- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
Maybe this is a little lame or maybe I’m just crazy, but I just want to get some opinions.
I absolutely LOVED high school, even though I wasn’t popular, an A plus student, Homecoming queen, or any of that “typical awesome high school experience” stuff. I was heavily involved with the music department (particularly marching band — yes, band geek for life here lol) and it was there that I truly, TRULY found my niche. In fact I know that being involved with this group saved me from a life of chronic depression and self loathing. It taught me SO SO much about myself and life in general. I could go on for PAGES about what the experience and those people meant to me, but I won’t … now. (wait til the novel comes out).
But anyway there are times when I miss those times and those people SO much I can’t help but cry. The girls in my flute/piccolo section were my sisters. In fact even if I never talk to any of them again in my life I will consider them my sisters until the day I die. And I miss performing so much it’s like … a piece of my heart is missing.
Ever see Field of Dreams where Shoeless Joe says that not being allowed to play bsaeball was like having a part of him amputated? That’s how I feel sometimes.
I know that somehow I need to fill this “musical” void in my life, but it obviously can’t be done as a profession. I guess I’m kind of afraid that if I get into volunteering with music somehow it’ll just make the ache worse.
I love going to shows, performances, etc at high school, college, and professional levels, but it is also very painful because I realize performing/music isn’t really a part of my life anymore.
I guess I’m just trying to see if anyone out there feels the same way about high school/college/sorority, whatever.
And any suggestions on what I can do about it?
Ugh I’m crying now. This is honestly something I hide … even from myself for some reason.