I’m getting older. My brother and sister-in-law are in their early 30s and have been trying for over a year – so they’re clinically infertile. My SIL has not told me this – my brother did. They think that her fallopian tubes may be too small, and it’s causing her eggs to get damaged, but that’s only theory. They can’t find anything else wrong with her. They were going to test my brother. I haven’t heard yet if they ever did – I don’t ask them any questions like that. If he brings it up, of course I offer my support.
But it’s a wake-up call when a couple in their very early 30s is having trouble conceiving.
But there are 3 other more important reasons why we’re waiting:
1. I need to lose 40 pounds. I’m not wildly fat (I can fit into a size 12 here and there), but heavy enough. I am otherwise in good health – vegetarian diet (which isn’t code for “I eat chocolates all day instead of meat!”), lots of physical activity, etc. I really just don’t feel like getting crap from a doctor. Admittedly, my experiences are shaded by heavier relatives who were given grief throughout their pregnancies, even when their weight gain wasn’t significant.
2. We still live in a one-bedroom apartment. We’ve been house-hunting for 5 months. His standards are a little too high, in my opinion. If it meets our basic criteria (2 toilets, 3 bedrooms, has a driveway, a basement, etc.) and it looks up-to-date, I’m happy. It has to “grab” him. *eye roll* What that means is…our search just winds up getting prolonged, then eventually he admits that we should’ve bid on the house.
I don’t want to risk conceiving and BELIEVE that we will have a house by the time I deliver. Or, at best, it would rush us into a 2-bedroom apartment, only to continue house-hunting and probably move again shortly after getting another apartment.
3. Oh. We aren’t married. While we’re not religious and it wouldn’t be a big deal to me to conceive just before the wedding, my in-laws are and they’re very conservative. I’ve rarely felt more uncomfortable than when I’m in the presence of GIL, MIL and SIL because they’re all very pushy and judgmental.
I honestly think my patience would be too tested to sit quietly if they said something insulting about the conception. MIL has already said some insulting things about us living together.
I’m not an utter prude and I love a good, dirty joke. I’m not so sure if my in-laws are the audience for that (well, I am sure). If we were closer, maybe I’d just shrug, laugh awkwardly and ignore some of their commentary. But we aren’t. We’re very different people who have to socialize periodically.
I always get the impression that they hate that I’ve come along to a function – you know, tolerate me at best. The times I find an excuse not to go (which is quite rare), they’re lavishing me with, “So glad you could come!” or “Glad you could make it this time! Was so nice seeing you!” like I never visit.
Other than that, we’re both onboard. It helps that the ol’ fiance is turning 30 himself next year. Almost all of his co-workers are married and have children. I remember the times he would come home from work, talking about a particular co-worker’s life…and I could see the envy there.
He doesn’t want to wait. We’ll probably start around May next year. By then, I should be at the very top of a healthy BMI (unless of course we don’t have a house).