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While I realize this is not common, I was thinking about a previous relationship ship that I was in before I met FI. I was 20 years old. After about a year of dating, he got very serious, and at one point informally asked me to marry him. I said that I felt I was still too young to think about that option. He was really hurt - I can appreciate the guts it took to ask me, but we were never on the same page for most of the relationship anyways.
Anyone else ever been in a relationship where you weren't on the same page at all? Perhaps even proposed to?
Good question! No; I was only in one other long term relationship in my life besides my current one. I would have said NO! Though at first, maybe i would have at least thought about it.
My fi was talking about marriage right from the beginning. I was 21 and even though we were living together and I was very happy, I wasn't sure if he was "the one". I held off giving him a proper answer for 2 years and then one day - lightning bolt - and I told him I was ready to get engaged. We were so excited and told everyone over the next few weeks and then...I wasn't excited anymore. I felt sick and afraid and didn't know why. It was a horrible time. I moved into my parents house for a couple of weeks while I did exams and tried to get my head straight. In the end we decided to stop with the wedding talk and see if what we had was worth saving. It was, but fi was heartbroken and very much over the whole marriage thing. However 4 years later I was definitely ready to take that step. It took another year after I told him I wanted to marry him for him to decide he wanted to marry me too, and propose. We're now 3 weeks away and very happy although I know if I said let's forget the wedding & just live in sin forever, he'd be ok with that :) I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself for what I put him through back then though.
Interesting post! Personally, Not I, and the more I think about it, I don't know anyone who said "no." I know plenty of people who ended their engagment, but that was obviously after a "yes."
I have been proposed to several times before (hazard of holding out until your 30's).
One broke up with me after I accepted (that was hard initially, but best thing that ever happened to me before finding Mr. DG)
Two, I turned down. One of them wouldn't take the ring back, though I begged him to. The other had just given me a stand-in ring.
Mr. DG mock proposed to me in Home Depot once and I turned him down thinking he was joking. Turns out, if I had said yes in Home Depot, we probably would have been engaged 6 months earlier! At that time, I still thought proposals included rings, but by the second try I realized that ours was going to be ringless and I happily accepted.
My last long term relationship was 3 years - he didn't propose but when we broke up he got mad and said well now I have 3,000 dollars to waste!
I didn't even know he was saving and I was 20 and definitely NOT in the same place as him!
No... I said yes. My mental calculations were that I either could either say yes and decide later, or say no and end the relationship (we were six months in, and I really liked him but was still getting to know him). In hindsight I think the proper answer was "Let's think about this for a little while; it's too soon to commit like this." But I was young and afraid I'd lose him that way, so I thought about it with a ring on. Like @Valhalla, my ex and I were just never really on the same page.
No, I have never been asked before. I did get a promise ring from an ex when I was younger. He is the father of my child, so everyone assumed that marriage was the next logical step. Luckily, we were young and neither of us seriously considered that option.
Similar situation as FMM. When that relationship ended he said you know I was two weeks away from getting you a ring. So glad it never got to that point. He was very controlling and I was 20-21. Looking back I think I always knew he was not the right one for me and I would have been settling had he asked and I said yes.
I haven't been asked directly, but when I broke up with my worst ex he told me that he had already bought me a ring and that he was planning to propose on the vacation we had planned for a month later. Dodged that bullet!
I also went ring shopping with another guy but he never purchased anything as we were still discussing getting married.
Yes...my daughter's father asked me to marry him but I declined. We were both in college and I had dreams that didn't involve marriage...turned out to be the best decision I have ever made b/c had I married him I would be in misery with a capital "RY"
My highschool sweetheart informally proposed, had a ring picked out, and a date set to pop the question. I called him one night and said I wasn't ready to get engaged, and that conversation led to us breaking up that night. 5 months later, he married someone else. 2 years after that, they got divorced, and he called me (the day he filed for divorce!) and asked if we could give it another go! I obviously said no, as I would never have dated him again, and I was with current FH. Anyway, about 7 months after that, he got his much younger girlfriend pregnant, and then they got married.
My second long term relationship (current FH is #3 LTR) never proposed, but when I broke up with him I found out he had a ring for me.
