Post # 1
My FMIL is a nice person who LOVES her son just like any good mom. She has many good qualities and MANY times is really nice toward me. HOWEVER, I feel like she is competitive with me and critical (which my FI doesn’t see) which results in me being always defensive and feeling like I always have to put up a guard. I’m not my usual self at all. We live close too and see each other about once a week. Uggh, just venting.
Post # 3
Girl, I feel you, but I’m lucky because mine lives in Nevada and we live in the Carolinas. 🙂
What I have learned is that it’s always best to be honest with your FH about how his mom makes you feel, although don’t vent about EVERYTHING she does. With that said, if she says something that puts you on the spot or makes you uncomfortable, tell him how you feel once you go home and ask him to back you up the next time she does something like that. For instance, my sister’s MIL is always trying to commit them to babysit for his brother’s kids or attend family events, so she and her husband have a rule that they talk about all engagements in private before making a decision.
Good luck! Remember that everyone has crazy MIL stories, so you are not alone! Maybe you could plan a weekly girls’ night with your friends on the night she comes over… haha just kidding. 😛
Post # 4
Thanks for the advice! I usually keep mum about being annoyed with her, but tonight I told him and luckily he saw my side a bit. It’s hard because my family so openly and freely talks about how great my FI is and what a great catch he is. They of course have their quirks, but he’s always getting complimented. Not so much from them on me. You are so lucky you have that distance!
Post # 5
I’m glad you guys talked and he could see where you are coming from! Wow, my family is the exact same way with my fiance. They are always talking about how great he is, and they never put him on the spot or ask him any awkward questions. My future MIL is the total opposite of that with me! At least you are marrying him, not her; always remember that! 😉 haha
Post # 6
Dealing with FIL’s is quite an adventure! Mine annoy me a bit, but they are nice enough people. But it’s such a strange dynamic!
Post # 7
Yeah, there’s always an adjustment and I think there always will be an adjustment. For us, my MIL was used to making plans and having her son follow through with few questions asked. The thing is, she doesn’t tell me the plans! I have relatives nearby so I’ll go visit them or we’ll plan a little date for the two of us (and yes we ask before we go visit her if there’s any plans). She just doesn’t decide until the last minute and then I’ve ruined everything. She overall is very nice but only has sons and I don’t think she’s being competitive but just isn’t used to having another girl there who makes plans. Yeah, in my case she just isn’t used to having a daughter who has her own ideas, she’s been used to going into her sons houses, decorating them how she pleases and reorganizing them. They’ve been fine with that but now we’re married we’re slowly chipping away at her coming in and doing those things (gently, ever so gently) but I can’t find anything after she leaves! But her older son’s live in gf is even more particular than I am so in a way it’s good because I give her more room than the other sons gf does.
Post # 8
All the time, lol.
She constantly goes and touches my FI when im there.. even if im doing it.. patting him, hugging him..
It’s annoying, but I try not to let it bother me.
Post # 9
I’m totally in the exact same boat as you. It’s really frustrating that my SO doesn’t see it like I do. Actaully he’s starting to see it, and it’s really freaking him out. He’s deployed to Iraq right now which seems to bring this out a whole lot more in her. I just hope once he’s home and the wedding is over that everything calms down and we can have a normal family life. But hey, what is normal right?
you’re not alone!!