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With the wedding just ten days away, I'm trying to focus on that and not how much trouble we are in financially. My fiance has been out of work for seven months. I took a massive pay cut four months ago, and our savings is all but gone. Seriously. After this month, we will be living paycheck to paycheck. I never thought this could happen to us. We are both well-educated, and have done everything "right". My parents are paying for the wedding (thank goodness!) but the stress of "real life" is really getting to me. And to us. We are trying to use this to draw us closer together, but the pressure sometimes causes strife between us.
Anyone else starting marriage in the "for poorer" category?
While we aren't quite living paycheck to paycheck it is pretty close now. I was in a car accident and totaled my car (I'm fine though!) so we had to buy me a new car since I commute to work. Well with the new car payment and the insurance increase that pretty much zapped what we had been putting in our savings account before the accident. We wanted to buy a house soon but it doesn't look good, especially where we live because houses are still expensive.
So I know how you feel! Just keep reminding yourselves that you aren't marrying each other for how much money you have but because you love each other! It will get better!
We live pay check to pay check every single time. We always just barely scrap by with enough left over to do laundry and get groceries if we are lucky. I usually end up with about $5 in between pay checks even with us both working. I can totally relate!
Oh yes... when we got married, we were actually hugely in debt!! It was very very stressful. Bee's job as a dogwalker was a godsend!
Oh yeah! I've been unemployed since February and my fiance's job is kind of rocky right now. We are living paycheck to paycheck, we're in the process of refinance his mortgage to get a lower payment, and like you, our parents are more or less paying for the wedding. We're figuring on one more year of things being tight, because my car will be paid off in a year. Refinancing the mortgage will help a lot. Since I haven't found work, I'm going back to school full time. It sucks but we know we are doing everything we can.
Oh yes I can totally relate. We live paycheck to paycheck also but that doesn't even cover it. It is really tough and very frustrating. Especially we really haven't bought a lot of things we don' t need and we own one credit card with 1500.00 limit and it is maxed and mostly with medical bill stuff and once it is paid off will be cut up and never used again. Our bills are mostly all medical and with no health insurance and cancer last fall I am sure you can guess that equals trouble. We fight with even trying to put money together to get me to a doctor just to get me medication so I really understand the stress of it all.
We are totally in it for the richer or poorer and atleast I know that for sure going into it:) I just hope we can get out of it quickly as it does cause a lot of stress in a relationship. But remember what is important and you can' t take it with you when you go. You got to work together or you won't have anything. We love Dave Ramsey and we don't buy anything we can't pay for now.
I am glad your parents are helping your day to be special. That is really awesome. We have had to cancel all our wedding plans and just the two of us say I do, but atleast we know we are in it together no matter what:)
I hope all gets better soon and just stick together:) We work hard at that and pray a lot!!!!!
Us too. I make enough to support myself comfortably enough but my paycheck covers all the household expenses and my bills. Pretty much everything except for my fiance's bills and his gas. All the money he makes goes towards his debt or back into rodeoing. We have the budget down pat now but what's stressing me out is that we're looking to add another few once we get married.
Right now my car insurance is still on my dad's policy and both of our cell phones are on family plans. I don't really feel right about our parents paying any bills once we're married so I want to take those on. The tricky part is I'm not sure where the money's going to come from. I put away enough in savings out of every check to probably cover them but I REALLY don't want to stop savings. Things are too uncertain for that. Oh, and FI doesn't have health insurance outside of the PRCA (rodeo). That has to change once we're married too.
We're fortunate that my parents wanted to pay for the wedding and that his are chipping in, otherwise we would have had to elope or it would have been a long time coming!
CountryCowgirl has a good point. At least we know we can hack it as a couple during the hard times! Things will be cake when he takes on a teaching or coaching position! (Now there's a sign of how little we get by on, a teacher's salary will be a vast improvement! :-) Actually it's not that bad, Wyoming pays it's teachers pretty well.)
FI lives paycheck to paycheck with a roommate - he wouldn't be able to afford rent on his own at all. I am unemployed and living with my parents. I absolutely need to get a job before May (when we get married) or else we won't make it. I just graduated from college and thought I'd have a job by now... I just gotta keep looking.
Oh we are totally paycheque to paycheque!
I am a full-time PhD student and he works but it is really hard with a single-income - mortgage and bills (and sometimes a life) Luckily I am teaching part-time in the fall so that should help a bit!
But don't let it stress you out - I know it is easier said than done but you too will get through this together and the situation could always be worse!
Good luck and Congrats in 10 days!
