Post # 1
Our wedding is just about 6 weeks away, and while I am incredibly excited to get married and start our lives together… I find myself a little unsure of how to take on this role as ‘Bride’.
I work as a wedding coordinator and sales manager, so weddings are my work and my life. We chose a wedding date just 4 months from our engagement date as I knew I could make it work. I’ve accomplished a TON in such a short amount of time that will make for a largely DIY very ‘us’ wedding…
But I think partly because it is my job, partly because I have NO bridesmaid help, no close friends in the area I don’t really ‘feel’ like a Bride per se.
I have been married before, about 10 years ago and maybe because I was younger and surrounded by our friends from college and wasn’t working in wedding things felt differently.
My shower is this Sunday, hosted by my mother in her hometown, with a handful of my friends coming, but the remainder are my mother’s friends/family that I don’t really know.
Since I am usually the one working behind the scenes, dealing with all the last minute wedding stress, the politics, the craziness… and act as the stress sponge for everyone – all the while staying out of the pictures, the limelight and the hoopla of the day, I’m having a really hard time figuring out how to function in the role of bride.
Is anyone else struggling with this? It’s not that I’m not excited, I just need to sort of amp myself up and enjoy this more… and hoping someone knows what I mean and can offer some tips 🙂
Post # 3
@thewheelsonthebus: I know what you mean, I love weddings, but I feel weird being “the bride”. I thought I’d like planning my wedding, but it actually made me completely freakedWe’ve been together for years and already have 2 kids, everything “wedding” just seemed so wrong. So now we are doing everything kind of unweddingy, blue dress, wedding pie, no attendands except our kids, etc. I’m just looking at it as a party to celebrate our family. I don’t really have any advice, I just wanted to let you know that you are not the only “Bride” who doesn’t feel very “bridal”.
Post # 4
I don’t do it for a living, but I’m very much an event planner/behind the scenes type person. I wasn’t really feeling like a bride throughout my entire engagement either (or however I thought a bride should feel).
I think you should ask yourself how YOU think a bride should feel. Thinking about that made me realize I was so concerned about everyone’s feelings/expectations, I was failing to consider my own.
When I started caring more about my experience, that’s when the bridal feelings came through. And, honestly, it wasn’t really until the day of that I felt like FI and I were the ONLY people that mattered. That was my mantra: nothing else matters except FI and myself…
The shower may help, even though a lot of your friends won’t be there… it definitely will start making your mentally realize ‘this is all for you’.
And, if that doesn’t work – I’m a firm believer in: fake it til you make it. The more you embrace the experience (even though it may feel different than expected) the more likely you’ll be able to enjoy the present vs. what you think the present may feel like (if that makes any sense).
Post # 5
Im finding that I love the planning more than I love the “attention” or actual title of being a “Bride” would much rather jump to the WIFE title already. And I really dont how to act or what is expected of me, since Im doing so much on my own as well (like you with DIYing and planning independtly)! Its makes me feel sad that im finding myself to be so independent that I feel like I have no one to share in the joy with (well besides your FI and moms of course!) but you know that girl bonding time.
I hope the “BRIDE” switch clicks on for ALL of us worried Bees soon! And esp. for you OP, your wedding being next month! Do you maybe feel burnt out, or like its just another client’s wedding?!
and ITA with @oracle:
Post # 6
I don’t really relate to you in the way that I am used to planning weddings and being on the sidelines, and then have to switch to your own wedding and be on the other side. But I do relate to you, because I feel weird being in the limelight! It feels weird to have everyone fussing and ooing and ahhing over you.
My shower is next weekend and I have a feeling I’ll just be a total goofball. I’ve always been weird about getting compliments, and since I’ve gotten engaged it’s all the time. The ring, the dress, my hair…whatever. They’re flying all around me.
But I’ve really had to check in with myself and remind me that this (hopefully!) is the only time I’ll EVER have this much attention in my life. I might as well enjoy it, and try to keep happy about it!
Post # 7
Thank you ladies! It is a relief just knowing I’m not the only one 🙂
Post # 8
I could have written this. My career is also planning events and I adore the behind the scenes role and handling the logistics part and all, but I also don’t get what I’m supposed to feel as a bride. I work it out by just thinking of myself as a host of kick ass party.
Post # 9
I agree with Oracle. I have been so concerned with everyone else’s feeling that I have let my own fall to the back. I barely remember my own engagment party because I ws running around trying to make sure everyone had a good time. Two of my bridesmaids have been hitting me over the head with the fact that this is my wedding and what I and the boy wants is what matters. IT has helped alot. Take a deep breathe and realize that you are a bride and anything you feel is what you are supposed to feel. Relish each task no matter how menial and know that you have marked something else off of your bridal list. That makes me smile.
Post # 10
@Ms. Valentin: The BEST advice I got (which really helped me on the wedding day) was from a mom that was with her daughter at the bridal salon when I went in for a fitting (turns out her daughter was the wife of a childhood friend of mine…) BUT – she said: on the wedding day, don’t let anything bother you. Let other people worry about details and just enjoy the day with your love.
I really took that advice to heart – people were asking me what I thought about doing this or that – and my response was: “Whatever you think is best”. The only opinion/idea/focus I had was thinking about my soon to be or new husband and enjoying the day with him. The day really goes by all to quickly and you can’t take any of it back….
I was so glad I go that advice because it gave me the permission (I never really needed) to be selfish about ME and that day.
Edit to add: I know it’s not ‘all about me’ – but on that day – it really is all about you and your husband. Don’t be afraid to think that way and just soak in all the well wishes (I also found that all the drama/opinions/nay-sayers on different ideas were long-gone – everyone just had a wonderful time and was happy because I was happy…. if that makes any sense).
Post # 11
I was MOH for one of my best friends who is most definitely an introvert. She had a lot of anxiety about the day-of. However, she occupied the role of “Bride” effortlessly. She told me afterwards that you kind of just go with the flow of the day, and that it kind of just came naturally because…it had to.
I’m sure you’ll do great!