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I'm worry, I had guest that responded "yes", but last min cancelled. The wedding is this friday and i'm freeking out. Is this normal? People told me it happens.
yeah it does. We had a whole family cancel last minute (on a WEdn for a Sat wedding) for an impromptu family vacay. My husband was kinda pissed (his family)
We also had like 4 or 5 "oh i'll be there!" then they never showed. as far as I know, only one person had a truly good reason--her son was in the ER! Everyone else just poofy disappeared or something. Things happen I guess! I'm one of those people that when something goes on my calendar, I GO, i dont' "trade" events for other things.
I meant if they let me know earlier that'll be fine, but after I paid and everything then tells me they can't make it. That's mess up! I don't blame your husband, i know how he feels.
I think about 40% of my guests didn't show! I was pissed. I even had two RSVP's in the final week before my wedding and I was stressing about the numbers pushing well over 100. Little did I know, that I really didn't need to worry about too many people but instead I should have worried about overspending on way too many favors, food, cake, and alcohol for those guests that ended up not coming.
You never will know a final guestlist until they're there unfortunately.
I think there's no stopping it - someone's bound to flake. I wouldn't stress it too much. Easier said than done, right?
i remember about 18months ago as we (i was a BM) were walking to the cars to go to the church the brides phone rang with a cancellation - basically the guy thought it was too nice a day to go to a family thing and cancelled his 2 seats
i think getting some on the day cancellations is the norm these days - rude but sadly the norm
@hcitton... 40%!!!!!!!! thats seriously ****ed up
Yes, unfortunately it is normal to have people not show up even after reserving a yes.
Of the guests that did not show up there was only 1 that I noticed. It was my friend from HS. Before the wedding, I didn't receive a text or a phone call with her reasoning as to why she wasn't there. She is the only friend I have known for a decade and she didn't come to any of the bridal events so I was a little down. When I returned home after the wedding, I found an email from her explaining that she contract MRSA the week of the wedding. YIKES! That would explain why she wasn't there and I am OK with that, I just wished she would have called me. Oh well!
At least you've gotten some notice for the cancellations. We had about 10 people RSVP yes and just didn't show up. No notice, no follow up afterward, nothing.
My sister had a few people not show up to her weddding who RSVP'd, but it was only like 1 or 2 couples. My Mom noticed right away because she was super-on top of things and had gone through all the trouble of memorizing everyone's names and relationship to the couple. I thought that was kind of messed up, they didn't even have a reason.
Also, my friend had a couple not show up b/c they were fighting. I was like - I might be a littlie niave b/c I'm not married yet, but what married couple fights so bad that they have to miss a wedding?? I mean, can't you agree to disagree for a few hours and suck it up? My fiance and I fight sometimes but it's NEVER bad enough to miss something and usually resolved within a few minutes.
I had this happen with one person. My boss had RSVPd for 2, but at the last minute, their sitter fell through and her husband had to stay home with her son. Luckily, she let me know about a week in advance and I was able to make the change with the caterer.
@ eloping: no kidding! And A LOT of people were late so for the first hour I was thinking the thing was going to be a huge disaster. My aunt and uncle got food poisoning, my good friend/co worker had to end up working, etc, my other close friend "thought" she couldn't bring her kids even though her invite clearing said "and family"... good grief.
I think we had about 5 or 6 people who didn't show. A couple people got sick, one guy couldn't get out of work. I know the money adds up, but I think its something that just happens some times.
I'm suprised 40% of yours didn't show though, hcritton! That's just nuts!!
We didn't have any last-minute cancellations, but we did have two no-shows (who had childcare issues) and a couple who had to scoot out in the middle of dinner (again, childcare issues).
We had 185 RSVP yes (we only invited about 160, which tells you how many people decided to add their entire family to the invitation...my mom thought it would be rude to say no) and then only about 140 show up. I was pissed...I had increased the servings on our cake and the food quantity at the last minute because all these people had said they would be there. We also had to add five tables (which includes the chair covers and new centerpieces). Basically these extra people cost us quite a bit more money. There were probably about 15 to 20 people who only came to the ceremony. I couldn't believe that people would be so passive about it.
