Post # 1
Well i hope this all doesnt come out the wrong way..
we are getting married in just over 2 weeks – all our family and friends that we havent seen in ages are travelling to us for it so they will be all away from home for a week or so.
My sister in law to be is pregnant with twins and is now not coming to the wedding as she was put on bed rest last week.. which was a big shame as we havent seen them for so long but of course we understand.
Now we got bad news that she will most likely have her babies at about 28 weeks due to complications, which means she’ll have them any time now. It would be so awful and scary for them and i just feel horrible.. i know they’re in the best care and theres nothing anyone of us can do, but of course we feel bad.
However part of me also feels shitty now about our wedding & that there will be a big dark cloud over the day. I know her mum will be constantly worried about her as well as everyone else (which i of course understand!!) and i think people will leave early now so we wont get as much time with everyone. It must sound so selfish of me but i know its going to impact our day, and we’ll never get it back.
i just wish it wasnt too late and we could have postponed it until everything was ok 🙁 Well actually I just wish it wasnt happening to her at all.. shes wanted kids for so long and now she finally has the chance, if anything were to happen I dont think she’d cope.. its so sad
anyone else get married at a hard family time? how was it and how did you deal with it??
any advice would be appricated!
Post # 3
My cousin got married the day before our grandfather’s funeral. People did miss him there and there were definitely tearful moments, but it was actually REALLY nice to take a break from all the sadness and stress and celebrate with our family.
I would have your Fiance talk to his mom and see how she’s feeling about it. I bet she wants the best for both her kids and will be glad to have time to focus on the good things in life. And I bet Future Sister-In-Law would feel worse if the wedding was postponed.
Post # 4
This isn’t quite the same, but two of my bridesmaids got pregnant at exactly the same time, same due date, due a little over 5 weeks after the wedding. One is my soon-to-be sister-in-law.
SIL lost the baby at 20 weeks (which is classified as a stillbirth). It was AWFUL. And she still is in the wedding, standing next to the other girl who has continued on in her pregnancy.
It’s not quite the same, but I really worried about it when it happened. I thought she might have to drop out of the wedding, someone asked me how I’d feel if she didn’t come at all, everything seemed to be so sad. However, I have found the wedding has given something positive for people to focus on and to set aside their cares about that a bit. SIL has been awesome at asking about the wedding, staying positive, powering through situations where she had to see the other Bridesmaid or Best Man – and I think other people are taking her lead.
I hope that all goes as well as possible for your SIL and that everyone is able to handle both being happy and excited for you and worried for her. I think you may be surprised.
Post # 5
I am so sorry about your SIL.
I am getting married in a week. My parents anounced 4 weeks ago they have broken up. some people know, some dont and now they are trying to tell everyone who knows not to talk about it at the wedding so everyone who doesnt know wont find out. My dad then told me he wont be coming to the wedding or giving me away and he hasnt spoken to me since. My parents are still on speaking terms as I have younger siblings so my mum has apparently talked him into coming, but Im still not sure if he will give me away.
It can be stressful and sad but you just have to remember that at the end of the day you will still be marrying the love of your life. It might be hard and I know I will feel guilty about celabrating my marrige when my family are going through a hard time but I feel some people welcome a wee breck from such sadness, if that makes sense?!
Post # 6
FI’s parents got divorced last summer after 40 years of marriage! It’ll be about a year since the divorce, but I’m still freaking out about it! The worst part is neither my Fiance nor his three brothers have talked to him since. FI’s dad isn’t even invited, but I know his mother will still feel the sting of sitting there “alone”.
Who knows, maybe I’m the only one freaking out and she’ll be just fine. I just remember last summer when FI’s oldest brother got married and the dj asked to have the bride’s and groom’s families dance with their SO’s she danced with her oldest grandson and halfway through the slow dance she ran off the dance floor in tears! I wanted to die I felt so sad for her. =(
I really wanted to display old wedding pics of family, but feel like it would just be a slap in the face to her. She is quite literally the only single woman on FI’s side of the family. My heart hurts for her….
Post # 7
My grandmother died 3 weeks before my wedding after a long and horrible illness.
The family had split in two, one half not speaking to the other. My aunt slammed my mom’s hand in a door at the hospital, breaking it in 3 places. My mom spent the 3 days leading up to my wedding screaming at me, she was in such a dark place with her grief and family falling apart (and then officiated).
They waited to have the funeral until 10:30 am the morning after my wedding, since everyone was flying in and couldnt fly in twice.
It can ALWAYS get worse.
Post # 8
It could be such a happy time.. wedding and twins!
I didn’t get married at a troubled family time. My younger brother did, they got married 2 weeks after our older brother died. He had moved back home when we were kids and his kids grew up with us, so we were very close, his kids are more like siblings. He was diagnosed with liver cancer June 2 and died Aug 12, our younger brother got married two weeks later.
It was so hard to get thru the funeral, he and his wife had an oops child late and she was only 9 when he passed away. The wedding was probably the best thing ever for our family. We had all the same people at both events. Our friends and family were there for us in an awful time, and two weeks later we got to celebrate a wonderful time for our family. My younger brother said a few words about our older brother at a toast, just that he knew he was there watching, knew that he wanted this wedding/marriage, and knew our older brother would have been upset if he’d postponed.
I wouldn’t feel bad about the timing of your wedding, you’re giving the family something to celebrate, and celebrations are important!!!
Post # 9
Wow, how scary for your SIL. I hope it will all work out okay for her and the babies. But I do agree with @lia that during a difficult time, it can actually be nice to find something to celebrate.
My mother told me her cancer was terminal around the time we got engaged, and we rushed the wedding to make sure she could attend. I was worried her illness would be a “black cloud” for me and for my family and on our minds all day, but I was just grateful to be married and have something as positive in my life as being wedded to the love of my life. I think it was good for my family to celebrate something happy, too. And maybe you can connect her to the ceremony via Skype so she has something to do while on bedrest?
And now I will show my cheesy colors with a quote that became my favorite while planning a wedding during troubled family times: “Happiness can be found in even the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”
Post # 10
I am so sorry for what you’re going through and I understand what your feeling.
On one hand you want the best for your SIL, but you also don’t want to lose guests for your wedding when it is so close to the date!
I don’t think that is selfish at all, I think these are normal feelings, and a way for your mind to process it’s emotions of your SIL with mixing in the stresses of the “what if’s” of your wedding day which almost every bride has, especially during a difficult time in the family.
I agree with what one of the bee’s said where your Fiance can talk to his mom, and get her perspective on what is going on, and maybe that can calm your nerves on your sister, and other things.
We are getting married during a difficult time in my FI’s side of the family. His mother died in Nov. 2011, and ever since then one of his brother’s has gone out of his way to torment my Fiance, and now has the family on the war path against me, and him. It sucks to be hated by such a large family for things we don’t even know about! We’ll be sending out the invites in April so we’ll see how much they truly hate us. :/
Post # 11
My parents are in the process of getting divorced, and I’ll be getting married at the end of the year. It feels very very strange.
Post # 12
FI’s cousin got married after the bride’s sister disappeared on her college campus and several ex-bfs were being questioned in her murder. She’s still missing and the bride’s parents were incredibly depressed, understandably.