Post # 1
Ok, so I have been dealing emotionally with this for about 6 weeks now and I am ready to just rid myself from it. I hate drama, always have, but some of the females in my life, seem to enjoy stirring it and creating it. So this is more of a vent and any advice is welcomed on how to really move on mentally and physcially instead of telling myself I have but still get upset about it. Sorry if this is long, just unloading from the chest and mind! 🙂
My wedding was extremely small and intimate, what DH and I wanted next to going to the courthouse, but we decided to do this for family. I thought everything was ok and wanted to be the one to include FMIL, FSIL, BF and Sister in all my decisions. Everyone went along with everything until comments were made on wedding day and thereafter. But the week of, it seemed a certain member of my family did not approve of anything from the menu, to my hair, to flowers, to lack of parties etc etc. Kept hearing comments about being so not traditional and well, this is what she wanted, not me! Seriously? Control issues came about, talking mean to me, our guests and finally the last straw, my inlaws. My inlaws have since made comments about her rude behavior and I was embarrassed. So I let my feelings known after we got home and well fast forward to now, we have not spoken in 6 weeks up until the insulting email I got last week.
I was basically told how ungrateful I was, how unhelpful my inlaws were and that they needed to do more so that she could have relaxed, umm its their wedding too and they help us beyond words can explain outside of this wedding and do constantly. I replied with how I felt and I will not tolerate any more of this. I am so hurt now, that I can not look back on this day and not recall this drama nor the broken relationship it has caused. One I am not sure will fully be repaired due to the scar it has caused with me and now my DH and the comments made towards his family. Friends and other family completely disagree with this person and her actions, so it does help somewhat.
Has anyone had to deal with this type of BS? That is basically what it is to me, but yet still hurts. I just did not know my marriage and wedding had to have a 3rd party be the center of attention.
Post # 3
Wow, I am so sorry that you had to deal with this on your wedding day. I also had a lot of drama at my wedding. In fact, at one point, I thought I would never be able to look back on my wedding without thinking about all of the unnecessary, negative things that other people did/said. However, a little time and distance has really put things into perspective for me. Three months after the fact, I can definitely say that my wedding was a wonderful day. It doesn’t mean I excuse the bad behaviors or that I don’t remember the negativity. All that has happened is that I can look past the negativity to concentrate on the positives: I married my best friend 3 months ago, and it was an incredible moment. Now, instead of focusing my memories of the wedding on the bad behaviors of others, I am (usually) able to concentrate on my husband seeing me walk down the aisle, our first dance, etc… It’s a conscious choice to not let those negative comments and behaviors ruin what was a wonderful day.
Also, I should add that one thing that helped me was to try to forgive (forgive, not necessarily reconcile with) the people I was mad at. Sometimes it’s hard for me to remember that I love my family and friends for who they are, and that includes their flaws/bad behavior. Though it will probably be hard, I think trying to forgive that person would take away some of the disappointment and hurt feelings you have when you look back on your wedding. If the relationship is irreparable, that means just letting go of the whole thing. But if you do want to try to save the relationship, you should sit down and hash out the whole situation with the other person. It might come down to a “We agree to disagree” type of reconciliation, but at least some of the hurt will be lifted. Carrying around all the pain, though, is bound to just make you more angry at that person and more upset about your wedding in general.
Something else that continues to help me is trying to remember that I’m the only one who can change how I feel about the wedding now. Nobody else can make me feel better; I can’t re-do my wedding. It’s up to me to come to some kind of peace about the whole thing; it’s up to me to move on. I hope that, eventually, you can look back positively on your wedding, as well. 🙂
Post # 4
I am so sorry you had to go through this. I have no advice sorry, but I have big bee hugs! (((((HUGS))))))
Post # 5
I am so sorry you had to deal with this. It sounds terrible. Mrs. Spring is right though, it may be best to let this go. You’ve told said person how you feel about her actions, and now I think it’s time to let time heal things. Contact her when you feel like you can move forward. If not, then the ball is in her court. Again, I’m really sorry you had to deal with all of this on your wedding day. BIG HUGS!