I didn't have anyone that told me only a week ahead of time, but I did have two couple just not show up at all! i was really disappointed, becuase I noticed the escort cards still left on the table halfway through the night. We also had a couple of unexpected guests so it almost evened out at the end of the night.
Usually at every wedding I attend, I see the place cards of guests sitting lonely on the card table. I'd say anywhere from 5-10 people don't show. I think I read once that there's a 1% no show rate.
It can be anything from illness, to personal emergency, to forgetting! I suppose with any party, it's bound to happen (unfortunately!)
I've always heard you can expect about 80% of those invited to actually show up (that's including those who RSVP yes, and then last minute do that kinda vacation deal). It Happens!
We had four people cancel at the last minute (for good reasons) and three people that didn't show up (including grooms father) without so much as a phone call...
@eloping -That's pretty bad. i don't think I would've been very nice to that person on the phone!
I can't believe people do this. I have only no showed once and it wasn't even a no show. I woke up really sick (stomach flu) the day I was supposed to attend my friend's wedding 2 hours away. I phoned the bride and she called me back really pissed off. She just didn't believe me or would not accept my being sick as an excuse, but she never spoke to me again:-(
We didn't have any "cancellations" but we had people just PLAIN not show up, i.e. never notified us that they wouldn't be coming. There were 4 people that didn't show, one was a "+ guest" who according to my husband's friend said she was sick; I had never met her before. Two of them were my grandma's sister and brother-in-law, who I probably haven't seen since I was 5, and she forced me to invite! I was so upset when I had to invite them in the first place because she called me right before I was mailing the invites out and I didn't have any extras left so I had to order additional paper/supplies since I DIYed my invites (it was either order extra or give them one of the two I wanted to keep for ourselves!)
So after I invited them, they didn't RSVP until I had to have my dad contact my grandma to see if they were coming because they missed the deadline... I got their card late saying they were coming. Then they don't even show up! The real kicker for me was that I went and figured out cost/guest after they didn't show and just for the minimum- them to sit, have something for them to eat on, eat, drink, and have dessert was $52.51 per PERSON (which isn't even the "true" cost/guest, IMO, as there were other things that were variable as well)! So I wasted $105.02 on these people I was forced to invite who never showed. Back to the kicker... they only gave us a $20 check!!!!! *enraged*
The 4th person that didn't show was my own grandfather! There is this big family feud between my mom's side of the family as my grandma recently had a stroke and 1 of my mom's sister wanted to put her in a home and then started telling my grandfather that my mom and the rest of the siblings are just there for him because they want an inheritance... blah blah... so my mom did not want me to invite my aunt, uncle and their 2 daughters/their husbands and children (ended up being 10 people). So my grandfather, who was supposed to be coming, did not end up coming because he was mad at my mom for not inviting her sister. Long story...
Anyways... ugh! I knew it would happen, but it sucks after I figured out how much it cost. Plus after adding in the other variable costs (programs, escort boxes, menus, chair covers, etc.) the real cost/guest is $72.57 ($290.28!!) which was wasted.
We had 4 people who RSVP'd yes and didn't come. Two called me that morning to say they were sick, and two just never showed up. Monday after the wedding, my MIL called her friend (the no-word no-show): she had a panic attack, made it all the way to the venue, but freaked out and had to go home. It was sad enough that none of us could even be upset.
All in all, 4 people is not so bad though.
Surprisingly, just about everyone who RSVPed yes for the wedding showed up , but I estimate at least 20 did not attend the reception! Luckily I was too wrapped up in the wedding to care at the time. I don't know whether it was because we stated "light refreshments" on the invitations or what. I thought we had a nice spread for it not being a sit-down dinner. The feed-back we got about the simple reception we had afterwards was that it was very pleasant indeed. Even more people who RSVPed yes for the pig roast the next day didn't show up! I was more in a frame of mind to notice that we had way too much pig and beer left over. Definitely could have saved some money with both the reception and the pig roast had we known of the cancellations in a timely manner!
