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I swear so many people look at me like I am nuts when I say that I hope to be able to stay at home with my kids. Is this an outdated concept? I personally feel like most people would want to stay home if they could afford it, but maybe I am wrong. I just know I would rather have less stuff and a smaller home and stay at home. thoughts?
I'm a housewife right now and I plan to be a sahm when the time comes. I get the same looks from people and I'm sure they'll never go away, I know it's not for everybody. I just had a conversation with my mother and she said if she could do it all over again she would have stayed home with us even if she had to live in a tiny house (just like you said). She was a workaholic and from the ages of 10-17 I saw her maybe every 2 weeks and I want to be there with my children.
I'm not TTC anytime soon, but my FI and I have talked about it a lot. If we can afford it I would love to be a stay at home mom. If it comes down to it he wouldn't mind being a stay at home dad either.
I agree completely with you ladies.
My SO just landed a new job last week that will make this possible for me! I am beyond proud of him :)
I plan to have a full time photography business (hopefully, this is the first year we are doing this part-time and we are busy!)
I truly love the idea. Raising my own children. Plus, daycare is dang expensive. My stress level will plummet because I don't have so much housework to do after work ;) We are simple people, we don't need any crazy luxuries, just some land on the river, a garden, and maybe a boat and Tempur-Pedic mattress... lol.
I work from home now, so it's not out of the realm of possibility. Ideally, I'd like to stay home with our kids at least until they're in kindergarten (unless it's a half-day kindergarten like both DH and I went to) or first grade. But we'll see how things pan out once we actually have a baby.
I would love to be a stay at home mom...I have a 2 1/2 year old little girl who my mom watches while I work...full time. We are going to start trying for another baby next year and I am hoping at that point to at least be able to go down to full time.
I'm a sahm with an almost 2 year old.
The decision was made partly because I really didn't want to go back to work after my maternity leave ended and because if I went back to work most of my paycheck would go into daycare. I've enjoyed every minute of it, but my DD is going to daycare in August and I'm going back to work. We (DD and I) both just need to spend time with people our own ages.
I found a comment I made on another thread once I think is relevant to my feelings on the experience of getting flack for being a SAHM:
"Mothers really can't win, can they? If they go to work, some idiots will always say they aren't raising their own kids, and shouldn't have had them if they weren't going to raise them. And of course if they have behavioral problems it's because mom wasn't around all the time. And if a mother chooses to stay home, she's not contributing and must be lazy. Despite the fact that her "job" is actually 24/7 save for a few naps. And every single other household responsibility ends up falling onto her shoulders because every time she asks for help she is reminded "This is what you signed up for." There is no pay, or vacation, or sick days, or benefits. And more often than not there is a ton of financial sacrifice involved. And you somehow ending up become the resident doctor, therapist, chauffeur, chef and teacher. And you can kiss your alone time goodbye.Yup, just a stay at home mom!"
Personally I have zero regrets about raising my daughter my way, no daycare or babysitters. I've learned so much about her, how she thinks, how she feels about certain things, all her likes and dislikes, and I never missed a single first word, step, tooth, you name it I was there video taping. It's not for everyone, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
We are nowhere close to the point of having kids (I'm 23; SO is 25), but when we get to that point, I would really like to stay home if we are financially stable enough for me to do so.
My mom stayed home with my two sisters and me, and it was so nice always knowing that she was there for us. If we got sick at school, Mom could pick us up right away and nurse us back to health. We had home-cooked meals as a family every night. My memories of growing up were so much more positive having her at home, even if we didn't have a ton of money.
I think it's a personal decision and no one should judge anyone else for deciding to either stay home or work. I have heard so many working moms criticize SAHM's and so many SAHM's criticize working moms. I think every woman has to do what's right for her and refrain from judging others.
I work from home and am not the primary income so putting in tons of hours isn't a necessity. I've been able to find a happy medium =)
I would love to,but with the finances as it is now,it wont be possible.Unless he decides to get a job somewhere else.My FI is a mechanic,but he hates it and is tired of working on cars.So Im encouraging him to get a job somewhere else.A better paying job.Hes just not sure whats out there and if he could do the job without a college degree.What kind of good paying jobs are out there, where u dont need a college degree???
If anybody knows of one in the Milwaukee,WI area,message me.
I would LOVE to be a stay at home mom, and FI would love to be a stay at home dad. If finances allowed it and all things being equal, I believe I'd have to fight him for it, lol.
That would be my dream job :) I'm planning to be if we can afford it once we have a baby!
I don't think it's an outdated concept. I just gave my notice today. Basically after paying for daycare I would make minimum wage!
Sure we'll miss the extra money but I still would be bringing in way less if I continued working so we decided I'd stay home.
