Anyone forced to make nice with someone they hate?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@FutureMrsKenward:  If you don’t like her, you don’t like her.  I personally think that being civil is enough, and I certainly don’t pretend to fake like people I hate.  Who cares if your parents think you should “make nice?”  You’re an adult.  If you see your SIL in social settings, be polite, but why is anything more than that necessary?

Post # 4
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

“It feels like my feeling don’t matter as much as hers do?”

That’s just silly. I’m sure you know it is. It doesn’t have to do with her feelings – it has to do with keeping the peace. Planning a wedding is a hard business that generally results in a lot of stress and hurt feelings. Seems like your parents are anticipating your SIL raising hell, and are trying to make sure you’re all prepared if she does. You guys “getting along” is just a matter of making things easier for everyone.

That said, making nice doesn’t mean you have to include her in anything you’re planning or doing. It just means that you put on a happy face around her.

Post # 5
4941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@FutureMrsKenward:  DH’s best friend’s girlfriend. They’ve been together 8 years, but long story short he’s just in it because she had their daughter. And she’s totally okay living like that, whatever, that’s their thing. She makes him MISERABLE and I adore this guy, he’s wonderful. Besides that, she’s rude and condescending. 

That being said, I avoid her at all costs. I can’t do the “nice to your face, but I can’t really stand you” act. I’ll totally side with you and say that’d be hard to deal with. Massive hugs! 

Post # 6
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@FutureMrsKenward:  I feel you.

Except my situation is my bestfriend’s girlfriend. He doesn’t seem to understand why I don’t want to make nice with the girl who cheated on him with all his coworkers and we caught her twice.


Post # 7
3828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@FutureMrsKenward:  hah, we have the same SIL. DH wants me to make an effort in being nice and talking to her. BULL SHIT. I have been making an effort consistently for the 5 years i have known her, she is always rude to me so fuck that. I can be “friendly” but no, i am not going out of my way to give a shit about her any more. 

If you have made the effort, then thats all you can do.  No you do not need to be friends with her and she doesnt need to be involved in your wedding. 

Post # 8
478 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Is it possible she has changed at all? Only because she is your brothers wife I say maybe give her a shot. Some people can change.

if she’s still a jerk after that, then bye bye. Lol

Post # 9
1178 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I have been in a situation similar to this and no I didn’t make nice with the person.  I only talk to her (my cousin & niece) when I see them.  I’m always told that I should be the bigger person but I don’t really care.  I consider them a waste of time.

Post # 10
1371 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@FutureMrsKenward:  who knows, people change a lot in three years. For family sake, maybe give her a Chance. If she’s still unbearable and miserable then ce la vie! Some people are just not compatible with each other, relation by marriage can’t magically change that. I can see or parents expectin you to play nice to her face (that’s just the grown up thing to do) but if it turns out she’s still miserable then by all means, plan your wedding without her! 


Post # 11
1245 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Sounds like my SO’s sister in law. She is a text book narccisist and creates drama is every apect of her life and the lives of others. Whenever we are at family events I am civil towards her as I will always make it a point to be the bigger person. 

Post # 13
2851 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Oh God…. Of course you should try to keep the peace but don’t feel you have to be besties with this woman. You shouldn’t feel that she needs to be involved in your wedding. I wouldn’t even do dinner.

Personally I hate my coworker/ ex-boss… With an extreme passion. But I have to suck it up every day and play nice. I would never strike up a conversation with her though, and if I ever saw her outside of work I’d probably just ignore her LOL.

Post # 15
8385 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

The only reason I’m listening to my parents is because they are paying for our wedding and I want to make them happy.

@FutureMrsKenward:  Honestly, I’d rather pay for my own wedding than have to make nice with someone I hate.  Sorry you’re in such a bad situation, hopefully your SIL is different now.  Best of luck.

Post # 16
1666 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@FutureMrsKenward:  The girl that my SO is dating is the closest I’ve come to actually hating someone. She can be pretty immature and downright rude. She once badmouthed my SO’s mom in his parents’ house and was stupid enough to tell us who she was talking about. SO cut her down to size, lectured his big brother on not standing up for their parents (he was just sitting there), and proceeded to march me out to the car before I went apeshit on her. Oh, and she wound up banned from their house for a week after that until she apologized.

To be honest, she really isn’t a horrible person. I mean, she doesn’t go around kicking blind puppies or anything (she actually loves animals). She just has a very self-centered attention seeking attitude. If something really tiny happens to upset her pretty much everyone knows about it.

Try to look at it this way: Your brother loves her. You may not understand why, but there is something about her that drew him to her and that he fell in love with. Being civil, in my opinion, is more than enough. SO’s brother and his girlfriend are aware that neither or us like her and that we will never be friends with her. We are, however, willing to be polite and acknowledge her presence when we have to be around her. We don’t do it for her; we do it for his parents in order to keep the peace.

Could you see about spending time with her only in a group setting? I have found that it is much much easier tolerating her when there are other people to talk to and spend time with.


@RubyStar:  I agree that people change a lot with time, but not everyone does. The girl my SO’s brother is dating has been the same exact person she is now since we were 3 (and yes, we have known each other that long). I do agree that maybe it would be worth it to give her a chance though. You never know.

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