We are very much there! Mr. Cloud was out of a job for about six months right after we got engaged, and we are still catching up from that. I had a lot of trouble getting over the stigma of the unemployment, but really its not all that uncommon anymore! I do think that time when it was really really hard when month five hit and we were too poor to even hit mcdonalds, was one of the best times in our relationships. I know now getting married that we will be able to get through anything!
I agree with Miss Cloud-getting through this shows me we can get through anything. We've made a point of not letting it affect our relationship.
We are in the same situation. After having surgery in April and losing my job, I am still unemployed and we are paying for some of the wedding out of our pockets...so it's been tough.
I've been unemployed since December (partially b/c I was in England, and partially b/c of the economy) and Mr.D isn't allowed to work in the US till several months after we're married. We live with my parents and have no hope of moving into a place of our own right after the wedding. FML. :(
Thank goodness for this post!
I have saved for our wedding since I started working about 10 years ago, and my parents are helping out, our wedding is just about paid for. We have talked about using some of our tax returns next year to finish paying for it.
FH is in debt, and had no control of his money. He has a lot of CC debt, I don't have much. He has no savings, and I have some (on top of the wedding money, but not much). FH recently went from being hourly with OT to paid for 40 hours a week straight, which is barely enough to cover his share of the bills let alone things like his insurance, gas, etc. I sometimes feel like we're drowning.
We bought our house 2 years ago, and we didn't have a huge down payment, so we have to pay PMI. Thank goodness that we don't have an ARM. Some people think we're lucky, but I'm always afraid we could start not being able to afford it and lose the house, causing a lifetime of chaos...in addition, I feel like we will NEVER be able to afford having kids.
Wow. Sounds like I'm not alone! Thanks for commisserating with me. I'm trying to figure out creative ways to make a little extra money - and trying to get over my pride of refusing help that people offer!
august15bride I am so glad you posted this not only for your sake, but you made a lot of other people feel better that they are not alone. It took bravery to write that and I thank you for that:) I am glad you feel atleast a little better knowing you are not alone.
It is great to have weddingbee, they help you to feel better and realize you aren't the only one and have great suggestions also:)
I am in the same boat as the other bees. We are basically living pay check to pay check. I am out of a job in september. We are lucky to have enough over for food. I really dont want to start going to the savings account. People keep telling me i am so lucky in many ways i am very lucky. My mom died 2 years ago and has a butt load of debt and the only asset she has is her house, which my soon to be man and i are living in. We have to sell the house next spring in other to settle the debt. In a way it will be nice to move but its kind of scary at the same time. We dont have a mortage right now but we have other bills to pay plus the wedding. The only way we can get another house is if we get alot out of the house and have a huge down payment. I keep thinking to myself how will we be able to have kids one day but i know things will work out.
Oh honey, I know what you mean. FI got his hours cut at the beginning of the year and as of this month we are doing the paycheck to paycheck thing as well. I have had at least 3 dreams in the past month that FI has called me up and told me they are back on overtime. Different scenarios too. One was he called me and woke me up, which was just a cruel joke on myself. Then, you actually wake up and realize it was a dream, yet it felt so real....Oh well. Good luck to you my dear! Hang in there!
We don't live paycheck to paycheck, but if things don't improve, we may start. Between paying for the wedding, having renters really screw us at rental houses, and paying points to lower mortgage rate on our primary home, our savings accounts are really looking dry. On top of that, mine is going to not start going back up for a long time because my ex is refusing to pay child support right now (ugh don't even get me started on deadbeat dads right now).
We're in the same boat too! We both work full-time jobs (thankfully) and we do have enough to get by, but we just have debt. We've been more focused on paying that down since the wedding is over now, but its easier said than done!
It's ok, August! Give it some time. Lots of people (particularly younger couples) start off in the whole or with nothing. My husband is getting ready to leave the military and after paying for our wedding, the savings is not going to go super far....we'll be going on one paycheck at a time, too, which is stressful. I make my paycheck work for just *me* but not *us* yikes. Another mouth to feed? Stressful, but you can't let it consume your thoughts. Where there's a will, there's a way
It sucks but it makes you communicate better AND be creative with dates and your meals and everything. In 5 years you'll look back and be able to say "we did it!"
Hugs! You're getting married soon! =]
Yea, we are going to be in the for poorer category. We ARE in the for poorer category actually, but since I'm a college student and he just finished being one we are used to "college" style living. And while we don't have a lot of money this is probably the best I've ever lived so, its cool. Once in a blue moon we get down, but really our life together is wonderful.