Absolutely! DH and I have talked about this many times and we are most definitely of the mindset that we want one of us (me) to stay at home once we start having kids. DH is a civil engineer and we are fortunate enough to have a very good income off his salary alone, so it is definitely a possibility for us. We love to travel and know we'll probably have to make a few adjustments to our lifestyle but to us, it's worth it to have one parent home with our children.
I want to be a SAHM so bad! I'm due in December and my DH and I are trying everything we can to make that a possibility. He's looking for a new job now that would really make it a reality. However, just the other night we went over our finances and we think we could do it even if he stays where he is now. It would mean me getting a PT job at night and A LOT of sacrifices, but we both feel it's the right decision for our family.
If we can afford me and my FI that I will be a SAHM at least until the kids are 2-3 yo and can start part time day care. It is not outdated, it is a personal choice and in some cases a necessity. Don't pay any mind to those people giving you dirty looks! Do what is best for you and your family. P.S. All of the women I know, family friends acquaintances and coworkers are working mothers and 100% of them wish they could have stayed at home with their children longer.
I would LOVE to.
But it's not in the financial cards for us....but I'm a teacher so at least I'll have lots of holidays with the kids.
I don't know.
I like the idea of it, but in reality I think I would hate it. I don't love kids and if we have them I know it will be different, but to be without adult human conversation, mental stimulation I would go nuts.
Maybe part-time something?
Also, its not right, but I do value myself in part based on my career and what I do on a daily basis.
Once my FI gets his new job, probably around October or so, I will be a Stay at home.. fiancee lol. then wife, then mom. We have talked about all the pros and cons, and feel its right for us. =)
I do feel like some people look at me weird when I say so though, but it's my life, not theirs so oh well.
I fully admit that would be my dream... unfortunately, our careers and the part of the country that we live in makes this impossible... but I guess you can always dream!
Another thing I was thinking about
My mom's #1 rule is "Always be able to support yourself".
so it scares me to be out of the workforce for too long. Stuff happens, peopel cheat, people die, people get fired, people get addictions... and I want to be able to support me and any future children.
My aunt is a SAHM mom for years. about 25 years and I have learned that had she not been she would have left her husband, but she wouldnt have been able to survive because any skills she had were so outdated. It seems to have worked out, but I never want to be in that position.
I would love to either stay home myself, or have Mr.ND home with our babies (whenever we decide to have them). I get all sorts of looks when I say that I'd love to finish law school, work a few years to pay off my loans, and then see where we land and who might stay home if we can afford it, until they're 3 or even better (for us), until they get into school.
@blingqueen: I'm like you. I don't think its outdated. It's not for everyone, but it's definitely something I hope we can do at least part time. For us, the love and extra time with our kids is worth more than the things we can buy with the extra $$ from working (and even then, you have to factor in the daycare costs, gas to/from work, lunches out, etc). I hope that in 3 or 4 years, we can make it work.
Most definitely.I get the same responses. "What?!?!?! Why?!?!!? You're going to be sooooo bored!"
Really????? How many people do you know with children are BORED?!!?!? They shouldn't be bored. If they are, they're not interacting as much as they should be with their children.
I am a SAHM and the only thing I would change is more adult contact. But with play dates with friends kids and the much needed girls night out/Date night It isnt too bad!
At this point in time, we plan on my being a sahm. Hubs is about to get a doctorate degree and will be able to support our family comfortably, kids and all. I might work on the side for my own personal sanity, but more than anything I want to be there for my kids and not miss a single thing.
Yep, I'd be thrilled to stay at home while they're young but unless I found a hobby that makes money or volunteering that fulfills me in some way, I don't think once they go off to school I'll remain at home. It depends though. I'm really worreid about the transition of moving back into the workforce if I take 10 years off. That's why I plan to return to grad school and hopefully get myself back into after.
I never thought I'd want to be a SAHM, but, the closer I get to having a family, the more I want to do it. Unfortunately, I've accrued a lot of student loan debt while going to school with the goal of an immediate career. Can't regret the student loan debt though because the college I attended is where I met FI! I'm hoping to work for a few years and get rid of that debt ASAP so that I can feel good about staying home with the kiddos. FI is totally supportive of whatever I want to do, but I want to be able to pay back my own loans (or at least the majority of them).
I think that having an FI who doesn't push me either way really makes me feel comfortable about the decision to stay at home. I know my options and I'm free to choose my own path! It's a good feeling. :)
Thats been our plan all along. We won't TTC until we're in a position where we are either both working for ourselves (we own a software company that we're trying to grow) or I'm able to stay home full time. With the cost of daycare, I could never justify working to simply pay for that. I'd rather sacrafice a few extra bucks a week and stay home with my kid.
