, we never know what the future holds for us. There is greatness to be had. That is why we take the risk.

Post # 11
Member
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Oh, research also shows that when looking at couples who DO NOT divorce when considering it, 5 years later they are happy again and not considering divorce.

So when it gets hard, keep going. And then you’ll probably survive.. well, at least statistically.

Post # 12
Member
17 posts
Newbee

To be honest, no wonder you’re scared of marraige if “without him [you] would seriously cease to be.”!!! I mean, yes, I don’t want to get a divorce (who enters marriage wanting to get a divorce?!) but, I am comforted by the fact that if something were to happen, I am a strong person, I am my own person, and that I would live on and survive even if I weren’t with my FI. That doesn’t mean I don’t love him, it just means that I don’t depend on him to survive. Perhaps you should reevaluate your dependency on him?

Post # 13
Member
350 posts
Helper bee

Yes.  And I have been married over a month and I am STILL scared when I let myself think about it!!!

Post # 14
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

@anonymouslyanonymous: really?!  seriously why be anonymous if you have something worth saying?! it’s okay to use your name.  it is not okay to hide behind a pseudo snarky identity for purposes of “keeping it real”. it’s actually quite annoying.  i honestly think if you would have said this under your real name/identity you would have been just fine. it’s okay to voice your opinion.

Post # 15
Member
17 posts
Newbee

I think whatever reason I choose to post anonymously should be respected. I don’t have to reveal my identity no matter what I have to say, crebre. If that even is your real name 😉 Oh! and sometimes when people respond with “tough love” unpopular opinions, they are roasted.

Post # 16
Member
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Here we go again.. POSITIVE ENERGY PEOPLE!!!!

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