Post # 1
FI and I are paying for the wedding pretty much ourselves and I know in the greater scheme of things it shouldn’t matter, but I’m starting to feel like A LOT of the expenses are being paid out of my bank account. So far I’ve made two payments on the reception venue, deposit on the flowers, deposit on the DJ, made one of the payments for the photographers, paid for the invitations and stamps, used my frequent flyer miles for the honeymoon, paying for the centerpiece supplies…he’s put down a deposit on the limos and honeymoon. Granted I do make a significant amount more than him, and like I said, it shouldn’t matter, but I’m tired of writing the checks and feeling like I’m paying for the wedding. Anytime I bring it up he says he doesn’t have as much money after paying bills as I do – but I contribute to half of the bills including the mortgage! I hate ‘keeping track’ of what I pay vs. what he does, but I guess it just worries me about what our future will be like if I continue to make more than him….
Post # 3
I totally agree – I am paying pretty much all the deposits right now, but I know for us, we will combine finances right now, so for me it’s not that big of a deal. Whether I pay for it all and he saves, or he pays for it all and I save, whatever is left over will be both of ours…
Post # 4
i know how you feel… except mine is the saving part. I keep saving and he doesnt and then says that he doesnt have that much money after everything is paid. well honey neither do i, but he just doesnt think about it. i know that we are gonna have to have a talk (again) and i am kinda dreading it but at the same time looking forward to getting my feelings out. i think that we need to have to just sit down and talk to our guys and make sure that we are on the same page here. the future is almost here for us…. (i love your wedding date… i wish i coulda had it but the 10th is great too….)
Post # 5
My FI and I are paying out of pocket too and it does feel like that at times. We are combining our finances soon so I will know soon enough where it all goes.
Post # 6
Have you talked about how you guys are going to divvy up the finances after you are married (or how you’ll manage bank accounts).
I felt like that way a lot in the initial stages of making deposits, etc – but after FI and I figured out a game plan moving forward, it felt more equal.
Post # 7
But if both of you contribue to half the bills and you make a lot more money than him… shouldn’t you be paying for more of the wedding? I don’t know, I know that I would not be okay splitting bills 50/50 when one party made more than the other that doesn’t seem fair to me or any way to share a life.
If you aren’t comfortable contributing more to the budget than him… it’s going to keep showing up in your marriage and be a constant problem. Or is the problem just the wedding? Could you start pitching in for 75% of living expenses and have him pay more for the wedding?
Post # 8
Well…….you’re getting married – why does it matter who’s bank account it comes out of if it is going to be joint money in a few months down the road?
Post # 9
We’ve already opened a joint checking account where any money we get from the wedding will go and a portion of each of our paychecks will go for paying bills. We’ll also open a joint savings account and I’ll be keeping my individual checking account for awhile to pay my bills and my own savings account. I’m okay with us combining finances but I still want to keep my own independent accounts as well and FI knows and is ok with that. I dunno…I thought statistics used to say that guys were supposed to be more financially responsible lol
Post # 10
@arachna: I completely get what you’re saying and am OK with contributing more considering I make more…I guess my issue is more of the assumption on his part that I will pay these things and that he doesn’t say something like, “I’ll get this deposit” or something to that nature.
What sparked me posting was my father who won’t be at the wedding handed me 3k in cash today as a gift and apology for not being able to attend the wedding. I told FI and he said, well if it’s for the wedding we can use it for bridal party gifts (meanwhile I’m done getting all mine and he still needs to get his so he essentially wants to use some of my dad’s money to buy his groomsmen gifts)…when I pointed this out to him he said, well it’s for the wedding! No honey…the gifts you get for your boys should not be paid for by my father…
Post # 11
yeah i know how you feel – i have paid all the deposits so far for all the vendors (and i buy groceries and pay most of the bills normally out of my account – i make more. buuuuut i know that hes been saving all along, so hes got about 8K+ in savings for the rest of teh payments we need to make come the month of the wedding so it all equals out. because heavens know i will be broke come wedding day LOL thank goodness hes saving since I dont have much left over every paycheck to save!
Post # 12
I know I am.
But then again if I tried to get him to pay for $800 worth of flowers I would have to put together a freaking powerpoint presentation on why we “need” them.
He pays 90% of our living expenses so I can afford it, plus then I don’t have to justify every expense, it’s nice having that kind of freedom.
Post # 13
you know, i had JUST graduated college when we got engaged and DH paid a large portion of the major bills. And i always felt terribly guilty not contributing 50/50. In fact, i only recently felt okay about it all because he was unemployed for 6 months and MY salary has covered us 100%. And even so, I make about 2x what he makes now because he can’t find a real engineering job!
So yeah, having been there done that, the guilt was awful and i brought it up often because i felt like a d-bag basically! didn’t matter that he was deployed with ZERO living expenses!!!
I agree with you about the new money your dad gave you….he needs to be more responsible and budget a little better for his things that he’s covering. AFter i’d been on my feet about 6 months or so, I started picking things off the list i’d pay for. DH had the venue covered, but i didn’t use our joint account for stuff like the stationary, favors, blah blah blah–i paid for all that.
Post # 14
I am in this identical situation, I completely feel your pain. I don’t have any advice because it’s driving me crazy, but you’re not alone 🙁
I’m trying to convince him to combine our finances so it won’t feel like “his” money and “her” money but he’s hesitant to do that for a number of reasons that I understand completely. Right now I just keep trying to remind myself that the big white wedding is my dream, not his (he’d be perfectly happy eloping), so it makes sense that I should pay more.
Post # 15
We put money we got for our engagement, some money we got from my mother, and our tax refunds in a joint account and we’ve been paying most of the expenses from there. However, FI has put down a deposit on our honeymoon and I’ve paid the photographer some. He makes more than I do and I just lost my job and sometimes I feel bad I’m not contributing as much as he is.
Post # 16
We opened a joint account for the wedding too. I think it has worked for a couple of reasons. 1) we have a budget for a reason! we can’t afford a $30 000 wedding and having a set amount already keeps us accountable (tho, i know near the end we will be stealing from little pots here and there) and 2) he put in half and i put in half. Anything the parents pay for is a bonus and saves us money but we are not counting on it.