Post # 1
So I was engaged to be married to a man who ultimately was a complete jerk. He had a financial secret that was exposed right before we were to wed (He owed 50k in taxes that he hadn’t told me about and was causing garnishments, etc.) I was hurt but moved on with my life. Needless to say, I had all of our wedding fixings in my closets to remind me. Heck, I still do! smh
Anyhoo….I have since met a wonderful man who is honest, genuine and loving. Dependable and reliable. He shows me unconditional love and I’m not afraid to give it right on back!!!
So we are now planning our own wedding day and here’s a few questions I have for my fellow bees:
1) Would you consider using the same venue? Some places give you a credit and mine may have done that.
2) What is the fastest way to get rid of the old wedding stuff? I still have my gown and accessories, as well as the BM dresses, etc.
3) Would you still feel comfortable with planning yet another traditional wedding or would you elope? (asking bridesmaids again, etc.)
4) Would you work with the same vendors? (you know…the photographer that already photographed you in past engagement photos, etc.
I’d love to hear your opinions on this, bees so time to chime in!!!
Post # 3
I think you should definitely still have a traditional wedding if thats what you want! You may have been planning before but you never got your dream wedding…and now you have that opportunity. I think it is completely up to you if you feel comfortable getting married at the same venue you had originally planned the ceremony and their is a credit, why now? Same for vendors…if you loved them before, why not? This might not be the typical situation…but i think if you have vendors/location that you loved and you and your FI are both ok still using them..then why go through all the extra work of starting completely from scratch? As far as your dress and BM’s dresses…I would say do a posting on craigslist to sell them 🙂
I’m glad that you found someone wonderful 🙂
Post # 4
@soonmrswhite: I totally agree with the previous poster, have the wedding YOU want! If your dream was everything you had before then use it or incorporate it into a even better version of what was to be! Just because it is a different guy doesn’t mean your wedding dream has to be different. If you want to sell your old stuff then I would do so on here or if you are willing…I would donate whatever you don’t like to less fortunate brides. However, if you love that stuff and are only getting rid of it because you think you shouldn’t use them then I would say just keep it! The vendors are the same idea…You picked all of it for a reason didn’t you?
Post # 5
I also called off an engagement several years ago with an ex. I spent some time alone and learned a lot about myself, which allowed me to meet and marry my best friend with whom I can be ME!
- Would you consider using the same venue? The first was gorgeous and financially perfect, but sadly, I knew using it would’ve been awkward – too many memories of the ex. DH and I lucked out because our second one was even more beautiful and reflected our personalities better.
- What is the fastest way to get rid of the old wedding stuff? I still have my dress from the first go-round, too! I tried consigning it, but no luck. I’ll be eager for other suggestions!
- Would you still feel comfortable with planning yet another traditional wedding or would you elope? We did the full shindig. It never occurred to me not to do so just because I had planned one previously.
- Would you work with the same vendors? I considered it, but then decided not to.
Post # 6
@soonmrswhite: This is kind of along the lines of a second wedding as well. I am on my second wedding and I want absolutely nothing to do with the first. But paramount IMO would be venue. But then if you have a credit…Ugh! Do you think you can get past the memory of picking it out with him and how you pictured your wedding to be there? Or maybe the same venue has another spot you could use? I hate to waste money, but I want nothing to remind me of my ex.
There’s no reason why you shouldn’t plan another traditional wedding. You never got to have the first one! As far as vendors go, I don’t see why vendors would remind you too much of your ex, so especially if you have credit with them, go for it!
Post # 7
I canceled an engagement, then got engaged again finally 7 years later. For me, most of these things weren’t issues because my tastes had changed a lot during that time. A wedding planned by a 20-yr old can be a lot different than one planned by a 27-yr old! 🙂 By this time I lived in a different town, so none of the vendors would have been able to be the same, and I had a completely different set of friends, so none of my original bridesmaids were the same ones I asked the second time.
I still have my old wedding dress hanging in my parents storage room! I recently tried it on and had my mom take some pictures of me with plans to sell it on ebay, but that still hasn’t happened, whoops.
My wedding was in a church, and it was going to be the first time too, but that didn’t make me think of my original wedding, because I always knew my wedding would be in a church. The only thing I did the same that was pretty specific was a song that I had sung at my wedding that was going to be at the first one too. I felt a little awkward about it for a while, but I really couldn’t find anything I liked better, and I don’t regret my decision. 🙂
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with doing things like your first wedding, as long as you don’t feel weird about it.
Post # 8
@soonmrswhite: I see no problem with using the same venue/vendors if you still like them!!! Your style might not have necessarily changed just because your FI did (:
Post # 9
@soonmrswhite: I was enaged to a guy that I broke up with less than a year before our wedding date. I, thankfully, wasn’t very far into it.
When I got married to DH, I did not choose the same venue, but that was because we got married in a completely different town that could accomodate the number of guests we were having. I didn’t use the same photographer because she wouldn’t even compensate me at all, even though she wasn’t legally responsible to, but she couldn’t even e-mail me back to tell me no even.
Tha being said, I DID wear the dress, accessories, and use all of my decorations I had bought. I didn’t want to lose out on all that money, and DH agreed. I really didn’t want a blush pink and white wedding, but I did, and that was ok. I didn’t give up a part of my dream wedding to accomodate stuff I had from a previous relationship.I came up with all different ideas though to use my decorations.
Post # 10
I thank you all for your opinions and advice! It has helped a great deal !!!!! I love my Bees!!!!!
Post # 11
@soonmrswhite: If you liked the old venue and your FI sees no issue with it, then go ahead and have your wedding there! If you did the planning before, then it was YOUR wedding.
Post # 12
Congratulations on your engagement! Don’t let the wedding that never happened be a cloud hanging over the wedding that’s about to happen. You dodged a bullet, by the sounds of it. 😉
My ex called off our wedding 7 days before the big day. Then, 2 years later I married my now DH.
1) Would you consider using the same venue? Yep. If you love it, you should use it.
2) What is the fastest way to get rid of the old wedding stuff? I had my old gown dyed and altered into a party dress, but you could always donate it (look up Cinderella Project, maybe) or sell it on craigslist. Or wear it if you’re cool with that. I didn’t because my then-FI was a little sensitive about me having been engaged before.
3) Would you still feel comfortable with planning yet another traditional wedding or would you elope? Same as question 1. You should do what makes you happy. My wedding ended up being destination instead of traditional, but only because my ex had been the one pushing for traditional in the first place. I still had the same girls for bridesmaids, and my MOH even wore the dress we’d picked out for the first wedding.
4) Would you work with the same vendors? Yes. Even better now, since you’re familiar with their work.
Good luck, and happy planning! 🙂
Post # 13
@bunnymama: thank you sooooo much for the advice and tips!
Post # 14
I too have called off a wedding but not with my ex, it was with the same guy that I’m still with and plan to marry.
We were fresh out of high school, broke but thought we were capable of doing anything. We set a wedding date, I told my intermediate family (dad, mom, brother), told my friends and asked the friends that I wanted to be my bridesmaids and then we realized that we can’t afford it (I knew my parents wasn’t going to be able to pay for the wedding bc of their own money situations). We didn’t get much planned, I had a dress but it was given to me. We werent that much into planning such as getting the venue, photographer or anything like that but we did purchase several things for the centerpieces for the reception and make up the guest list.
Then we realized that it wasn’t the best of time so we kind of just let the wedding jitters die down and that was it, everybody just kind of forgot about it lol, every now and then we will get asked when we are getting married.
We are three years out of high school now and plan on getting married for real in 2015, when we can actually afford the wedding that we really want.