Holding out for my "prince charming" was the best thing I've ever done for myself! :-D
My mom did....she kept one photo of him and her in a box full of her old memories and one day she sat down and told me about the life she had before she became a mom. It was kind of cool. My mom used to model and it was fun seeing all her goofy photos of that. Oh also she hair modeled, and that was the one photo she had of her and that guy so she had this crazy hair. She said he was completely in love with her, but when he proposed, she just had to say no and they broke up because he didn't want her if he couldn't marry her right then. It was kind of cool because i got to see my mom in a different light than just "mom" =]. My mom was a heartbreaker, LOL.
Me, not so much. I dated a guy who was SUPER serious with me. At 8 month, he was like, "i want to marry you someday and move back to X city and you can be a doctor and i'll stay home with our kids and we'll have this little country bumpkin lifestyle and live near my folks and they'll babysit whenever...." and i had a heart attack. I was going to marry a deadbeat who was content to never go to college and let me go through 10+ years of it, then move me back home to a town of 300 people and 400 cows! Alas, we broke up =]. Turns out I need a city boy
ohh most definitely! when my FI and I were having a problem with our relationship and we were broken up for a month or so I was dating one of my friends from high school. we hadnt been together but a week and he was telling me how much he loved me and wanted to marry me, etc. i was like whoa nelly! needless to say things NEVER worked out with him.
I had never been asked before my husband asked. I'm a little envious that so many have been asked more than once! ;)
But this subject reminded me...several years ago, on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, a gentleman wanted them to help him propose to his girlfriend. He did, and OMG, I have never been so sure someone was going to reject a proposal. She DID accept, but it seemed like it was because she couldn't find a tactful way of saying "No" on a television show. I always wonder what happened with THAT relationship. lol.
I've been proposed to twice before my FI popped the question. The first time I had lived with my boyfriend from age 18-21 and we grew apart ~ not hard to do at that age! I broke it off and moved out, and he was devastated. I came back a few days later to collect a few things, and he had the house cleaned, a haircut and asked me to sit on the couch with him. He looked at me and told me he wanted to grow old together, and pulled a ring box out of the coffee table drawer. He got down on one knee and I don't think I have ever felt worse in my entire life then when I had to tell him no. I said things like "this isn't the right time" and "we need to think about this" but there was no hope. It was really sad. He had bought the ring in an estate sale and couldn't return it. A few years later we became on speaking terms, and I check in on him now and again.
The second time, I was with a man who ended up finding out one day he was the father of a 6 month old boy. We had been together about 10 months at that point, and all of a sudden I had to take on a stepmother role. He proposed mostly because of this, and we were married for 3 years before he ended up cheating on me with my best friend, one of my bridesmaids in the wedding. We tried to work it out, but I just hated him for it and couldn't let it go.
I met my FI when I absolutely least expected it, and actually before I was legally divorced. I didn't take things seriously at first but then we fell madly in love, and when his homeport changed to Hawaii (he is in the service), I gave up my career and left behind my friends and family to go with him. I never looked back and certainly have never been happier, and he proposed about 2 months after I moved here, on a hike overlooking the West & North coasts of Oahu.
I sorta was? twice? One in 6th grade and one in 7th grade I think it was. Funny how these young boys would ask about that and then the girls are all like "uuuh no." I ended up breaking up with the guys after, not that I'd really say we had an actual relationship.
My mom has been proposed to a lot... the first time, my dad, she accepted (they had been dating like 6months or something). The 2nd, she was living with a guy and i think he just thought he was supposed to, idk. She accepted, probably so she wouldn't be kicked out of his house. I can't remember if there was a ring or not. Possibly, but she didn't wear it. Then then eventually broke up and she eventually found another guy, moved in with him, he proposed, but he was a GIANT jerk and again, she accepted only so she wouldn't be kicked out, not because she could really see herself growing old with him. Eventually they broke up too. Neither of these engagements involved any active planning or date setting though and I don't think they ever called each other fiance.
Recently some guy proposed to her on their first date... like for seriously wanted to marry her. She said no luckily (well, not before yanking his chain abit) and things never amounted to anything between them. She has yet another new guy, and I wouldn't be surprised if she tries to marry him or something.
