anyone get frustrated with FI's lack of interest in planning at times?

posted 2 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 2
42101 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

future.mrs.koban:  It doesn’t bother me.He’s just not that into it. Just like I am not into fly tying.

Post # 3
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Very rarely. I’m honestly more often thankful he’s laid back and I can do what I want 😉

Post # 4
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Sometimes it got to me.   I don’t think DH cared.  3 months into an 18 month run up he was telling people we were almost done and declining help.  He just had NO clue what was involved.  I sat him down and told him I needed help and he did step up.  BUT with that help he also started with the opinions and then I was mad he cared and he was trying to complicate a project like our menus by ten fold.  Near the end he was more involved (mostly because I was nearing homicidal levels of stress) he was stressed with me rather than being supportive and helping me destress.   Either way,  I don’t think I was happy lol. 


Post # 5
5188 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

It didn’t bother me.  DH, like many men, was not interested in wedding planning, which was fine with me.  My only expectations were for him to show up for the wedding on time, wearing the clothes I picked for him, which he did 🙂

Post # 6
4638 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Does he know it bothers you? Maybe he’s letting you make all of the decisions because he thinks thats what you want, or because he truly doesn’t know how much work it is.

My FI was defaulting to me on everything until I told him that its exhausting to pour through hundreds of pictures of things without any input from the other host of the party. Ever since then, he’s on the ball and will even email me things out of the blue. Its kind of cute getting an email about a centrepiece he sought out and liked.


Post # 9
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Stick to a basic task list.  DH wasn’t able to get an idea and run with it but responded well with basic or repetitive tasks. 

DH did vendor contact for one.  He contacted everyone on the lead up and made sure payments got sent and there was no last minute logistics.  He got a list from me and had to report back with it at the end of the day.   It was like he was my employee honestly but get got a bunch done in this system.   I had to accept he wouldn’t stay motivated and that was up to me to keep him on task or forget about his help. 

Another thing that worked was “I’m to stressed for sex,  maybe if you help me get the programs done I’ll be a bit more relaxed and can think about it”.   It wasn’t intended as manipulation as it was true but it certainly worked.

Post # 10
2501 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

future.mrs.koban:  Just tell him you want him to come with to give you input/ help decide things.

Some men think that they are helping by letting you decide everything where in reality for some people it makes it harder

Tell him he is making it harder on you by not contributing especially since you are so close to the actual wedding. My FI is the same way but now that we are 5/6 weeks out I dont have time for the ‘whatever you want’ nonsense lol!

Post # 12
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - Temple Beth Am/Love is Blind

future.mrs.koban:  Definitely! He is allegedly interested, but takes no initiative and almost never follows up with what I’ve asked him to discuss with me, just sort of nods.  It’s pretty frustrating.

Post # 13
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

The thing that gets to me is that my FI will say he doesn’t care, but once I give him a few options to pick from he suddenly cares a lot and has tons of opinions!  I guess because he never thought about wedding planning before, he doesn’t realize how much he will care until he’s in the situation.  We’ve made a list of things we need to make decisions on, and when we’re ready to decide on something we set a time to sit down and go over my research on it together.  For example, we need to pick Save the Dates soon.  We’ve decided to do it this weekend.  I’ll pick out some designs I really like, then we’ll sit down together and choose our top pictures and the best design.<br />

You just need to accept whatever his level of interest is and then figure out what system works best for the two of you. I know it can feel really personal when your FI doesn’t seem interested in your wedding since it is about the two of you, but it’s the same as when you aren’t interested in which new tv to buy and he does tons of research and wants to discuss it.  Not everyone enjoys researching every topic.

Post # 14
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

future.mrs.koban:  It was a little upsetting at first but I got over it because I can do whatever I want. Although my fiance is willing to go to the vendor meetings (most of our vendors require us to both sign the contract). After hearing that my friend’s fiance basically tells her no to a lot because he doesn’t want to spend like any money, I was really relieved that my fiance just let me do what I want. Besides, my fiance has already told me the wedding is really just for me. To him, it doesn’t matter if we have a big wedding, small wedding, or a courthouse wedding as long as we’re married.

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