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Maybe your mom doesn't realize how expensive everything else is. I would tell her that she needs to push the date back, because you will be in a tight spot financially after the wedding. Then if she asks why, you can go into more detail. Unless she's willing to help you out more, the only option would be for her to push the date back or cancel the whole thing.
Yikes. We were gifted a hotel room but the gift was done with my consent (if that makes sense). My aunt wanted to pay for our hotel room because she is in a vacation club so she showed me a bunch of options because she knew I loved Disney. We had to pay for our flights and tickets but if we had to pay for the room it would have been too much. We thought about going to Hawaii or somewhere in Europe but the cost associated was too great so we went with Disney.
I can see where you wouldn't want to appear as ungrateful but...it does seem a little inconsiderate of your mom to gift you something you can't afford to use. Maybe she didn't realize it. Can you make any changes? Talk to her about the additional costs?
Oh man, that would stink! What a tough situation! Can you talk to your mom and let her know about the extra cost and while you appreciate it, its not in your budget right now? Maybe talk to a travel agent to see if you can get a cheaper flight?
Yes, I would talk to your mom and tell her just what you wrote here--that you are so grateful for the gift but just can't afford to go so soon. Maybe she will split the cost of the flight/resort fee with you or gift it to you or give you an interest-free loan. But being forthcoming is the best tactic to avoid hurt feelings on her part and stress on yours.
FI's dad gave us the ticket to Spain!! (yay!) but, we have to pay for the hotel hahhaha I think we are likely on the same situation 'cuz now we're searching for comfortable/not expensive hotels!
My SIL is paying for the rental of our private villa in St Lucia. We have to pay the flight fees and for activities. But we don't care. We're grateful she was gracious enough to pay for the villa
Here is the deal with my mom. She is a little..... put in a nice way. Difficult. I asked her if we could move it to maybe a few weeks after the wedding, or maybe into June. And she gave me a rant about "how I dont appreciate it, and I might as well just rip it up and spit in her face" I SWEAR she says these things. I explained that I LOVED the gift, we just cant afford it. And she says "well maybe HIS family should pay for it" She LOVES to throw jabs about his family not helping.
Its basically impossible talking to her. When I got my DOC, bc honestly, who wants to stress on THAT day, making sure everything is in the right place. She thought it was a personal attack at her, and that I didnt want her to be apart of my wedding. EVEN THOUGH I explained that it was bc I didnt want her to be worried either.
Yes, I have dealt with this for 25 years and Im pretty much done with it. Its exhausting!!!
I am just hoping we can push it back and then have FINGERS CROSSED some wedding money to go towards it. And then it can be a summer vacation (wedding in May).
@mrscheetos Thats the thing. We are SO grateful!!! We just need time to save up to pay for it. I cant just pull that amount out and pay for it, neither can FI. If it were an ANYTIME thing, GREAT!!!! But its not. So, that sucks. Plus, I just feel like I need to cut even FURTHER back on the wedding in order to pay for it. And that kinda stinks.
@MeganTacky2247: Your mom sounds like someone in my family, lol. I know how tough it can be to talk to them without making them think you're blaming them or you're being ungrateful. Just try to be as nice as you can be about it and hopefully she'll understand.
@Bichon Frise Its SO irritating!! lol. I hate FEELING like a bad guy, even though i know that im not. If reasoning was in her vocabulary then everything would always be decent. haha.
But, Im going to attempt to explain things to her. Just move it back 1 month. thats all. Im PRAYING that we can save up 2K extra by then, if not. Then we are just S.O.L. I guess. But I dunno. I dont really know what else to do.
@MeganTacky2247: That is a really tricky situation! Are the resort fees due ahead of time or can you pay them when you get there? Do you think you will get a few cash gifts before or at the wedding that you could put toward the resort fees?
My parents gave us $4000 for a honeymoon... but then they required that we use their completely useless travel agent to book the thing. This lady has spelled my name incorrectly on every single document she has sent me so far - and she's spelled it in a NEW incorrect way each time. On top of that, she doesn't offer many options that aren't beach vacations, and we definitely did NOT want a beach vacation. She was awful. When I mentioned that to my mom, she got really upset and told me that I was an ungrateful brat.
@GreenEyedMoon That really sucks!!! See, your grateful, BUT - just not 100% on board with what your mom wants. It really does kinda stink that they dont understand. And if I were you, and that were "my" travel agent, id be throwing a fit!!! I really hope you guys find something that works for you!!! Good Luck!!!