I haven't been proposed to before. My mother was though and hearing her story was interesting...so glad she said no and married my dad instead :)
I have been 3 times before but only one was real :)
The first two were my hs bf when we were 15/16. He proposed and I told him to come back when he had a ring. He proposed later... I told him to come back when he had a ring. We broke up around the 11 month mark.
The only one I consider "real" was when I was 18. It was my ex and it was the day that he signed up to be in the military. We had fought about him doing it but it was really the only way we could be together (looong story). He came to my college dorm to tell me (hs sweethearts and he drove from our hometown) and was sure I would break up with him. When I didn't he proposed. I told him I would marry him some day but we had to be done with school first. I ended up staying with him for 5 years before we broke up.
I did get a proposal once, and because of all the feelings involved, it was SUCH a bad experience. It kinda turned me off of proposals I think. This time I'm engaged, but had no proposal! That's funny come to think of it... a proposal and no engagment... then an engagement and no proposal :-P
When I studied in France during college I got proposed to by a guy looking for an American visa :) Same thing happened with an international student who was in one of my classes in college (back on campus). Guess I'm just too chummy ;)
Other than that, no proposals, although 2 exs have made it clear they wanted to marry me - one in high school, who I promptly broke up with (in the middle of spring break in Florida together! I was so mean!); the other was my abusive crazy ex who I thought I wanted to marry. Thank GOD he never managed to save enough money for a ring.
When I was in grade 1 I got 'married' to a guy in class. It was under the trees at the side of the playground. A third grader 'performed' the ceremony, and we used coloured paper from the hole punch as confetti. Alas we 'broke up' a few months later when he transfered to another school and started 'dating' 7 other first graders....
Once also in 2nd year university while drunk my evil ex tied a ribbon around my neck and told me if I kept it on for two days he would give me a diamond ring. The next morning I woke up hungover, said WTF is that? And ripped it off, not remembering what had happened the night before.
I only got proposed to once (by my fh) . When I was in college I was in this relationship for 2 years on and off. When I broke up he freaked out big time (stalking type) and said he had been shopping for a ring to propose. I never knew if it was true or just something he said so I would stay with him. He was a jerk and that's the best decision I have ever made.
I was proposed to once before my husband proposed. My high school sweetheart proposed on Christmas Eve in my third year of university - we'd been together for 4 years. It was really sweet, he had made a private dinner for the two of us and had Christmas crackers for us to open. Mine had a ring in it. I knew that he wasn't the right guy when my stomach dropped - I realized the relationship had turned into something that was comfortable and easy, but wasn't the "zing - this is it" that I felt when my husband proposed.
He was a great guy, awesome and incredibly good to me in every way, and I cried while I told him no. I just knew deep down it wasn't right. I'll never forget the hurt and confused look on his face.
I take comfort in the fact that although I let the relationship go on longer than I should have, at least I didn't end up marrying him. He deserved better than that.
I was "proposed" to by a bestman when I was 16. I worked at a country club and I worked a lot of weddings. I brought this guy a drink (probably one of many) and he told me that he loved me and that he thought we should get married! It was pretty funny and a I got a nice tip out of it! :)
I was asked by two other people before my fiance. They both got "hell no" from me.
Actually, I was engaged before. BAD idea! I had gotten pregnant, and our parents really pushed it. His parents pretty much made him buy a ring and do it, and I said yes (even though I didn't want to!). Neither of us wanted to get married, and we ended up breaking up altogether before our son was even born. We still lived together though and hoped to maybe work for the baby's sake, but that doesn't work! When my son was 6 days old, the ex told me to move out, and that was the end of it. FI is worried now that I will change my mind about him, but there is a big difference. I WANT to marry FI, I didn't want to marry baby's dad!
I hadn't thought of this in YEARS, but when I was 16 my first serious boyfriend proposed. He was mormon and was planning to go on his 'mission' when he turned 18 (which was soon) and so he asked me to be engaged to him, and to marry him when he came back. I said no.....and he ended up joining the marines instead of going on a mission, and sort of renouncing his religion. I hope that was just a personal choice and not because of the rejection!
Nope, not me. And thank goodness. I used to be very...naive, to say the least. And who knows what life would have been like with my ex(es). Lmbo!
