(Closed) Anyone ever have a crush of sorts on a co-worker while they were engaged?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7175 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Let me ask you something – if the crush came up to you and flirted with you and asked you out – would you want to accept?  Or, are you doing anything to try to get to know the crush better?

If the answer is ‘yes’ to either one of those – I think you need to think about if you want to be in a life-long commitment to your FI.

I personally think that over time you will be attracted to people other than your spouse – but if you are actively doing something to either try to be around that person more or would want to get together with that person, if the opportunity presents itself, then you are asking for trouble.

Post # 5
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Hmmm if you’re the type who is “always searching for something better”….maybe a lifelong committment isn’t for you? It sounds like you’re going to be really unhappy with his personality long-term. I’d say this is a big issue, and the crush is just a symptom. Being ok with your partner’s ambition and job status is a really big deal.

Post # 6
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

I was always searching for something better until I did a lot of work on myself… Then I found my best match.  I did, however, have to come to terms with the fact that I might never meet that guy and might end up single. 

I decided I could live with that, and when I least expected at the age of 34 I connected with someone who was a perfect match for me.  He’s not perfect, just perfect for me 🙂

Post # 7
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 1990

If you are not happy now then you really will not be happy after gettng married.  If you looking at other men considering a relationship with them then you should not be getting married.  It sounds like there are issues between you and FI that need to be resolved prior to gettng married or just plain don’t get married!  Talk with FI and be honest with him.  This is what I need from you…  Ask directly why the sex is going down….  Good Luck

Post # 8
Member
439 posts
Helper bee

I completely understand the wanting stability thing.  My FI (before he was FI) and I had a huge fight about him needing to have goals for his life.  I have 2 college degrees, working on my third, and am extremely goal oriented.  He has none and loves to live in the moment.  We separated for awhile over it.  He decided to go back to school, and now has dreams of owning his own restaurant.  A year after that fight, I saw that he had enough stability and drive for me to want to marry him, and we are now engaged.

And I definitely had other crushes at that time when things were bad.  Wanting something better.  After our fight though, he became my “something better.”  Sometimes it takes them realizing that they’re losing you to step up their game.

Post # 9
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Oh my God……are you me? 

I am feeling the exact same way…I am seriously questioning if this is it!! Is this love at its best…or is there really somebody out there that I will follow madly deeply head over heels in love with. My man is awesome…..don’t get me wrong.and I love him…but I look at other relationships around me..and I see them cuddling, kissing, etc..and we are so not like that…Really we are nothing like that…BUT…I never grew up with any of that either…I am not cuddly, emotional, anything like that with anyone…not just him…….so I often wonder if I would be the same way with someone else…or am I just like that with him…Does this make sense?

 

Post # 10
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Oh my God……are you me? 

I am feeling the exact same way…I am seriously questioning if this is it!! Is this love at its best…or is there really somebody out there that I will follow madly deeply head over heels in love with. My man is awesome…..don’t get me wrong.and I love him…but I look at other relationships around me..and I see them cuddling, kissing, etc..and we are so not like that…Really we are nothing like that…BUT…I never grew up with any of that either…I am not cuddly, emotional, anything like that with anyone…not just him…….so I often wonder if I would be the same way with someone else…or am I just like that with him…Does this make sense?

 

Post # 11
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Maybe you should take a step back and re-evaulate your relationship with your SO.  I also think maybe your not ready to be committed or get married yet.  If your truly not ready to settle down there’s nothing wrong cancelling the wedding since your wedding date is coming up soon.  See what you want in life and what will make you happy.

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