Post # 1
when people think its still the brides family’s responsibility to pay for the wedding?! This annoys me to no end. I understand everyones fam is different and not everyone can afford the same things. Some people pay for the wedding themselves.
Anyway, my current annoyance…actually since we got engaged is comments about how the brides fam should pay. My fi’s parents did help us out a bit, which I totally appreciate, but my fi has made comments about how much my dad gave us at first. well we got more for christmas so I’m sooo thankful, and was not expecting that at all.
Tonight on the way home from a cake tasting, I made a comment to fi that I Lhate” planning and someday I will pay our kids not to have one. What did fi say?…”Well let’s hope we have all boys so we can save some”. This annoyed me to no end. I feel like he’s grateful for what my dad has given us but that its expected and that’s just what brides fam does.
We were holding hands at the beg of this convo, as soon as he said that, I said, “well I don’t think its going to be the brides responsibility much longer, ha”. Then he let go of my hand, and put it back on the steering wheel, ha!
Anyway, just wanted to vent – I can’t stand that fi and his parents think its only the brides fams responsibility!
Ps I am in no way saying its anyone but the bride and grooms responsibility to pay but I am really sick of ppl thinking its the brides familys duty to take on all or the majority of the expenses..
Oh and let me also says fi’s parents guest list is 200 and my fam’s is 86. His parents have 2 sons so of course they won’t have to pay much at all for weddings. They save a ton and my dad has 5 kids, 3 of which are under 10.
Post # 3
OMG I KNOW! That was the first thing FH said when we started talking about weddings… um no, my family will not be the ones footing the bill!
Post # 4
I think its an outdated concept, but I guess its just “tradition”
We are paying for a majority of our wedding, but only because I would feel weird about my family paying for it. We live together and are basically married, just without the paper.
Post # 5
I agree with you. I think the times are a’changing,
Traditionally, the parents of the bride-to-be have financed their daughter’s weddings. This trend presumably originated from the ancient tradition of paying a large dowry to attract a good husband.
Over the years, this tradition transformed into a more “updated” version, but the concept remained- the bride’s parents paid for the wedding.
Today, only 27 percent of weddings are funded entirely by the parents of the bride.
Most couples contribute a large part of the financing of their wedding as not too many brides go straight from their parents’ home to marriage.
The groom’s family is also often contributing more than just the rehearsal dinner.
Post # 6
Oh, I hear you!! My FI’s father actually made a comment to him when we first started planning, when he heard that FI and I were paying for everything… “you know…it’s really the bride’s family responsibility…they really should be pitching in…”
Luckily, FI and I are on the same page and he just gave him a crazy look and said, nope… 😛
Post # 7
Haha, in Chinese culture, it’s the GROOM who’s supposed to pay for the wedding! Since he’s supposed to be carting his new bride off to his village, thus robbing the parents of someone to take care of them in their oldness.
So the very first time SO and I talked about weddings he was like “you think your parents will pay?” and I said “Hell no! YOUR parents are supposed to pay!” and then it was silent and we never talked about it again. 😛 And then I told my mom and she furrowed her brow and said “Why don’t YOU KIDS pay for it. Jeez, mooches.”
Post # 8
I completely agree with you. It’s like people still think a bride’s family owes them a dowry or something.
FI’s parents have the same attitude. I am incredibly grateful for what parents are very generously spending on our wedding and I did not expect the in-laws to contribute…HOWEVER, I was totally peeved when his mom said it was the “bride’s family’s responsibilty to pay”….UMM…no one asked to help out anyway….so…your opinion on things is null and void (you know what I mean)…
Post # 9
@cherrycoke: MIL tried to pull this shit w/ me when we were planning. I straight out told her, “No! Those are VERY outdated traditions”, I set that straight real quick. To this day I think that’s part of the reason she only gave us $320.
Post # 10
My parents are both deceased. Abiding by this outdated tradition would have resulted in an incredibly minimalist event. We paid for the wedding ourselves.
Post # 11
I get annoyed that the wedding industry seems to assume it. I’ve seen lots of ads that say things to the effect of “the bride loves the dress, her father loves the price.” I also get annoyed looking at invitations. I know you can change the wording, but the default option is the bride’s parents hosting.
Post # 12
I totally agree! My parents are paying a large amount of it and his parents did give some money for the wedding and we’re chipping in as well. But it took me showing him in the wedding guides that the groom’s parents are, in fact, supposed to pay for part of the wedding if you go by traditional standards before he agreed to talk to his parents. I’m not saying they should give us anything, I just mean that I had to pressure him to even talk to them about whether or not they were planning it. I mean, c’mon! We needed to know what our budget was. And it shouldn’t be totally on my family to pay. He has a HUGE family and the guest list is like 50:50.
Post # 13
its a foolish thing expect, in these so called “modern” times. The nerve really. Meanwhile I’m sure some of these same ppl making comments can’t even do it if they in fact were the brides parenets. In these economic times, its the COUPLES responsiblity to plan a weddin THEY can afford. If the parents can kick in great, if not, no big deal.
Post # 14
I hate the “tradition”. Before we were engaged FI would say that I could have whatever wedding I wanted as long as my parents paid for it. Now that we’re actually engaged, he realizes how stupid that comment was. My parents have generously given us a considerable amount of money but FI and I still have to pay for roughly half of our wedding ourselves. My FMIL has made a few comments here and there about how the brides parents are supposed to pay for the wedding. One of these days I’m going to tell her that if she feels thats whats “supposed” to happen then they can pony up the money for our honeymoon, like the grooms family is “supposed to”.
These people need to get with the times!
Post # 15
Agreed! My family is far from able to help pay for one wedding let alone two (my sister and I are getting married 3 weeks apart haha).. but since I’m having a pretty small wedding, which will cost no more than 5,000 and my sister is going WAY over that I told my parents to help her… Thank God I’m blessed with amazing future in-laws who are willing to help us as much as they can!
Post # 16
@UpstateCait: Omg, I wish I would’ve remembered the honeymoon thing because I totally would’ve told her that!