I did, however, get two rings (both of which I sold to people on craigslist for extra Christmas money! Obviously, the guy didn't mean much to me) from my most serious ex. I even brought along my FI to make sure the people who bought them weren't total creeps! ;)
On that note, I still have a diamond necklace from that guy...any takers? HA, jk!
I had an emotionally abusive boyfriend and was in a long-distance relationship with him for about a year before I broke up with him. A while after the breakup, he emails me and proposes to me. I was annoyed because at the time, I thought I would never get married and thought if anyone way in the future were to ask me why I never married, I could have replied, "Well no one ever asked!" Lol!
I'd never been proposed to before which is lucky b/c I've had several serious boyfriends that I know I would have said yes to and regretted it years later. I was way too young to know myself well enough to be married and treat someone else like they deserved.
I was asked once when I was 21 & still in college. He was 25 & it was an unhealthy relationship so it was a no brainer.
FI and I took a 5yr break (long story) but in that time I was with someone else for 3yrs. I can't say anything bad about him - it just wasn't meant to be. I was never really in love with him. He was pretty well off and I would have been taken care of, nice house, nice cars, 2.5 kids - all that. I would've been content but that's no way to enter a marriage… settling. I always knew I'd never be truly happy with him.
I honestly never really thought I'd want to get married and start a family until FI and I got back together. After that 3yr relationship - being with FI again was eye opening. It was sort of like, "Ohhh yeah - THIS is what it's supposed to feel like." I had forgotten.
It wasn't much of a proposal. No "will you marry me?" No ring. I was 18 and dating a guy that was waaaaay to old for me, but I really liked him. He was such a free spirit and we had a great time together. I confessed to him that I've always sort of wanted to elope to Vegas, as part of a conversation about going there, not about marriage. He stopped right there, grabbed my hand and said "ok, let's go get hitched." I turned beet red, giggled, and said no. I couldn't tell just how serious it was, but it must have been a turning point for him. A few weeks later he called me up and broke it off. He'd met another woman, who was a lot like me from what I hear, but 10 years older. A few weeks later he asked her to marry him, and less than 9 months later they had a baby. That was a pretty rough time for me, but I have to say that I wouldn't have imagined it any other way. I can't wait for the real thing from my love!
I sort of had to do this with my high school boyfriend right after graduation. I had actually initiated the break up talk not knowing he was going to propose. This then prompted him to tell me he had just made payments on a ring and it was almost paid off and he had planned to propose to me. It was difficult to break away at that point, but I still had my reasons and it just wouldn't have been right...and we were WAY too young. I am not sure what the outcome was of the ring, I hope he got his money back.
Yes, my first serious bf in high school asked me after we graduated. He got really drunk one night and we were laying in the middle of a field looking at the stars and he asked me. I said yes. But he didn't have a ring. And he lived in Florida, while I lived in Ohio. He was just there visiting. We dated on and off for the next two years, before I finally broke it off for good. He couldn't commit to visit me, when it was he who moved away from me. I haven't seen him since, but we keep in touch, i.e. talk every 6 months or so. He finally came for a visit in my home town last month, but I moved to Chicago a month and a half before the visit, so couldn't see him. I'm not sorry about it either, that part of my life is behind me. I wish him well, but he's not invited to the wedding.
my boyfriend of 7 1/2 years also informally asked me, a few times. we talked about marraige often, and he would find his moments to ask me to marry him. i always said that i wouldn't answer until he had a ring. i think that was my way of stalling. and then he ended up getting a ring, had a flight to come down and propose (we were long distance), and i broke up with him 3 days before the flight. i didn't know this until about a month after. so that was that. best decision of my life though, breaking up with him!
Not a real proposal – but when I was 18 I was in (what I see now) was a very emotionally abusive relationship. We talked about marriage, and at the time, I would probably have said yes, but he used that more as a thing to hold over my head than anything else. He often said “Oh, I was going to ask you to marry me this weekend, but then you did x”. SO, so, so glad he never asked!!!!!!!! Whew!
The other was when I was about 23 – was casually dating his guy who was way more into me than I into him, and he dropped hints about looking at rings. I told him flat-out not to ask or buy a ring, and we broke up shortly after that. 6 months later he married someone else – 6 months after that they were divorced.
So glad the only real proposal came from FH!
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