Post # 1
I feel a bit odd posting this, especially when I see the threads of brides doing it for 1K or so, but I’m curious if there are other bees on here spending that much? I’m getting married 10/13 and have booked the venue (with a 50K minimum), church (5K) and planner (10K) so far and that’s the very beginning. My parents want to have a big affair and I’m all for it but feeling weird spending all this money… well they’re spending the money. FI and I will pay for rings and the honeymoon but they’re paying for the rest. Meanwhile I’ve been fretting about how much I have in savings right now (enough, but I need to be better about saving) and retirement and the fact that FI has some family debt he needs to pay off.
No, there’s no option of using the money for anything else so don’t go there. I just have mixed feelings about having this truly fairytale wedding when there are other things to do with money. But its my parents’ choice and they’re well off…
So anyways, mixed feelings aside, where are all of the other big budget brides? How are you feeling about spending that much money?
Post # 3
our budget was above that. My parents had the money saved over the years specifically for just the wedding. Hubs’ parents gave us the same amount as they spent on his 2 sisters’ wedding. Its A LOT of money, and it’s scary as hell spending that. But we got the wedding we wanted, and the wedding our parents wanted for us and for them. in the end I say – if it’s not a financial hardship, and it’s something you and your family genuinely want – then don’t feel guilty and enjoy it! And most importantly – don’t let other’s make you feel guilty for it. (I had 2 friends post “comments” on FB after our wedding noting about the ridiculousness of spending that on a wedding when you could invest in a house and the such…really pissed me off…..ummm i’m sorry – you don’t know our financial situation so who are you to comment?).
Post # 4
I’m sort of in the same boat. Our budget isn’t quite that high, but it’s still way higher than most. My parents said they would pay for it and put a certain amount in an account and we can have whatever we don’t use on the wedding… but then insisted on inviting 150 people at $200 a head, having a 6-piece band, an open bar, wine pour, etc so we will be spending all the money and then some. My FI are really different than my parents, we pretty much live off the amount of wedding will cost for a year! We are paying for some things ourselves- the rehearsal dinner, our rings, our honeymoon, his attire, and wedding party gifts and we are saving for 14 months to afford it all! I feel like I can’t really complain though because they are paying for it all! It definitely makes me uncomfortable for them to be spending so much; I am actually kind of embarrassed and don’t tell people how much things are costing. My parents will definitely enjoy it and they can certainly afford it, so I’m just trying to be gracious and cut costs where I can!
Post # 5
I always say – people might give you money to spend for a certain thing, but that doesn’t mean you can get it and spend for something else. Obviously, your parents want you to spend this money for a wedding. They won’t be giving it to you for a down payment on a house instead. And, if that’s what they want to do for you, then graciously accept the gift and make sure you do something special for them to show them how much you appreciate it. And, enjoy the time! You’re one of the lucky few, so good for you! 🙂
Post # 6
use it to do something amazing. …
i have to ask 50k for a venue? wth does that venue come with!?
Post # 7
@alishaloo: It’s 10K for the space with a 40K food/beverage minimum that we can use how we want (including the menu, cake, day after brunch, etc.)… which will go quickly since their menu starts at $225 per plate. It includes things like the tables, chairs, linens, place settings, etc. It’s the most beautiful, historic place in my locale so I’m really excited about it, but yes expensive. We gave my parents a couple of options including a place I liked that was a 7K rental fee (including tables and chivari chairs and dance floor) but you brought in all of the other vendors including catering and liquor (but you could do your own liqour as long as you hired bartenders). That would’ve been MUCH cheaper, but they wanted to do the expensive place since they don’t get to throw events, ever, and have the money to do it.
Post # 8
I would just try not to spend money for the sake of spending money. If you’re having a champagne toast and genuinely like Moet, there’s no need to spring for Perrier Jouet or Iron Horse; if you’re happy with 2 photographers, don’t throw a third on the list just because you (or rather, your parents) can afford it; if you’re happy with one $1500 dress, don’t get a second one for $4k.
