Post # 1
I am not officially engaged yet but we live together and have the ring on layaway. I am totally ready for the ring and the engagement but the wedding part… I am glad that it is 2 years away. I know that I love him and I know that I want to marry him but I am so scared at the same time. It’s not second thoughts – just my past marriage rearing its ugly head and affecting my life now as usual (abuse). I know that he is a good man and I absolutely adore him but omg I am so afraid. Please tell me that I am not alone?
Post # 3
You’re not alone– marriage is a huge, life-changing step to take, even for someone without an abusive past. Give yourself time to slowly heal the emotional wounds of your last marriage, and please keep your boyfriend in the loop about how you’re feeling. He needs to learn from you how to handle your specific set of feelings, and learn how to navigate through them smoothly.
Post # 4
Yes, I am afraid. But if I let fear rule my life I might cheat myself out of happiness that I deserve.
Post # 5
Not alone! Mister is always telling me I don’t have to be afraid with him. He know that I’m scared to share my life with someone else again. The first time around was very painful (during and after). It took me 2 years to heal. Well, to get where I am today. I wasn’t completely healed until about 8 months ago; right before I met Mister. I knew then I was ready to move on. Although I took that step, I was afraid throughout of getting hurt. NOw, I’m afraid that one of us will be resentful of the other after the honey period ends for some reason. Reason(s) I don’t know today. You’re normal! Just remember this… you don’t want the abuse from your past marriage to determine the rest of your life. You deserve to be in a healthy and happy marriage.
Post # 6
My ex was abusive also.
What you have to remember is he is not the same man as your ex is/was.
Your life is new. You’ve healed and are still healing and moving on from that darker place into a place of love and light and protection.
Eenie beanies is right. Living in fear could rob you of the pain of your happiness NOW.
I went to a counselor to help me thru this. It took about six months but I was able to rid myself of the negative remanants of the life I’d had with my ex. I did that a few years back. Best thing I ever did. Plus that along with my faith, has pulled me into a new mindset..a new way of living and I’m grateful to be who I am now. It took all of these life events to help me become who I am. I think having endured what I did it makes me stronger, more loving, a better mom, and more caring.
Lots of hugs and love to those who went thru the darkness and sadness only to be ever so brave enough to open their hearts to love again. You’re the bravest of the brave!
Post # 7
I think everyone has some sort of fear going into marriage. I know I can’t begin to understand what most of you beautiful ladies are talking about, with past abusive relationships…but in my situation it’s more I have thoughts of, “does he really love me? will he stay with me forever?” due to past FAILED relationships…honestly my husband was the longest relationship I’ve ever had once it hit past the 2 month mark! Honestly until I met my husband I had the WORST luck with guys and the longest relationship I had before I met him was 2 months (this isn’t including my high school boyfriend which was 6 months but it was high school)…
But the past few years before I met my husband I was constantly dating and trying so hard to find the relationship that “worked”…and was probably trying too hard and so I always got incredibly emotionally hurt and pretty much decided no one was ever going to love me.
But then I met my (now) husband and obviously all of that changed…but there’s still that fear in the back of my mind that he’s got some ulterior motive because really – no one’s EVER loved me before…but I also constantly remind myself I’m crazy and if he didn’t truly love me, he wouldn’t be with me.
So again – I truly believe everyone has fears of some sort when it comes to marriage. It takes a LOT on both sides to make a marriage work. And if you are constantly in fear of it ending – I am not saying this to be mean – but it might. It goes back to “if you believe you’ll fail, then you will”.
Honestly a therapist might be the answer, if – that is – your fear starts to really become an issue for you because you should never try to deal with it alone or the fear WILL eat you up inside.
Your fiance loves you. Always remember that if he didn’t, he wouldn’t be there. Everyone has free will and his choices are what makes him who he is. His choice is staying with you and loving you for the rest of his life. I constantly remind myself of that when those nasty thoughts dominate my own thinking.
Not to sound cliche, but it also takes a lot to get over your fear and truly love yourself and once you do, you’ll realize that you’re worthy of love and that this man you are with truly 1000% loves you for you. now it’s just time to love YOU for you…