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I'm kind of in the opposite situation -- my parents have both just kind of assumed that they'll be paying for a great deal of the wedding, and I'm of the opinion that they shouldn't have to.
I realise that everyone's financial situation is different, though, and I remember from a previous post that you are looking at having a "budget" wedding. Are you going to be paying off loan debt, or is there another reason you need financial assistance? Because if you don't really need it, then it's not really your place to ask your father for money for something that he's kind of not counted on paying for. Yes, you might think he spends his money frivilously -- but it's his money that he's earned, and it is his prerogative. (That said, I totally get how annoying it might be that he will spend thousands on X, but not on his daughter's wedding.)
I'm not sure if your parents are still married, but if they are, it might be better to go through your mom (since she feels that they should be paying). Of course, if they're divorced, I'm not sure how well this would work....
I don't have any other suggestions, really, other than just...bringing it up. Just ask him one day -- maybe ease into the conversation by babbling on about your wedding plans (your beautiful venue! your delicious caterer!) ang then asking "hey, Dad, do you think you might be able to help us out with this?" or "hey Dad, remember how you said you'd give us $20K?".
The only reason I am thinking about asking is that I do have 30K in student loans to pay back as well as a car...One of the reasons for having a lower budget is that I figured I would need to pay for the wedding myself as I do with everything else in my life. I don't really want to depend on him because in the past he hasn't been the most reliable.
The reason I think that he may want to contribute is that he wants to invite his friends to my wedding..I don't feel I should have to front the bill, when I don't know his friends. It's a complicated situation with my parents marriage..yes they are married, but my mom pays the bills and struggles to get by. My father doesn't do the best in supporting the household. This is part of the reason my mom feels so strongly in having him contribute in some way (since he has money coming in right now).
I know that my expenses are part of being an adult and I have no problem with that...I suppose it is all the broken promises that get to me. Also I see that a friend of mine is getting her entire wedding paid for by her parents because they saved specifically for it. I guess it bothers me, but I have been used to seeing that happen...I went to a private college and was one of the few in my group of friends that depended solely on her income and had to work like crazy while in school. I know it's tough now, but it will make me stronger in the end...I just need to keep reminding myself this everytime I become stressed.
I'm in the same boat as you...part of me feels too 'proud' to ask dad for money because we've had our issues, but the other part of me feels like this money could be put to good use. We aren't having an expensive wedding by any means ($12K budget) but a couple thousand (shit, a couple hundred) bucks would help a lot. Sorry I'm no help. If you figure out a good way to go about this, let me know!
Jon and I are paying for most of our weding but the most exspenisiv e thing the reception his whole side of the family is paying for. I do not feel bad because i know they have the money to spare and am greatful that they offered because there is no way we could have all these nice things without there help.
The best thing to do is just ask. Tell your dad (or anyone else you want to ask) that anything they can give is fine. If your parents are divorced or your FI's family is pitching in too, no one needs to know how much each party is contributing other than you and your FI. All you can ask of your parents is that they give what they can. Tell them you need to know what they can afford when you have your wedding. So, like if you are getting married next May, what they think they can give for next May. Tell them you need to start budgeting and need to know what everyone is willing to contribute. Let them know that you are planning on pitching in too. That way, you don't come across seeming like you think it's all going to get paid for you.
Even if your dad offered money before with a short notice, doesn't mean he's not going to offer now. It seems strange to think that maybe he had an extra 20K just laying around that he would just burn in 2 months. It makes me worry that if you had planned a super short engagement like that, he might not have come through with the money anyways. It is a rough topic, but all you can do is ask the parties involved to give what they can and if not now, when. That way you can do the planning that you need to do. Everyone is hurting because of the economy, so planning ahead like that is more important than ever.
Good luck with talking to your dad.
Thanks alll...I think we have decided to set back our date until 2011 just to keep everything less stressful and to eliminate the need to rely on our families for help...I do have my fingers crossed, only because 2 years is a long time to wait. I have now worries that we will pull it off on our own without help from our families given the 2 year wait, but like I said wish we could set a date for next year so I am keeping my fingers crossed.
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Hello All,
I am in a tough spot here...I am trying to find the best way to ask my father for help with our wedding funding. My mom is all about the idea that the brides parents should pay for their daughters wedding. However, she doesn't really have a lot of money coming in. My father on the other hand is currently bringing in money through an unknown source...it has been this way for much of my life. He will work on some business project and have a water fall of money followed by a tough drought. In the time that he does have an income he spends lavishly on dinners and other outings. I never asked for help when it came to paying for school, but still feel awkward asking him to contribute to our wedding. I don't want it to seem that I am taking advantage of his current income (it is tough because our relationship fluctuates from good to occasionally rocky) Right now we are in a good state, but since I have grown up we have grown apart due to separate beliefs, etc. I love my father, but have issues talking to him for long periods of time because it is always the same discussion on spirituality and issues he has with my mother. Has anyone else felt awkward asking their parents for help with funding their wedding because they don't feel as close to their parents anymore. Another side note, when we told him about the engagement he said he would give is 20k for a wedding if we got married in two months. I told him it would not be enough time to plan a wedding and he said he would then spend the money on something else. Since then he hasn't brought it up again and I am lost at how to do it.