Anyone had a in memory for a loved one who is no longer there at wedding?

posted 5 months ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Our wedding is not until 2018, but fiancé has a few family members that have passed away. He is plannng on wearing one of his grandfather’s ties as a tribute to him. 

We are also thinking of setting up a table with photos of loved ones and a candle, and a sign that says “This candle burns in loving memory of those who are forever in our hearts.” 

 

Post # 3
Member
2159 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

My FIL passed very suddenly in 2015 – he was perfectly healthy, then one night had a heart attack and never recovered. We got engaged about 6 months later, and got married in December 2016. As FIL’s passing is still quite fresh for DH, his mother and his sisters we decided it was best not to do anything that drew too much attention to the fact he was missing. DH is using his father’s wedding ring as his wedding ring, which I think is an absolutely beautiful way to remember him. He also wore a ring on his right hand that one of his late grandmother’s had given him before her passing. I wanted to have my late grandmother close to me, so I carried a photo of her in my bouquet. I like that the things we did were subtle – it would have been too upsetting to have anything too obvious (like an “in memory” table) I think. As it was, I had a little moment where it truly hit me that my grandmother wouldn’t be there to see me get married that made me tear up – and she passed away when I was 7.

Post # 4
Member
4021 posts
Honey bee

My FIL passed away suddenly 6 months before our wedding. We did nothing. My MIL barely got through the wedding/reception, as it was.

Post # 5
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I found a vase at a store that has a quote on it something like “in memory of those blah blah blah”. I’m going to put pink roses in it and either have it on a stand or a chair at the ceremony and bring it to the reception 

Post # 6
Member
5330 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

We just put names in our programs. While it’s lovely to remember, it’s also an already emotional day. We didn’t want to upset anyone or have anyone surprised by something upsetting. So we chose to remember in a more private way. 

Post # 7
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

We are having a catholic ceremony, and mentioning lost loved ones in the program and during Prayer of the Faithful.  In addition, we are having family wedding photos on our guest book table. So rather specific people’s photos, it is about celebrating our families’ love, especially since grandmother cannot attend due to Alzheimer’s, but we wanted her to be honored.  

Post # 8
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

None of my grandparents are still living.  My mother’s parents?  My grandpa died when I was very young and my grandma and I were never, um, cordial acquaintances at best.  My paternal grandparents, though?  They were great.  Rowdy and fun.  So at the reception, at some point early on, we’ll play a video clip of my grandparents at my first birthday – when I turned one, my dad got access to an in-home video camera, a big deal in those days, and wanted to document the family musical history.  So there was my grandpa singing with his guitar and my grandmother, utterly tone deaf, shouting “POO POO” in the “Ooo Ooo” bits of Josef Marais’ “Ay-round the corner”, where he’d thrown in a big yodeling break and one of my great uncles played the balalaika.  It’s three minutes that sums up that whole bit of the family – goofy, fun, and conveniently on tape. 🙂  All dead!  It’s sad.  Well, some of my grandmother’s sisters are still alive, and they’re the main reason we’re having a wedding with a reception.  Give them one last great hurrah.

None of them would have cared for something too sentimental.  Better to have a quick glimpse of them both healthy and happy, singing their silly song with a throng of now-long-dead relatives behind them.

Post # 9
Member
4812 posts
Honey bee

septemberdaisy :  

I’m not for ‘in memory’ tables or empty chairs etc, too potentially upsetting and probably not what they would have liked, ie making sadness at my wedding . Wearing something/carrying something is what I prefer.

Post # 10
Member
4812 posts
Honey bee

septemberdaisy :  

I lost my mum ten years ago right now too, so my sympathies are especially with you,

Post # 11
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

septemberdaisy :  my dad passed away 8 years ago, and to be honest I was an absolute mess at the thought that he wouldn’t be there (as I am with every other big event). I didn’t want anything that was too obviously a memorial, but for the seating plan I used a multi-photo frame, and had photos of other weddings… including mum and dads (in one of the more prominent places), so that we could remember the good rather than dwell on the fact that he wasn’t there. I also didn’t want to turn it into a conversation starter…

The only other thing that we did, was in my speech I thanked DH’s parents, and in DH’s speech he thanked mum and dad and acknowledged that my dad would have loved to have been there. That was the only time I cried on the wedding day, and I was so glad that we didn’t do anything else like a spare seat or anything.

Post # 12
Member
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

septemberdaisy :  We had an entire dia de los muertos style table- with pictures of all our deceased loved ones, candles, flowers, etc. I also pinned a picture of my mom on my bouquet along with a locket from deceased grandparents. Our officiant had a moment of silence in the ceremony. That was it. The table with pictures was a big hit. 

Post # 13
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

My MIL passed away a few months before our wedding.  We just put a line on the bottom of our program under where we listing our parents names, that said, “In loving memory of Jane Doe– Mother of the Groom”

Post # 14
Member
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

The only wedding I’ve been to that had something was a friends wedding a few years ago.  Her mother passed away a few months before and she ahd a favourite photograph of her next to the cake.  It was subtle enough but it was so sweet.

Post # 15
Member
2240 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

FI wants to have a tribute of his grandparents who raised him. We’ve both lost close loved ones, and I feel that if we put pictures out it would be of about 8 people and would be too sad to have at a happy occasion. Especially since my uncles passing is still very raw I would not want to upset anyone in my family. So, what I’m doing is dedicating a song at the reception to those who couldn’t be there with us. We haven’t decided that exact song, but I was thinking maybe of “See you again” by wiz khalifa and charlie puth.

Also, for FI since he was so close to his grandparents, I have uncovered their wedding photo and I am having cuff links made with their wedding photo on them. That will be my wedding gift to him, so that they will be walking him down the aisle and dancing with him at the reception.

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