Anyone ever have any coworker wedding drama over invites?

posted 2 months ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
1536 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Personally I don’t think that you should treat your coworkers differently than any of your other guests. If they are in a relationship, invite them as a social unit. In the case of your widowed coworker, I’d extend her a +1. 

Post # 4
Member
506 posts
Busy bee

littlecats :  i can assure you they would have said they were ‘fine’ with it whether they were or weren’t, you kind of put them on the spot a bit!

Post # 6
Member
840 posts
Busy bee

Ditto whnlz.  No one wants to be the jerk that tells someone they find something offensive and when you put people on the spot, they are more than likely going to just agree with what you want.  And friends are usually often more than happy to be gracious to help friends out.  That makes them your friends.  But then you should want to strive to treat them better than that and be a good friend to them by doing the proper thing regardless of what lengths they agree to for you.

“My budget is really tight and I really want to invite as many of you guys as I can – are you ok coming without your spouse if I sit all the coworkers together?

Exactly what is someone supposed to say that?  No, I don’t care that your budget is tight and you have tough decisions to make?

“I only have space for 70.  Is it ok if I don’t invite your husband to my wedding?”

“Ummm…ok, I guess?”

Don’t put this on them.  Don’t make them cosign your decisions.  The proper thing to do is invite them with their significant others, even if that means not inviting the whole gang.  If you don’t want to invite them with significant others so you can invite the whole group without significant others, then just own that decision, but don’t make them approve it to alleviate your guilt. 

As for whether it causes drama – that’s mostly up to you and how you handle it.  Don’t talk about your wedding at work and don’t discuss your invitation decisions with them.  If you want to avoid any hint of potential drama, then just don’t invite coworkers at all.  Otherwise, only invite the people you are legitimately friends with (not “work friends”, not “happy hour friends” – legit we have contact outside of work and would remain friends even after one of us left this job friends).  The only time I’ve ever seen drama regarding wedding invitations cause drama at work is when people go around discussing their wedding around people who clearly aren’t going to be invited.  In fact, it caused hurt feelings when a friend of mine started discussing it in mixed company, then made it clear one person wasn’t going to be invited only to not realize that person was going to be my plus one and they no longer wanted to come knowing they weren’t welcome.  Don’t be the person who discusses their wedding at work.  That’s the best way to avoid drama.

Post # 7
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

 

Invite them as a group!  

 

I’m coming to be controversial but if you’re inviting a group of coworkers – You shouldn’t HAVE to invite their spouses or give them +1s, especially if they all get along or are friends with each other.  To a back yard BBQ?  Yes, sure,invite everyone – but to your wedding with everything that entails – just invite your work friends.  If they are uncomfortable attending without their spouse then they’ll decline which just helps to keep your numbers and your costs down.  

 

I know, I’m a cow, but there has to be a line somewhere and I struggle to see how most reasonable people get wound up about things like this.

 

Just like to also throw I that this is where the UK norm works much better XD  (sorry, I Know it is t helpful for you here) Everyone and their spouses can come for the evening party without worrying about catering g to huge numbers for the whole day.  

Post # 11
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

I’m a tossing around the coworker invites as well: I would only be inviting the ones who work closely with me (we work in a classroom together and have been together for 6 years) otherwise I could have 100+ people just from work. I have 7 invites with their plus ones and in a perfect world I would exclude one, but that would most definitely cause drama and I like working with this person, just not really close. 

I would suggest only inviting people you feel close to at work, I think the rest would understand. I think….lol

Post # 12
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

littlecats :  sorry!  I didn’t mean you 🙂 I’m sure you’re a perfectly reasonable and lovely person (excuse my terrible wording in the first place – I just realised how my post proabably sounded)

I were invited to a wedding of a work friend, along with a group of other work friends and none of us were given a +1 or the couple equivalent – Neither me or my FI would take offence, it just seems perfectly reasonable to me to invite work friends as a group… Kinda like their own entaty 🙂  

Post # 15
Member
840 posts
Busy bee

littlecats :  “it’s going well,  thank you for asking.  Hey,  what about…” And then change the subject.  Surely you all have many varied interests and hobbies.  Talk about your yoga class,  the book you’re reading, an interesting tv show, the new flavor of Doritos in the vending machine, the local sports team, a local news story of interest,  the concert you just bought tickets for,  the latest memo that just came out from management,  the yummy recipe you just saw online that you just can’t wait to try.  Or better yet just turn it around and ask about them,  what’s going on in their life or what they did over the weekend. 

Most people aren’t looking for specific details.  It’s polite conversation 101 because they know it’s a thing in your life currently.  Doesn’t mean you can’t be general and then talk about other things in your life. 

If people persist in asking specific details, just politely explain that you aren’t comfortable with wedding talk at work.  Or give some platitude that you get enough wedding talk at home and are grateful for work to give you something else to think about for awhile.  Whatever. 

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