- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
In my opinion, absolutely not.
My cousin wanted an adults only wedding and reception and my grandmother hit the roof. Then a few of my uncles announced that they wouldn't be attending if their kids/grandkids couldn't attend. Yeesh. On the one hand, they (uncles etc) felt that having children at the wedding was awas very important part of the kid's upbringing. On the other I feel they should have recognized that this wasn't about them.
Anyhoo, getting back to you, the typical rule is that you can do whatever you want, just be prepared for the aftermath. In this case, you may consider including a list of reputable baby sitters in your area for those with kids, or renting a hotel room with said reputable baby-sitters and order a pizza or something.
Regardless, be prepared for some people to not attend because their kids aren't invited.
My mom is the reason we aren't inviting kids! My parents are paying for the reception and inviting kids would have been an extra 30-40 people. My mom didn't want to spend that kind of money for kids who probably would prefer mac & cheese anyway. I would love to invite kids, but alas it isn't my choice since I'm not the one shelling out the cash. Honestly, if people are going to get so out of sorts over it, I would tell them that I don't need them at my wedding. Making such a big deal out of something that their kids probably don't care about! I didn't attend many weddings as a child (maybe 3 or 4) and I remember being bored at all of them!
I agree with MissHelen. I think you should offer babysitting services and/or a room with an attendant to watch the children and have some pizza, movies, and activities geared toward the children. That way they could bring their children, but they could put them in a safe place while they are enjoying your wedding and reception. I know it is an added expense, but it would be a great compromise.
I'm with you all the way. There's a 16 or older policy at our wedding, and that's just to accomodate one of my bridesmaids (my cousin).
I have a lot of trouble with the kids in my family (mostly spoiled and then there are a couple with behavioral problems), and there are TONS of kids between the two of us, so we had to do the same thing. You know what? If people don't like it, they can stay home and deal with it. I wouldn't say hire a babysitter--if these people are local, they should have one already--and I wouldn't say stress yourself out about it. You need to tell your mom some horror stories about bratty kids ruining wedding cakes and tell her that won't be your wedding.
It bugs me when people get so offended because the type of weddings that are adult only are not the types of weddings kids should be at! There are NO railings on a dock leading out to the water at my venue, we're serving alcohol, there are woods nearby, there are going to be caterers in and out, it's a half-indoor/half-outdoor venue--need I go on?
Gahhh I don't mean to write a book but this is one thing that annoys me deeply!
I don't think that you are wrong at all! I'm having an adults only wedding (it's a cocktail party, that starts at 8pm....in a gallery-type space...seriously, not kid-friendly). We've been REALLY lucky in that people have been supportive about the idea. We only have a couple of friends who are parents and they are looking forward to a night away from their kids. We're not even inviting my FI's nephew (who will be a little over 1 years old). It's just not appropriate.
My sister, on the other hand, has had nothing but problems with having an adults only wedding. Her FSIL has threatened to bring her child, whether they are prepared to have her there or not. It's ridiculous.
I totally get having a family, child-friendly wedding. If that's what the couple wants, great. I love kids. BUT, some weddings, venues, budgets, etc. just aren't kid friendly/appropriate and parents need to understand that. The response "We would love to see you, but understand if you can't make it" comes to mind...I've told my sister this should be a standard response. :)
I agree with the other Bees; if you don't invite kids, expect that some parents can't/won't come. I can understand being hurt by your mom's response...she should have your back on this.
LaborOfLove: this is one of my pet peeves too...makes me really frustrated.
@LadyofLove thank you, I could see you get me, thanks for the advice.
@ArwenBride, thank you for that idea on how to respond. I do have to accept the fact that people won't come and I feel like maybe it was not that important to begin with for them if they choose to do so because they want to make it a point to take offense and not come to the wedding.
And btw, don't get me wrong I love kids, but weddings are not for them which is why they're usually bored out of their minds running around. And my venue is indoors and one main ballroom, there was no way I could make it kid friendly to accomodate them. Oh well. We';; see what happens.
About my mom, I'm going to ask her if she can back me up on this, if she refuses that will be the last time I talk to her about the subject. I don't want it to mess up our wedding planning vibe.
Thanks ladies!
My parents don't agree with the adult-only thing but FMIL is all for it. We're not saying that it's an adult only reception but spreading it via word of mouth. We're not going completely kid-free per my parents' wishes, but seriously limiting the number invited.
My mom and I both agree on the No-Kids policy. We aren't spending $200 per person for a 6 year old. No way, Jose. I also don't want my dance floor covered in screaming kids running around.
