Post # 1
My husband wants kids… he’s just scared of babies. Ofcourse its a package deal but the entire baby stage just freaks him out.As does thinking about any possibility of actually getting me pregnant.
He had mentioned starting to try this month actually he said “next week”. Now its my first month off the pill so i could be totally wrong… but i got some white discharge that i think may have been an ovulation sign. I told him that i thought i was ovulating and he got SO freaked out. He joked that he’s not having sex with me for a while in that case. He told me to never tell him that kind of thing, even when we are well into trying. He also told me to never say anything suggestive of him getting me pregnant or making a baby at all to him or it won’t work. It even made him think about putting the entire thing off for another year! Even though 6 months ago he was dead set on starting to try no later then December. Now that the times here he’s totally freaking out. I’m the anxious one and admittedly i wasn’t really ready until now anyway and i’m not even sure i’m ready. But he’s always so sure! This is so backwards!
I just want to stop preventing and go with the flow but its kind of all up to him. We’re used to pulling out so he has to purposely try to not and he just thinks about me getting pregnant that i don’t think he’s gonna be able to do it. The only thing i can think is to get him to stop pulling out whille i’m in my TWW so he gets used to it before its really possible to get me pregnant.
Post # 3
@Kate0558: This is a big scary step in life, and I honestly think the TTC part is scarier than finding out you’re pregnant, especially when we tell our men everything that’s going on, temping, charting, making him wear boxers, and staying away from certain foods. Obviously you’re not doing all of that, but I can see how it would scare him to tell him when you think you’re ovulating.
Sometimes making a baby isn’t a turn on for men, even if they want kids. Honestly, if DH were to say “Let’s make a baby” I’d be so completely turned off (and I know if I told him I was ovulating he’d have probably been a little grossed out by that terminology). When we made the decision to “try” he knew I was charting, but when we actually DTD, we didn’t refer to it as baby making or talking about what we were doing.
If your DH pulls out at this point, you will obviously need to get him to stop (duh). I feel so awkward talking about sex stuff as I don’t normally on the Bee, but you could use this to your advantage and say something like stay inside me or whatever *as I type I am getting horribly embarrassed lol*
Going forward though I would just not tell him any of that stuff right now and just take it as it comes. If you guys have been DTD for a while (with him obviously not pulling out) with no success then a conversation may be in order about if you guys are on the same page with having kids.
Post # 4
Yes, we had exactly this problem (now its mostly better!). I am on my phone atm so cant do any clever hyperlinking but if you search my profile for the thread you’ll find some empathy 🙂
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2013 - backyard in the woods
My DH also dislikes babies. Dislike may not actaually be a strong enough word lol. We’ve been TTC for 7 months now. He agreed to have children, because he knew how important to me it was, but I wasn’t sure he was 100% sure himself. DH is very reserved and doesn’t like to talk about ‘feelings and stuff’ so I didn’t talk about it too much when we first began trying because I knew it made him nervous.
As time went by and we didn’t have any success, I began discussing my disappointment with him, especially since I wasn’t sure he was 100%, I thought he might just be agreeing to make me happy. The more we talked the more I realized how on board he was with having children. I can honestly say that he’s gotten much more comfortable with the idea of physiacally having a baby too. He says that he always envisioned us with a family, but that the idea of babies terrifies him. He’s great with children, but avoids babies like the plague. TMI, but we hadn’t been having much sex when I wasn’t ovulating and when I asked him about it he said that he hadn’t been initiiating because he ‘wanted to make sure we would definately be able to do it at the right time’ and didn’t want waste any chances since our drives don’t always match up.
My advice would be to keep it chill for awhile and give him some time to get used to ‘trying’. Try, but do it by initinating at the right time without saying why. The idea of actually trying, on purpose, and not preventing can be quite terryfying at first. I know it was for me, so I can only imagine what it muct be like for our DH’s.