Post # 6
i have a very opinionated family.. i’m TOTALLY expecting a ton of drama on my wedding day!! either that or my family will be completely lacksadical but if they’re engaged, there are going to be “differences of opinion”
sorry you had to go through that for your day though. it still sucks regardless.
Post # 7
Wow Miss Spring – I think you just helped me get over my wedding day drama!
I also went through a ton of drama on my wedding day. I was a giant ball of stress b/c of my mom, and it was just really tough to go through. Two years later, I ahve also started to focus on all the wonderful aspects of my wedding, and I think you will be able to as well. It’s sad that this person decided to make so many rude comments to everyone in your family, including your new in laws, but hopefully, time will heal the wounds and you will be able to look back at the day and see how much fun you had marrying your best friend!
Post # 8
This is my biggest fear!!
Several of my family members aren’t talking to each other at the moment and my biggest wedding stress is worrying about them causing something at the wedding.
I hope that in time the bad memories will fade for you and that the good ones will overshadow them. I think it’s a good thing that you were able to tell this person how you feel and I think it will help you in the long run!
Post # 9
I’ve been in two weddings that were filled with drama. Mostly because of other bridesmaids. I felt really bad for the brides because they really didn’t need all that drama. I know for me I haven’t gotten past one of them and that was months ago and I wasn’t the bride!
I’ve come to realize that there are lots of women out there who are just plain catty. Not happy with anything going on in their own lives and just thrive off of the drama. I have decided to eliminate those people from my life. Because I don’t want to fall prey to that behavior nor do I want it on my day.
Try your best to move on. Think only about the postive. And when you talk to this person again if she brings up negative comments then change the subject quickly and/or end the conversation.
Post # 10
Mine wasn’t filled with it, but my parents made me 30 min late to my own wedding so I didn’t get any outside pictures at our beautiful plantation house with my girls becaue dad apparently didn’t read the PRINT OUT i gave him that said when we were leaving….so when we were ready to leave he hadn’t even showered yet.
Post # 11
yeah. i definitely had all the drama. i wont bring up all the bad memories again, but i will tell you that my relationship with both of my sisters is over. last week they got together (i am the only one living out of state) and told my father he had to choose between a relationship with them or me. let me note here that my father has absolutely nothing to do with why we are not on speaking terms.
i think you really have to just let it go…but that does not mean forgive or forget. that means you choose not to let yourself get all riled up reliving the not so great parts of the day.
sorry i dont have better advice. i choose to eliminate the sources of unhappiness from my life. you may not be able or even want to do the same.
Post # 12
I appreciate everyone’s comments and advice. I really did feel like I was alone and it is nice to know, unfortunately, that people do deal with this as well. One thing I have learned to do really well is to forgive and move on. I use to never be able to do that and also use to always hold my feelings in for fear of confratation and/or anger towards me. I hate people being mad at me. Weird I know. But my husband actually expressed to me how proud he was of me that I stood up for us and myself and did it in a somewhat tactful way. Not every word I said was nice but it is what I felt and could not say it any more sweet without sounding fake. I do beleive I will be able to move on from this and I left it with them to any further conversation over this will be done in person, period. The good thing that will help in this is the distance between us, 3000 miles, so it does give me time to move on and forget and forgive on my own. I can not change someone’s actions or feelings, only mine own. If you can’t tell I have been talking to my friends and inlaws alot the last few days and have constantly prayed for me to move on. Thank you Bee for all the hugs and advice, sometimes you just need a different perspective to make sure what your feeling is not crazy! 🙂
Post # 13
aaahhh, this is why I love WeddingBee! This post made me happy. 🙂
Post # 14
@ejs4y8 AHHH! I would be so annoyed! I can totally see my dad doing something similar! Love him to death but thank goodness for my mom who keeps his entire existence on schedule 😉