If people don't attend for this reason, that is fine with me. Just like they understand that I don't want kids, I understand if they can't attend because they don't want to get a babysitter.
I love receptions without children. You can't capture the same atmosphere is kids are allowed. Stick to your guns if that's what you want!
My FI sister and parents were a little upset when we let them know we weren't having any kids. They kept saying just his nieces and nephew and thats it. But that won't fly I have god children and all but one of my besti's children. So if they can't come neither can his sisters. We are having a small wedding and paying for it ourselves. Everyone has so much to say and it's not their day and they are not giving a penny or lifting a finger. We explained that we wanted the adults to enjoy themselves kid free and that we are only asking for their support. i think they understand now but either way NO KIDS ALLOWED!
I really feel for people who want an adult night reception. I understand the idea that it is a family event, etc, but that doesn't apply to cocktails by the bay at 9 pm! We have only a few young relatives (3 early teens, 2 ten-year-olds) and two friends with young children (1 2-yo and 1 4-yo) so I figure that's not enough to form a pack of craziness to really destroy things. Plus we're having it outside in the middle of the afternoon. But if I were invited to a formal night out, my (hypothetical) kids would have a babysitter whether they were invited or not! The exception, imo, is the young babies. Mothers really can't leave them for even a few hours, in many cases. I will be mentioning to the 2 new mothers I'm inviting that I'm so glad to have friends who are considerate enough to take a baby away if he's crying during the ceremony. Maybe I'll be more subtle than that, but you get the idea. In theory, not writing the childrens' names on the envelope should show they're not invited, but I guess some people don't know that.
I think your mom is really out of line. She should have your back on this and should be telling your aunts/uncles that they can afford a babysitter for ONE night. I mean seriously, they're all local!! I had children at my wedding, but it was a morning wedding with a QUICK reception. And we had to keep everything PG rated, which is another thing to consider.
For a no-child reception I would just ask people if they would bring their kids to a five start $200 per plate restaurant? Because that is essentially what a wedding is. Or what about to a bar? Are you taking your kids to a bar?? Yeah, didn't think so. They'll get over it.
You're not wrong. We're having an adult only reception. It's an evening wedding in an upscale country club and is just not a place for children, sorry. If people really can't bother getting a babysitter for their kid(s) for one night then they don't need to come I guess.
I'm sorry, but what is so difficult about people finding a babysitter for several hours for one night with months/a year in advance? I read this all the time on the boards and have heard it from friends planning, too. I can't believe people would throw the blanket statement out that they won't come to an adults-only event. Really? like you can't go somewhere for one night without having children attached to you? it's just really pathetic to me. My friends getting married in a few weeks have had this issue with the groom's brother - they had all year to make arrangements, and now the wife isn't coming b/c they didn't want to ask their inlaws. really? I think that people need some perspective on issues like this, and to learn when to pick their battles. I would rather die than tell someone that i want them to change their wedding because I won't go without children. Pay a sitter for the night, my goodness.
OK I just don't get the parents flipping out over this subject. I have kids and would never think of bringing them against the couples wishes. Mine are only going to the ceremony and than a babysitter while we do the reception. Last thing I want to do chase after kids all night. Secondly and more important why would these parents want to drive late at night after they been drinking with their kids in the car ???? Get a babysitter, have fun and know they are safely at home.
Ignore your mom and anybody else that gives you grief. They are not paying for it, it not their wedding. Let them suck it up or not come. Seriously like they have never used a babysitter?? right ..plz pass the drama.
pss...it sounds more as if they are being cheap than anything. Wanting free food, free drinks and not paying for a sitter. Just my thought on it
My family is totally ok with the no children rule, granted most of all the children are adults but we have a few little ones. My FI family on the other hand are taking it personal have been saying that they are not coming if there are no children allowed, what are they supposed to do with their kids etc. The way we both see it is they all have advanced warning about the wedding either find sitters and come or don't come, we refuse to pay for a meal for little kids, don't want bad a** little kids running amock the decision is ultimately theirs regardless we're still getting married
thank you for all the input. I agree with everything you've written. And I also thought about that scenario, what about the events that kids are taken to, like work christmas parties, etc., kids aren't allowed at those, and they don't questions that, so why a wedding right? I wish they (parents and mymom) were as understanding as you all. And after all this, I vow to never, ever complain about my future kids not being invited to a wedding. These kids won't even remember or appreciate the wedding.
