Post # 1
My mom mentioned since day one that she did not like our “adults only” reception, and that it would offend people. I pick up my invitations tomorrow and mention to her how our reception cards will have that indicated on them. She starts going off on how 2 of her sisters have already said that if that’s the case, they will not attend the wedding, like many others. She then went on to question why am I even having a wedding if I can’t invite everyone. I reminded her how we’re cutting 2-3 kids PER family! That’s like 50 something kids! That’s too expensive, and I don’t want a bunch of kids running around, they will be bored, and will be all over the place. That’s not what we want.
Anyway, to make a long story short I walked out of the room to avoid more arguing. I understand that she should give me the heads up about what is expected, and I already expect that there will be a lot of controversy over this, but why can’t she back me up? Instead she’s making me feel like such a brat! Like how dare I make people leave their kids at home to attend my wedding. What gets me is that my aunts live locally, and their in-laws live locally, you mean to tell me that one night, someone can’t watch them? Overall, it’s my mom’s reaction to this that upset me the most.
Am I wrong here?
Post # 3
In my opinion, absolutely not.
My cousin wanted an adults only wedding and reception and my grandmother hit the roof. Then a few of my uncles announced that they wouldn’t be attending if their kids/grandkids couldn’t attend. Yeesh. On the one hand, they (uncles etc) felt that having children at the wedding was awas very important part of the kid’s upbringing. On the other I feel they should have recognized that this wasn’t about them.
Anyhoo, getting back to you, the typical rule is that you can do whatever you want, just be prepared for the aftermath. In this case, you may consider including a list of reputable baby sitters in your area for those with kids, or renting a hotel room with said reputable baby-sitters and order a pizza or something.
Regardless, be prepared for some people to not attend because their kids aren’t invited.
Post # 4
My mom is the reason we aren’t inviting kids! My parents are paying for the reception and inviting kids would have been an extra 30-40 people. My mom didn’t want to spend that kind of money for kids who probably would prefer mac & cheese anyway. I would love to invite kids, but alas it isn’t my choice since I’m not the one shelling out the cash. Honestly, if people are going to get so out of sorts over it, I would tell them that I don’t need them at my wedding. Making such a big deal out of something that their kids probably don’t care about! I didn’t attend many weddings as a child (maybe 3 or 4) and I remember being bored at all of them!
Post # 5
I agree with MissHelen. I think you should offer babysitting services and/or a room with an attendant to watch the children and have some pizza, movies, and activities geared toward the children. That way they could bring their children, but they could put them in a safe place while they are enjoying your wedding and reception. I know it is an added expense, but it would be a great compromise.
Post # 6
I’m with you all the way. There’s a 16 or older policy at our wedding, and that’s just to accomodate one of my bridesmaids (my cousin).
I have a lot of trouble with the kids in my family (mostly spoiled and then there are a couple with behavioral problems), and there are TONS of kids between the two of us, so we had to do the same thing. You know what? If people don’t like it, they can stay home and deal with it. I wouldn’t say hire a babysitter–if these people are local, they should have one already–and I wouldn’t say stress yourself out about it. You need to tell your mom some horror stories about bratty kids ruining wedding cakes and tell her that won’t be your wedding.
It bugs me when people get so offended because the type of weddings that are adult only are not the types of weddings kids should be at! There are NO railings on a dock leading out to the water at my venue, we’re serving alcohol, there are woods nearby, there are going to be caterers in and out, it’s a half-indoor/half-outdoor venue–need I go on?
Gahhh I don’t mean to write a book but this is one thing that annoys me deeply!
Post # 7
I don’t think that you are wrong at all! I’m having an adults only wedding (it’s a cocktail party, that starts at 8pm….in a gallery-type space…seriously, not kid-friendly). We’ve been REALLY lucky in that people have been supportive about the idea. We only have a couple of friends who are parents and they are looking forward to a night away from their kids. We’re not even inviting my FI’s nephew (who will be a little over 1 years old). It’s just not appropriate.
My sister, on the other hand, has had nothing but problems with having an adults only wedding. Her Future Sister-In-Law has threatened to bring her child, whether they are prepared to have her there or not. It’s ridiculous.
I totally get having a family, child-friendly wedding. If that’s what the couple wants, great. I love kids. BUT, some weddings, venues, budgets, etc. just aren’t kid friendly/appropriate and parents need to understand that. The response “We would love to see you, but understand if you can’t make it” comes to mind…I’ve told my sister this should be a standard response. 🙂
I agree with the other Bees; if you don’t invite kids, expect that some parents can’t/won’t come. I can understand being hurt by your mom’s response…she should have your back on this.
