Post # 1
I’ve been feeling a little off the past week or so and I couldn’t put my finger on exactly what it was until today – I am putting myself under enormous pressure to be “perfect” – and more specifically to look perfect.
Small things that I always disliked about myself are turning into near obsessions. You’d be hard-pressed to find a young woman who doesn’t think she could lose a pound or two – but lately, all I can think of is how fat I am. At 5’3″ and 118 lbs, I know I’m just fine, but since becoming engaged its a constant thought. I always wished I had straighter teeth – but now I find myself overanalyzing my smile constantly.
I have never been one to blame the media for promoting unrealistic ideals, but I’m thinking that could play a big part here. I think a lot of women feel pressured to make this the best (and best-looking) time of their life.
How about you? Any other Bees out there experiencing the same thing?
Post # 3
Oh, honey – I think a lot of Bees experience this. And I think it does have to do with the media, both the way it portrays women and all of the wedding rhetoric about it being “all about the bride” and “the best/most perfect/most important day of your life.”
A couple of strategies for countering that:
– Always, always, always frame it as “OUR wedding,” and not “MY wedding.” It helps take the focus off you and remind you that you are part of a team, you’re in this together, and that’s what’s important.
– Recognize that it’s actually really silly to hope/expect/want the wedding day to be “the best day of your life,” because you don’t really want to peak on Day One, do you? And have it be downhill from there? Think of the wedding as more of a beginning than a culmination. Yes, it’s very important and you want to look beautiful (and you WILL!), but you don’t need to put such extreme pressure on yourself.
Best of luck to you and welcome to the Bee! I hope you find a lot of great support here.
Post # 4
I think the most important thing that may help with this, is to remember that nobody will be looking at your wedding pics, or even caring/remembering much about your wedding about 2 weeks after it’s done….except you, your DH, and maybe your parents. Remembering that takes a lot of the pressure off. Nobody will remember if you are perfect, of if you have slightly crooked teeth. They will be too busy dancing, or reuniting with family, or hitting the bar.
Post # 5
@MissSandyShore: Sounds pretty normal to me. And yes, 118 is about perfect for your height!
Think of your wedding as an event where everyone who is there loves you. For you. Not because you’re looking extra pretty that day. Not because of your weight. I have never seen a bride that wasn’t somehow glowing. People don’t notice details. You’re not there to sell the wedding pics to the press for a couple of million. You’re there to celebrate with people who care about you and will think you look gorgeous no matter what.
Post # 6
Remember your FI loves you FOR WHO YOU ARE! Please stop obessing, it is not healthy.
Post # 7
@MissSandyShore: Remember this: even the hottest model in the world doesn’t wake up looking like “herself” as you know her. If you were airbrushed to sh*t, had a personal trainer, meals delivered to you, and lived the same lifestyle as celebrities, you would look like them too.
But do you know who does think you’re perfect? Your FI 🙂 he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, exactly as you are right now. You don’t need to change for the wedding, or anything else. He asked you to marry him looking just as you do. So while us regular folks may never look like Adriana Lima, we all found partners who don’t give a damn 🙂
We all face insecurities, but don’t let them control your life. When you get these negative thoughts, force yourself to start listing all the great qualities you have. I always do my best to shut that little nagging voice in my head right up!
Post # 8
Thanks all – I didn’t mean to come of sounding whiney at all – or to ask for everyone to kiss my ass lol (but I’ll take it )! Just thought it was worth noting how ridiculous this whole “thing” has become. I say thing because some weddings I have been to are more like circuses!!
Post # 9
I feel like I’m having trouble catching up with the unrealistic image I had of myself on my wedding day. For my whole life my wedding has been so far in the future that I pictured myself as a model with C cups, long thick curly hair, perfectly strait white teeth, a killer tan and flawless skin….I still feel like a little girl playing dress up.
Post # 10
@FutureMrsClayshulte: I know! Growing up is weird, I keep waiting for that moment when I’ll feel like a real “grown-up”…still waiting!