Post # 1
My FI are “eloping” in October (when i say eloping we have told people that it will just be the 2 of us) my family have been wonderful and even though they are disappointed (although they would never say that) they understand that it is our decision to make. We have also commited to having an informal party afterwards.
My FI family on the other hand are being difficult. They are Catholics and EVERYONE has been married in a big ceremony is a church which a huge family reception. We are eloping for a number is reasons:
1) Most of my family are on the other side of the world
2) My FI hates being the centre of attention and it makes him feel uncomfortable
3) The idea of spending $+++ on a wedding seems crazy. We want to start a family very soon and need the money for that
His mum has said ” I cannot believe you are doing this to me, I want the joy of seeing my son get married” Today his grandmother rung him to say “Ever since I found out I have been ill, you are making me sick making this selfish decision, i want to see my first grandson get married”
How have you bee’s coped with being made to feel guilty?!
Post # 3
@CartersMum: I’m probably not the best person to be answering this, because my mother and the FI’s mother both made us feel guilty… which is why we’re having a traditional wedding instead of eloping, as we had originally planned. 🙁
Try and stay strong. Make sure you and your FI are strong set in your decision to elope, and support each other and defend each other to your families. Do what feels best for you both, not your families.
Post # 4
@CartersMum: We are having a big to do in a catholic church with two receptions, and people are making us feel guilty about stuff too. Sometimes on purpose, sometimes accidentally. You can’t please everyone, butcha, ya gotta please yourself.
Post # 5
@CartersMum: Instead of feeling guilty you should feel angry at how unsupportive they are. I never understood anyone who felt that not having a wedding was “selfish”. Anyone who criticizes you for your decision is selfish themselves for wanting your special day to essentially revolve around them. Whether or not to have a wedding is a decision for you and your FI to make, and unless the naysayers want to foot the bill they cant tell you to throw a giant party that you dont want.
Post # 6
- Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand
Any time someone in FI’s family tries to guilt him about not having a big fancy wedding, he should guilt them about the money and explain he doesn’t want to enter into marriage with debt just to have a party for everyone else. That should get people to shush.
Post # 7
Tell them unless they want to fund the entire wedding, then pay for everything children need for the first 18 years of their life, they have no say in what goes on. That just sounds selfish to me. Stay strong, don’t let them break you down. If eloping makes you happy, do it. Who is anyone to stop you?
Post # 8
the guilt trip is the reason we’re having a wedding. i don’t feel like dealing with the fallout which would happen. it would be ugly. very, very ugly. for me, for my fiance, for my parents, for his parents. the extended family would be furious if we didn’t have a wedding. there would be fighting and arguments and most likely someone would get disowned. it sucks. so we’re having a wedding. we both want a wedding, but eloping sounds so awesome at the same time.
and yes, i know. this goes against my “your wedding, your money, your choices” mantra.
Post # 9
A lot of people will disagree with me, but the wedding is not about anyone other than you and your FI. Its not about his mother, or your families. Period.
Our initial plan was to elope and my family was really supportive of it. My FI’s? No so much. Oh well. I love his family, but none of our commitment to each other has anything to do with them. Maybe that sounds cold, but whatever. If someone is going to disown me for not having a wedding then so be it because I find that to be absolutely ridiculous and childish.
Post # 10
@CartersMum: I am so sorry your family is making you feel guitly! I think that happens alot on here. I just don’t get it! Weddings are very private personal events I think. But I’m sure others feel they are massive celebrations to be shared by all loved ones. Just different views.
I (thankfully?) had a very apathetic family and so far I’ve been married twice, and had no family at either event. They just aren’t into weddings! In fact when I did have a wedding planned, I was feeling like the guilty one for making them fly, rent hotels and cars to see me do something I can very well do without guests.