LaborOfLove: this is one of my pet peeves too…makes me really frustrated.
Post # 8
@LadyofLove thank you, I could see you get me, thanks for the advice.
@ArwenBride, thank you for that idea on how to respond. I do have to accept the fact that people won’t come and I feel like maybe it was not that important to begin with for them if they choose to do so because they want to make it a point to take offense and not come to the wedding.
And btw, don’t get me wrong I love kids, but weddings are not for them which is why they’re usually bored out of their minds running around. And my venue is indoors and one main ballroom, there was no way I could make it kid friendly to accomodate them. Oh well. We’;; see what happens.
About my mom, I’m going to ask her if she can back me up on this, if she refuses that will be the last time I talk to her about the subject. I don’t want it to mess up our wedding planning vibe.
Post # 9
My parents don’t agree with the adult-only thing but Future Mother-In-Law is all for it. We’re not saying that it’s an adult only reception but spreading it via word of mouth. We’re not going completely kid-free per my parents’ wishes, but seriously limiting the number invited.
Post # 10
My mom and I both agree on the No-Kids policy. We aren’t spending $200 per person for a 6 year old. No way, Jose. I also don’t want my dance floor covered in screaming kids running around.
If people don’t attend for this reason, that is fine with me. Just like they understand that I don’t want kids, I understand if they can’t attend because they don’t want to get a babysitter.
Post # 11
I love receptions without children. You can’t capture the same atmosphere is kids are allowed. Stick to your guns if that’s what you want!
Post # 12
My Fiance sister and parents were a little upset when we let them know we weren’t having any kids. They kept saying just his nieces and nephew and thats it. But that won’t fly I have god children and all but one of my besti’s children. So if they can’t come neither can his sisters. We are having a small wedding and paying for it ourselves. Everyone has so much to say and it’s not their day and they are not giving a penny or lifting a finger. We explained that we wanted the adults to enjoy themselves kid free and that we are only asking for their support. i think they understand now but either way NO KIDS ALLOWED!
Post # 13
I really feel for people who want an adult night reception. I understand the idea that it is a family event, etc, but that doesn’t apply to cocktails by the bay at 9 pm! We have only a few young relatives (3 early teens, 2 ten-year-olds) and two friends with young children (1 2-yo and 1 4-yo) so I figure that’s not enough to form a pack of craziness to really destroy things. Plus we’re having it outside in the middle of the afternoon. But if I were invited to a formal night out, my (hypothetical) kids would have a babysitter whether they were invited or not! The exception, imo, is the young babies. Mothers really can’t leave them for even a few hours, in many cases. I will be mentioning to the 2 new mothers I’m inviting that I’m so glad to have friends who are considerate enough to take a baby away if he’s crying during the ceremony. Maybe I’ll be more subtle than that, but you get the idea. In theory, not writing the childrens’ names on the envelope should show they’re not invited, but I guess some people don’t know that.
Post # 14
I think your mom is really out of line. She should have your back on this and should be telling your aunts/uncles that they can afford a babysitter for ONE night. I mean seriously, they’re all local!! I had children at my wedding, but it was a morning wedding with a QUICK reception. And we had to keep everything PG rated, which is another thing to consider.
For a no-child reception I would just ask people if they would bring their kids to a five start $200 per plate restaurant? Because that is essentially what a wedding is. Or what about to a bar? Are you taking your kids to a bar?? Yeah, didn’t think so. They’ll get over it.
Post # 15
You’re not wrong. We’re having an adult only reception. It’s an evening wedding in an upscale country club and is just not a place for children, sorry. If people really can’t bother getting a babysitter for their kid(s) for one night then they don’t need to come I guess.
Post # 16
I’m sorry, but what is so difficult about people finding a babysitter for several hours for one night with months/a year in advance? I read this all the time on the boards and have heard it from friends planning, too. I can’t believe people would throw the blanket statement out that they won’t come to an adults-only event. Really? like you can’t go somewhere for one night without having children attached to you? it’s just really pathetic to me. My friends getting married in a few weeks have had this issue with the groom’s brother – they had all year to make arrangements, and now the wife isn’t coming b/c they didn’t want to ask their inlaws. really? I think that people need some perspective on issues like this, and to learn when to pick their battles. I would rather die than tell someone that i want them to change their wedding because I won’t go without children. Pay a sitter for the night, my goodness.