@GreenEyedMoon: sorry but I think that You should be more gratefull for your parent's gift and try to re explain and talk to that weird lady on the travel agency OR be nice to your parents and tell them you both want a non-beach honeymoon which is the only thing that travel agency offers and I'm sure they'll understand if you ask to change from agent.
@MeganTacky2247: We finally did find a trip to Costa Rica which, though not my perfect trip, will be lots of fun. We leave in ten days! I really could have gone without dealing with this lady, though. The travel agent was AWFUL. I wanted to punch her almost every time I saw a new email.
@GreenEyedMoon GOOD!! yes, you will have fun. And just make sure you NEVER deal with that lady again!! lol.
@Over the Moon We have to pay the fees a week before, if I am remembering correctly. Thats why FI and I want to push it back to June maybe. So we will take whatever we get from the wedding (hopefully some cash) Not 100% or anything, but we are hoping. BUT, we plan on taking that, and whatever else we can manage to save. Im looking at what I can cut out of the wedding so that we can have that money towards the honeymoon.
Which when I think about it. I have such mixed emotions. I mean, we KNEW that we couldnt afford a honeymoon after paying for the wedding. So we were just gonna take a little road trip somewhere, or just stay in a B&B for 1 or 2 nights. Then take a bigger vacation later. UGH. Im so grateful to my mother, but she has really put me in a hard situation. Which she loooooves to do!
Why not explain the situation to your mom and ask her to front you the fees since they need to be paid before the wedding with the agreement that you will re-imburse her the fees with the wedding money (and if there isn't enough to cover the cost - then have the agreement outline terms for re-payment...like within 6 months any additional costs not refunded with wedding money will be paid to her)?
@Heartbee: try using vrbo.com ... that is where I found amazing apartments to stay at in Barcelona and Madrid last year. SO much better than the hotels and so much cheaper.
YESSS I totally get you
we received a time share vacation (kinda weird concept) .... it's awful we have to sell it because we can't use it... so DH looked into it and discovered the people who gave it to us have to sell it in their name because it's technically theirs until someone uses it.
we can't afford to travel to ANY of the vacation spots and even if we could, we can't afford to pay for food, etc during our stay. it's pretty much useless. :(
We told them that when the 'gift' was in planning stages and they gave it to us anywya. So now we're stuck with a week's worth of a stay we can't afford. best of luck, hopefully it works out for you guys
@MisssPumpkinBarry That really stinks!!! Maybe you guys can push it back to a different time or something and "fingers crossed" save for it, or use your wedding money.
I think the concept is a great idea for people to give that as a gift, as long as the gift receivers are able to pay for everything else involved.
@MeganTacky2247: exactly!! I have no idea why anyone would give a gift like that to people who can't pay for the rest. :/ honestly I find it a bit thoughtless to give half a gift at all. :/
we may use it for a europe fund haha. Our 20 ish year plan is to go there eventually.
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A**!!!!
So, FI and I are doing the wedding totally on our own basically. My grandpa helped a bit. But that was in part bc gpa gave me a 75 person GL. Which has needed to be cut. BUT - Its still a LOT on FI and I. Our parents arent helping, at all. Which is fine.
SO - for christmas my mom gave us a HONEYMOON!! Which is fantastic!! We are estatic!!! Its almost like a time share. She has bought (rented) the actual condo and the fees and stuff. Its at Rodney Bay Villiage, St. Lucia. However, she said that we had to pay for the flight. GREAT! (and trust me, please dont think that we arent thankful for this, this is great!!!)
Flight, ok. We have been researching, and we have found round trip for both of us for $800 i think it was. However - the catch. We also have to pay the RESORT fees. Ya know, those all inclusive fees (that will indeed pay off in the end) However, they add up to be about 1,200.00ish.
so, thats about 2K. Which, im 100% sure is worth it for a week and a half at a resort. HOWEVER, we DO NOT have an extra 2K in our budget just laying around. She already booked it for the Monday after the wedding. So, I have been trying to get it moved around maybe.
Its not that im not grateful, I truly truly am. But, we just cant afford this. PLUS< FI has to go get his Passport and everything and Im sure Ill want to do the fun honeymoon shopping.
Its just not in the budget. We are gonna make it work somehow. But now its just adding MORE stress that i DO NOT need. In any way shape or form do I need more stress!!!
Anyone else having something like this?? I dont want to say "issue" bc its an amazing present. But, ya know. Still cant afford that present. lol.