Having money left over isn’t a problem, even if it doesn’t end up in your pocket. Don’t get so extravagant that you feel uncomfortable or silly. Don’t invite random acquaintances just to fill up the guest list, and not hire a horse drawn carriage unless you’d already wanted one.
Post # 9
My parents are also graciously paying for the wedding and the cost will be over $80k if you include my dress. My parents are not including certain costs in the wedding budget (ex: dress) because we’re working with a planner and she receives a %age of the final cost.
I think it’s a ridiculous amount of money but, like you, I wouldn’t be able to spend the money on anything else so might as well enjoy it. Plus, things add up quickly in a big city and I could easily spend way over $150k. Even with my budget I find myself making sacrifices and cuts in pretty much all spending categories.
Post # 10
@fishbone: I like the way you put this. I agree.
DH and I had a low-budget wedding, but still had the wedding we wanted. We didn’t spend everything that had been set aside, because we didn’t spend on things that didn’t make sense for us. I know you feel weird spending lots of money, and I am against people impoverishing themselves in order to have an extravagent wedding, but when the money is there to spend, just enjoy it – and remember that the money you’re spending is paying vendors and the places where they buy their materials. It’s not going down a hole, it’s employing people. You’ll feel better about the money if you pay attention to the companies it’s going to.
Post # 11
We have a fairly large budget but also a huge guest list… It’s overwhelming trying to add it all up. FI comes from a traditional community so there are certain expectations. Though neither of us needs a big wedding we’re still going to make the most of it – this is a chance to host people ware have supported us through the years. FMIL said a wedding is an ok time to be extravagant – its a party!
@Professorgirl: I like the idea of employing people, we are using all small local businesses and people in the community
Post # 12
I too have a ” high budget” wedding. Itdidn’t start like thatbait things add up! We will end around 110k. But we tried to keep costs down. Our top 4 venues were all over 50k. So we went with a resturant for 30k. And my dress was only 2k
Post # 13
@classyashley: ok good! Glad that all of it is included- except 225$ a plate! That is my whole car payment.!!!
Post # 14
we are having a wedding with a budget larger than that. our parents had money set aside for this, and weddings are a big deal, as both FI and I have huge families (and a large-ish guest count). you shouldn’t feel bad at all. just don’t do something for the sake of doing it, as a PP mentioned. we are spending $$ on the things we really like/care about, and are cutting back in areas that we don’t care as much about, because it’s just not worth it.
in short, enjoy it! 🙂
Post # 15
I’m in the same situation are you are. My FI’s parents are gifting me and my fiance our entire wedding because we are a young couple and we could not afford anything less than a courthouse elopement. My fiance and I didn’t mind eloping, but no one else was on board with that idea.
The wedding is a gift and his parents are having us use a credit card to charge all of the wedding expenses (that they pay off every month). So, I’m in the same boat as you are and there is no way of spending the money for something else. For now, I don’t talk about the wedding to my friends so they have no idea how much everything cost. I really prefer it that way and I hope family and friends won’t judge us harshly for wasting money on such an extravagant wedding.
The wedding venue was booked by fiance’s parents and cost 30k (if you include taxes). The wedding dress was something I couldn’t say no to after I saw it in person and costs 7k with alterations and belt. I was given an additional 30k to spend on all wedding expenses (minus our wedding day clothing and accessories). Even though I am not booking the most expensive vendors in Boston, it all adds up really quickly. I feel pretty guilty about spending so much of someone else’s money, but at the same time I really appreciate it and love what was gifted to me. I honestly feel really special.
I’ve been really lucky and I have not had to compromise on anything I’ve wanted so far. It helps that I wanted an intimate wedding and so the 50 person guest list has really kept costs down. I still have 16k “left to spend”. I only need to find a DJ, buy wedding favors, order macarons and buy 3 flowergirl dresses. I’m hoping I will have spent well under the budget that was set for me.
Post # 16
I know that it feels weird but I think that you should have fun with it! When else will you have a chance to plan something this extravagant (in the best way possible)?
I’m just curious, how large is your guest list? Will it be a huge wedding guest-wise?
May I suggest getting an ice cream truck to visit the venue after cake? That would be my dream.