Yep, right there with ya sister. My FI just finished grad school in May and has yet to find a job. I'm supporting us and while we're not quite paycheck to paycheck we're pretty close and will be if FI doesn't get a job soon! I think you just have to remember this is incredibly stressful (unemployment, wedding, etc) and you'll pull through! :)
Yep. Yep, yep, yep. We both live with my FI's parents. I go back to school at the end of this month, and while he'll be making decent money November through May, it's tough. We're moving right after the wedding. As much as we love San Diego, it's too expensive for us! Austin here we come!
likely for poorer...we are trying to set up the foundation for our lives together now though...We don't live paycheck to paycheck per say, but we sometimes over indulge and have to budget at the end of the month pinching pennies sometimes. We are tyring to work on this issue and have started saving and cut out how much we go out to eat. The main issue for us is going to be building our credit. My credit isn't horrible..it's just that with student loans, car payments, and credit cards I do have quite a bit of debt. It is managable and I am trying to clip my plastic and pay off what's left. My FI on the other hand has a bigger prob with his credit due to an abundance of medical bills he has had. I know if we start thinking and being smart now we can have a comfy life.
From someone who has been in your shoes, it does and will get better. Before I met my now DH I was largely in debt due to school loans, improper knowledge on credit cards and just being plain irresponsible. To give myself some credit I have been on my own since 18, about 10 years and putting myself through school the last 3-4 years bc I was tired of taking out loans when I finally decided what I wanted to do. So I always and continued to grow deeper in a hole. My DH is very savy with money and we went and currently are on Davey Ramseys plan to help couples fight debt and stay out of it. The result? Almost completely debt free, give me less than a year. It was so hard to hand my finances over to him or discuss with him because it does hurt your pride but you can do it togethor and we are stronger now because we discuss every nickel, dime and penny and it really has taught me the value of what I want in the future vs what I want now. Hence, why we did not have a wedding so to speak, just a small intimate ceremony. No need to rack further debt for a day, more important things to pay for. Just hang in there, stick togethor, there are ways out of this you just have to really work on it. It can happen! I am praying for everyone that this unemployment and job crisis ceases soon, I never really knew how many people are out of work until I read this post.
Good luck!
Oh this post makes me feel so much better! My FI and I are not quite living paycheck to paycheck yet but I feel like we're just a few steps away! He moved here to Chicago (and proposed) to be closer to me, but he left a steady paycheck behind to do freelance work. Right now he's making enough money to barely cover his own expenses, but some months the checks just don't come in... Right now I can support us both by myself but in the last month my job has become significantly less secure. I am so scared! We are both lucky that my parents have been so generous with us and are paying for our wedding, but I can't help feeling so guilty about it!
I'm so glad I'm not alone and that other hive-members are just as worried and suffering from the bad economy....
I hear ya!
I have been out of work since June, and am having trouble looking. My fiance works in Customer Service, so you know he doesn't get paid enough (especially with the ridiculous amount in loans he has every month!!!)
I am paying my share of rent and bills with the little savings I saved up while I was employed.
You're lucky you have help for the wedding...we have none. Therefore, we are engaged, but have not set a date...and cannot set one until I get a job! :(
I'll pray for both of us!
FI and I are definitely in the same boat with everyone else. We are both lucky enough to have decent jobs, but he's also got a huge amount of law school and credit card debt. I've got no debt, but I'm not making much money either. We do have a home with a nice low mortgage, but I'm dying for us to feel more comfortable and be able to replace broken appliances/make other home improvements without planning for them for months and months. Our leaky fridge is killing me right now!
WOW, I cannot believe how many people are in the same boat. It is somewhat comforting. We aren't too bad but with paying for most of this wedding on our own we practically have been living paycheck to paycheck. My FI had to take a large pay cut to stay with the company he is with now at the end of last year which led me to have to pay for most of this wedding by myself. He has contributed as much as he can and I am truly grateful. I made sure that he was able to pay for his expenses before contributing to the wedding and it was OK if he couldn't put in the amount that we agreed to each month.
We are 30 more days from living a little more comfortably. Once this wedding is over, I can bank a lot more money then I have been to have a comfortable savings account and same is true for my FI. When we started planning we sat down and figured out a specific number that each of us can put away each paycheck for the wedding hall fund and we did really well. This was the most we ever saved and did it in about 9 months. We now know what we can do and it is very comforting but it will only last until I have this job. I was told early this year that my company has purchased a 3rd party software that pretty much does my job. So it looks like sometime next year, I will be on the job market.