My mother isn't flipping out about a no-kids policy, but she's flipping out about pretty much everything regarding the wedding. Hang in there - its really tough. In my mom's generation, the MOB pretty much planned the whole wedding (plus my mom married really young,) so she just doesn't get it when I assert myself about something she doesn't agree with. Hang in there!
Ok so first of all, try to remain calm and breathe!! Don't you love how moms can just get under you skin? You're not wrong to feel the way that you do and she definitely shouldn't have reacted that way; however, have you considered hiring a babysitting service for your reception? If you didn't have a lot of kids in the family I would say don't worry and definitely go with the no kids policy but if there are, especially in the immediate family, I think you might want to consider that.
Personally, a lot of my FI's side will be out of town and while we don't have a lot, there are some kids and I don't want that to be a reason why someone can't come. Yea, they can get sitter but if it's immediate family, then all the normal sitters might be at your wedding. We've checked around and the services will come to reception and they have their own area, whether it's in another room (like a conference room or hotel room) and they have games, movies, food and they watch the kids for the night. This makes it conveinent because they're close by and your guests can come and not have their kids running around and you and your guests still get that adults only atmosphere.
This way, you can get your adults only and kids can still come. Consider this!! Good luck, sweetie and hang in there!! I've learned that planning a wedding can be fun but it can also bring out the worst in us!! *hugs*
stick to your guns. our wedding is NO KIDS at all policy. and im sticking to my guns.
i even had my FFIL make me cry over it - my FSIL has a little girl that is not invited - they can bring a sitter.
i really dont want to have babies either - but there are two folks htat will have kids under 12 months, they know that i would rather them not be at the ceremony and reception but if i dont hear them then i wont mind. i call them the carry babies - too young to really be left alone for 2 days. but absolutely no kids.
put your foot down. its YOUR day. they have more than enough time to find a sitter. and if its not a priority to them to accomidate you on YOUR DAY, its shouldnt be yours to make them feel better about being rude either.
come or dont come i say. :) seriously stick to your guns. :)
I'll admit, as a child, I'd be so excited to get invitations in the mail, and I'd be crushed if only mom and dad got to go.
HOWEVER, it wasn't the end of the world and my parents were sane. "KLP, sorry, but sometimes it's just this way." Then, they'd get a babysitter for my and my bro, bake a cake so we can "have our cake," and they'd get a date night.
We are doing no kids - except ceremony children. Our venue cannot accommodate the size with kids, nor is it really 'kid friendly.' Adding another 50 kids just isn't in the budget or venue description.
I'm having the same problem and I haven't even sent out the Save the Dates.
We aren't having any children under 16 save the children that are actually IN the wedding. My mother is not pleased about it and I'm fairly certain there will be people that refuse to attend due to the rule. While I think its a bummer, ultimately, this is the day for FH and I, not anybody else.
Remind your mother that it is YOUR day. Repeatedly, if necessary.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| ellisrobertson | 24 |
| fishbone | 16 |
| MsPanda | 14 |
| aduarte3201 | 14 |
| ladyartichoke | 12 |
| mypinkshoes | 12 |
| pengoala | 11 |
 sylvia.riggle |
11 |
| ShellVee | 10 |
| ndreighton | 10 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| sylvia.riggle |
5 |
| peachacid | 4 |
| Zouave | 3 |
| armychica06 | 2 |
| imageeksowhat | 2 |
| HollyCJ | 2 |
| BellaDee | 2 |
| Snoopadoop | 2 |
| zippylef | 1 |
| pharmy | 1 |
My mom mentioned since day one that she did not like our "adults only" reception, and that it would offend people. I pick up my invitations tomorrow and mention to her how our reception cards will have that indicated on them. She starts going off on how 2 of her sisters have already said that if that's the case, they will not attend the wedding, like many others. She then went on to question why am I even having a wedding if I can't invite everyone. I reminded her how we're cutting 2-3 kids PER family! That's like 50 something kids! That's too expensive, and I don't want a bunch of kids running around, they will be bored, and will be all over the place. That's not what we want.
Anyway, to make a long story short I walked out of the room to avoid more arguing. I understand that she should give me the heads up about what is expected, and I already expect that there will be a lot of controversy over this, but why can't she back me up? Instead she's making me feel like such a brat! Like how dare I make people leave their kids at home to attend my wedding. What gets me is that my aunts live locally, and their in-laws live locally, you mean to tell me that one night, someone can't watch them? Overall, it's my mom's reaction to this that upset me the most.
Am I wrong here?