Post # 1
Not sure how else to put it. DH and I started just ” seeing where things would go” back in March/April, and after a few months of nothing, we weren’t upset… at all. This led to a conversation that maybe we aren’t ready, when will we be ready, maybe we aren’t supposed to be parents. Ugh– lots of weird emotions and confusion right now as to how we feel.
We both went into marriage 100% wanting kids. Now, we are married ( almost 1.5 years), own a home, both have great jobs, have family close and NOW we kind of get kiddie cold feet?! Anyone else kind of have TTC plans and start, freak out a bit, stop and then resume at a later date?
I should also add that of course our sex life is an open commentary amongst parents/grandparents/siblings/coworkers. EVERYONE asks all the time when we will start trying, and a few people mentioned that they ” can’t see us as parents”. I am not sure I know what that means, I mean– why would we not make good parents? Or, they’re worried we are getting too old.. DH will be 32 this year and me 27. Not exactly what I would categorize as ” too old”.
I feel like we are both in the camp of, if it happens and we get a BFP then YAY, but if not then— oh well, we tried? Anyone else?
Post # 3
@Mrs_Amanda: we did. we TTC’d for a few months and then i freaked out about the financial part and we decided to hold off for awhile. we’re actively preventing right now but we’ve talked about TTC and we agree that once we try again, it if happens, then great but if not, we’ll be ok with it.
Post # 4
@calibee79: that makes sense. I am not entirely sure why we both had a melt down about it! I have spent my entire adult life actively trying to not get pregnant, then we go and get married, wait a year and then try and then NOPE– back to not trying!
Post # 5
@Mrs_Amanda: I’m like this. We’re actively trying but every once in a while I get a fleeting moment of “This is such a bad idea…”
You’re never really ready. that’s the bottom line. But you can be NOT ready at all, and thats ok too. Wish I had better advice to give but you really aren’t alone here. I constantly say it just needs to happen so I can stop vacillating. and the more time you have to think on it the more moments you have of “yes I want this/no I dont” I will be thrilled once it happens but I’m content now as it is just as much.
Post # 6
I understand where you are coming from. DH and I have a similar outlook about having a baby. If it happens, great but if it does not, we will have a good life too with travelling and other fun things to experience.
We talked about it in length and we agreed we will try for 1 year TTC. We are much older (DH-43 and I am 36 almost 37) and so it made sense for us to put a deadline.
I honestly can see that I can be happy either way.
Post # 7
We were trying for 5 months when I started to get cold feet. It wasn’t happening and I was getting tired of stressing about it. A few days later, I found out I was pregnant. I was really happy but terrified. Unfortunately I had a miscarriage and then was obsessed with getting pregnant again. Now I’m kind of back in the “if it happens, it happens” stage. It’s such a huge change to your life when you have a child! It’s hard to wrap my head around sometimes even though I know for sure that I want kids.
Post # 8
@jny1179: how did you transition in to being ” obssessed” about kids, to not and going back to waiting? I just haven’t hit that stage, nor do I fully understand it. I see it a lot on the boards and IRL, I am just afraid I will never make it there!