This definitely is not good news by any stretch of the imagination but if I prepare now for it, it will be less stressful.
Good Luck August15Bride! As long as you have each other, you WILL make it through.
we're both up to our waist in student loans, he's a grad studnet (thank you, deferrment!) and I'm working to support us and pay off my loans, making slightly less than I did when I was living at home and single!
It's going to besomewhat stressful for us(as it is for anyone), but in college I learned to be a master budgeteer, and we've never had lots of money so we should be just fine, for now. We can eat mac n cheese on our used sofa and still be in love! :-)
You're definitely not the only ones in this situation! We're not in the best financial situation imaginable. With me back in grad school and with student teaching only a few months away, we're definitely not rolling in dough. I always look at it that we've got each other and we'll figure out a way to get through whatever comes our way. It is hard though, especially since most people assume that as soon as you get married, (if you don't already), you'll be buying a house. We're nowhere near being in a position to afford that (at least for a couple of years), so it kinda sucks when I have to keep answering the question.
i have been financially independant and hold my own financially. However my FI is less than equal on the financial plain. He has never lived outside his mothers home. His income JUST covers his debt. ANd well although he has lived with My children and MYself for the past 9 months, he really hasnt put much into the finances of the house.
It is a bit uncomfortable for me to think about what the future holds... We do not get married until MArch, but I have asked him repeatedly to show me his and I show him mine(debt and income), but he is reluctant to do so. I am uncomfortable saying I do until I know exactly what I am getting into.
Anyone else feel like their Fiance is holding out on them?? I mean I know he works alot, I have an incling of his income, and of his debts...but everytime we have a discussion...the amounts change...and agreements we had reagrding the use of credit cards have fallen by the way side. We agreed that we would do our best to reduce the amount of credit card debt, he was going to take out ANOTHER personal loan to pay off his credit card balances (he has doent his before but doesnt get rid of the cards) I have a mortgage and tops about $2500 in credit card debt,
He has debt that takes about 75% of his income to pay off by my figuring....I am not marrying him for his money, but I am nervous about the idea of essentially having him marry me becasue I am financially stable.
AM i wrong to be concerned?
oh yeah. Very for poorer. We'll have nothing. No furniture, nothing. We are starting from scratch in a new country and he won't be able to work for about 3 months - visa stuff - and I am fearful I will have lots of trouble finding a job as my career is a hard position to come by and then add the crap economy to that. I forsee lots of QT with mom and dad in the 'burbs. We're very lucky they are willing to take us in until we get going.
We are not quite living paycheck to paycheck yet, but we've got to be careful. I've been out of job since june and can't look for something right now because I'm moving to my fiancé's city.
@MrsLove2B: I would definitely be concerned! Money is the leading cause of divorce, so you don't want to start out not knowing where you stand. It is SO important to communicate about financial issues. Maybe he's embarassed to be upfront with you because you are in such a better financial place. But when you marry, his debt becomes your debt (at least the part that accrues while you are married) so it is important to know what you are getting yourself into! Good luck!
@mrsLove2b: Whoa. You don't know what your Fi makes?! Or how much debt he has?! You guys need a chat stat. And, be careful about combining finances. WHile you have good credit and are responsible, you should make sure that his bad credit and debt and loan problems (taking out one loan to pay off another, etc) doesn't tarnish your record or you could both be in a LOT of trouble. Live off your salary and use ALL of his income (all 100%) to pay off the debt asap. The fact that you don't know means it could be ANY number. You can work as a team, but you don't need it to ruin your finances to the point that you BOTH get burned in the process.
we are starting off for poorer. Thanks for posting this, I thought I was the only one.
I have had a full time job since I graduated college in May 2008 and my poor fiance is having issues with finding a job and has a small part time job while looking and looking and LOOKING for a job. It's a rough economy :( We are paying for most of the wedding along with student loans and a dog who had a broken leg and then re-broke it (how, we have no idea!!)!
All I know is that we are going to be 1000% stronger from this and we are pulling through this with a lot of love for each other and despite everything we are very happy :D
Agreed on all counts. We've been living paycheck to paycheck for a while now, and saving for the wedding has made it even more difficult. We do all the cost-cutting measures -- getting rid of things like cable, cooking at home every night, not going out, etc. but still struggling. We're both paying for graduate school in cash (no loans) and we're determined to pay for the wedding and honeymoon without using credit cards (fiance had CC problems in the past that he continues to pay dearly for)
So yes, it's a struggle, and I can only hope that things get better next year when we get married and the economy (hopefully!) starts to turn around.
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