Anyone else WAITING for a divorce to be final…some venting

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
42522 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

onelovelybride:  His lawyer should be able to tell him what the next steps are if she does not respond. People do manage to divorce even when the ex cannot be located, so be patient, it will happen.

Post # 3
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

onelovelybride:  I’m sorry you’re going through this. I would have been absolutely devastated if I find out after the engagement that my SO is already married. I also agree that he should talk to his lawyer as he/she will be able to provide him with the most relevant information. Ultimately, you can’t make someone stay married just because one of the party wants to (at least not forever). But I think, given the situation, it might take a while to settle the divorce if she doesn’t go with it willingly. 

By the way, I would not believe the “getting-married-to-avoid-deportation” story. I mean, they got pregnant first and they not only lived together two years after, but also were a couple (family if you will). It’s okay to have made a mistake, but he should just own up to it. 🙂

Post # 4
Member
6032 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Not disclosing his marital status before getting engaged again would be a massive red flag to me. It’s one thing to get into the ridiculous green-card-marriage situation in the first place (and it is ridiculous on so many levels; if you’re no longer in love then why you’d want to tie yourself legally to that person is beyond me) but it’s another to try to ignore and avoid the eventual problems it will cause. Not wanting to deal with difficult situations is a really bad habit. What happens 5 years down the road when there’s a huge unexpected tax bill staring at him, or 15-20 years from now when the future teenage kid is experimenting with drugs? No matter what happens with his ex, OP, I hope you’ll sit him down and ask him how he has learned from the experience before marrying this man.

Post # 5
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

You’ll be stuck with this woman and their children forever if you marry your FI so a divorce is just the start of your issues.

Post # 6
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’m just wondering did you not meet the girls till after he told you about the marriage? Also I believe citizenship can be granted if the children were born in the US. I realize this still doesn’t help your situation but I would be cautious. 

Post # 7
Member
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

so you didn’t know he was still married, did you know he had kids? i feel like its a hugeeeee red flag if he hid all of that from you, if you did know he had kids did he lie to you about their mom then? How long were you together before he popped the question? 

Post # 9
Member
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

You want to marry a guy like this?  I’d rethink. 

Post # 11
Member
6032 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

In re-reading your post, something isn’t right. you say you and he met 7 years after he broke up with his ex. If you are all in the USA, then there is no reason whatsoever that the ex could not have at a minimum renewed her green card, and possibly even obtained citizenship, in 7 years, even if they had divorced after just 2-3 years. The US immigration system does not require you to remain married to your citizen spouse/sponsor forever. The only real requirement us that you maintain a job or other means of supporting yourself (like a SAHM who gets a living allowance or alimony+child support) and pay taxes. Once you have your “conditions” removed from your visa (conditions basically say no public assistance and keep a job) you’re free to apply for citizenship. Why this was not done in the last 5+ years is beyond me! and makes the whole situation seem really shady.

if you are not in the US then of course that does not apply, but you may want to look into your country’s immigration law to see if the scenario passes the smell test. 

Also most countries bestow citizenship on the children born to citizens overseas. Depending on where the ex is from, it’s highly likely that if she had been deported, her kids would have gone with her, which takes the “didn’t want her to get deported because her kids need her” argument off the table.

at the best, your fiancé is living in a fantasy world where there are no consequences to his actions. At the worst, he is playing the two of you against each other and will continue to do so (wants to have his cake and eat it, too). I guess it’s on you now to sort out what the truth is.

Post # 12
Member
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

He “procrastinated” for almost 7 years? Wow. Something doesn’t seem right about that. How do you forget to get a divorce from someone you supposedly have no feelings for?

Anyway, his lawyer should know what the next steps would be if the ex won’t sign the papers. Personally, I wouldn’t have agreed to marry him without him getting a divorce first. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  spiffanee.
Post # 14
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Sounds bizarre and honestly I would doubt a lot of his story. Either he’s minimizing things or has horribly poor judgment. For example, he never loved her but married her. Either that’s not true and he’s saying that no or that’s poor judgment. Same with the “I never had a reason” line. Either minimzing or poor judgment.

I would definitely put the wedding on hold until this mess is sorted out and that’s at best. I pretty much would take a break from the relationship if not end it all together right now.

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