With that said, I'd also never let my lifestyle suffer just to be a SAHM. I wouldn't be happy having to scrape by and constantly worry about money (like so many people I know), but I think that's more about reponsibily conceiving a child than anything else.
@MissAnchor: Sounds like me and Mr.ND. My loan debt is about 3 or 4 times his, but still definitely manageable. I hope to work for 2 or 3 years and use 80%-100% of my income to pay off my loans and to add to our savings. This way, we're used to living off only his income by the time we get to the point of having children.
I dream of becoming a mom one day, and pray that I could be a sahm. My DH and I are not planning on TTC for another 2 years, hoping that by that time we would be able to live with just my DH's salary.
My mom stayed home with my sister & I, when my dad was barely making any $. They provided my sister and I with all the essentials and have nothing but happy memories of a wonderful childhood.I DH & I are willing to sacrifice our current lifestyle to have me stay at home with our children (at least until they are in school).
@lefeymw: I completely agree about it being really important to support yourself. You just never know what is going to happen in life and I personally wouldn't be able to cope knowing that my entire well-being was dependent upon somone else. I guess a lot depends on the field you're in, I'm absolutely set on being a sahm but I also have two masters degrees in fields that aren't going to become obsolete or change overnight (education and social work). For someone in a more 'current' field, like IT, I can see that being a huge factor. Interesting point to bring up....
I'd like to until my baby goes to school. I'd like to teach him/her myself. After he/she starts school, I'll go back to work. My SO got laid off and although we have a very healthy savings, I don't want to resort to using it when I could have been at work and it could end up being used for retirement. I know that's what savings are for, but I just can't do it.
@lefeymw: I agree and disagree.
Disagree: I don't think it's healthy to go into any situation (having kids, getting married, etc.) thinking "But if I decide to stay home with my children, what if my husband cheats or dies? Then what will I do?" If you think it's a priority to be home and you can do it, be home! If it's not for you, don't do it. But don't not stay home because you're afraid you'll become a housewife with no life skills. That's just a bad excuse to avoid something that could be great for you and your kids.
I do however think a woman should have a set of long term goals before resigning herself to a life as a homemaker. Personally my goal has always been this: when my daughter goes into first grade, I will take that time to go back to school for a tech program I've always wanted to pursue. DH is 100% supportive of this. I don't plan to stop having goals. But right now my priority is my child. If I can raise a happy, productive and fantastic future member of society, then I would consider that time well spent.
Sorry you're getting the side-eye from so many people! While I personally have no desire to stay at home with my future kids, plenty of people certainly do and I don't think that's weird. My husband has mentioned several times that he doesn't think he'll be able to bear leaving our future kids for work, so he might be a future SAHD.
Everyone is different. I am logic-driven and impatient. So I am the worst possible personality to put in a room 24/7 with a tiny, illogical tantrum-thrower who loves doing 4 piece puzzles of Dora over and over. My husband is my polar opposite - loves games, very light-hearted, patient as the day is long, get happiness from playful or outdoorsy activities. He's got a great personality for full-time parenting. I don't. It seems like you do, and that's great. I think SAH parents are awesome.
I honestly don't think I could do it so I have great respect for those of you who are doing it or plan on doing it.
My FI would like to be a stay at home dad, at least part-time. He's supporting me through grad school right now in hopes that I can get a job that will support us financially so he can stay home and/or work when he wants (which would work fine with the type of job he has). Keep your fingers crossed I find something good when I graduate.
I work at home (barely part-time) and go to language classes everyday. My typical day starts from leaving the door at 7am and returning just before 2pm, then there's working from home. My schedule isn't that of the typical housewife but people around here seem to consider that of me (which I do not think is wrong in anyway, but they seem to). When we have kids, I'd like to be a SAHM (and ideally, work from home) but I can only imagine the crap I'd get then.
It's ridiculous, really. I live in a country where there's supposed to be gender equality and feminism rules, yet all these modern day feminists doesn't seem to comprehend that women have a CHOICE. Whether they stay at home or work, it's their stinkin choice and no one's supposed to judge either way.
I want to be a SAHM but I also want to hire an au pair. That way, I can get help, my kids can get exposure to other cultures, and it is cheaper than daycare!
I think I would like to be a SAHM until my kids were in school, the problem is I have a good career going now and I am not sure I would be able to get back into it after all those years of not working. My work also has subsidized daycare onsite so it would be only 1/4th of my income. If my boss allows it I think I will switch to working part time for the first year and see how that goes.
My ideal situation would be to be SAHM for the first few months. After that I would prefer to have an at home business or PT JOB. That way I can bring in income and meet my needs for adult interaction. I just have no desire to be in baby world 24/7. We going TTC later this year, as much as I love babies/kids I know my limits and my temperment.
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