We had 5. 3 real flake-outs, 1 family pressure thing (told her MIL she'd take a roadtrip with her, then the only weekend MIL could do it was our wedding weekend) and 1 family emergency.
I'm getting a bit frustrated already--and our wedding hasn't even happened yet. One person had been invited with his wife, but asked permission to invite someone else as well. We agreed to this, and then today he wrote to say that none of them could come. Separately, a guest today asked if she could bring a SO, because another person who had RSVPed yes for a SO was not going to be bringing the SO. (Why does another guest know this, and we don't?)
And these are only the ones we know about. I have visions of showing up on the day to find hardly anyone there.
I was definitely surprised by the number of last-minute cancellations. We only had 4, but I really don't get RSVPing yes to a party and then not coming, unless there's a true emergency. One guy told us he had football tickets instead. Umm... thanks? :)
At my FI's best friend's wedding, they had about 25 people that didn't show up. The bride was so angry about all the food she paid for and no one ate, especially since none of the people told them they weren't coming, they just didn't show.
Everyone who RSVP'd showed except one couple where the husband was really sick - but they called to let me know they couldn't make it. I would be pretty upset if anyone who RSVP just didn't plain show up, that is so rude!
At my sister's wedding about 20 ppl didn't show up, all on my dad's side. So I fully expect that to happen to us as well. People are rude.
I actually was a no-show at a wedding once, shame on me. We live in LA and I left with 2 hours to make it to the ceremony accounting for 'normal' LA traffic.....got stuck in exceptional traffic, so missed that. 1 1/2 hours into the reception....still in traffic. So I just decided not to go, I was still probably a good hour away or more if the traffic didn't let up. So things happen, even if it's not a 'good' excuse like being stricken with H1N1...
I think it's more offensive to call to cancel the day before (or day of) than just not show. Because it's not as if the bride can do anything about it, the food and everything is already paid for. As if calling to cancel the day before helps anything....it would just stress me out more before the wedding.
Not uncommon. Especially during Flu season. I had about 20 people missing from the wedding but they all were extremely sick.
I disagree with not calling. If nothing else, someone can bring a friend or the bride can ask that the meals be boxed up in advance. CALL as soon as you know you cannot make it!
ha! I'd love to have somebody ring me on my wedding day. They'd hear my voicemail. That's it. Unless they are there or are my grandparents (and I'm still praying they can come.)
But they can call a friend or a planner or someone! If you left a VM, at least I know that you tried and I wouldnt have to despise you for the rest of my life. (though I probably still will Muahahahaha)
I think that if someone calls right before the wedding saying they're not coming, that is one more thing to bother you and stress you out while you're getting ready. I think it's good to call AFTERWARD, like, after the couple get back from their honeymoon to apologize. But ya....I would rather just go 'oh Jack and Jill aren't here' than to be dwelling on them not coming before I even get married. Just my .02
the only exception to that would be someone really important. Like bridesmaids, parents, grandparents, favorite friends/relatives.....or the Groom!!!
I guess it's different for different weddings. So for me, since there are so many people invited that I am not super close with, I wouldn't want them calling. But if it's a small wedding with only very important people....then yes a call would be appreciated.
We had four or five no shows... what was really bad though was the call I got from my sister twenty minutes before ceremony. She left a message on my voicemail telling me that she and my bil "felt crappy" and weren't coming. No explanation, no sorry, no nothing. We live in the same town, it would have been a twenty minute drive for them. Granted we haven't been getting along in recent months, but this was their chance to finally pull their heads out of their asses and act like adults... whoa, little vent there. I'm still really pissed about it.
We lost four guests out of roughly 145. One got pink eye, one husband/wife pair (that included one of our ushers! So sad!) had their flight cancelled because of bad weather and couldn't get re-booked on a timely flight, and the last was the fiance of a friend...who had broken up with him a week earlier. Oy. I bounced up to my friend as we were dismissing the rows and asked brightly, "Where's So-and-So?" She hurriedly explained that she had ended the engagement on the previous Sunday and wanted to tell me, but didn't want to stress me out so close to the wedding. I had a million questions but didn't have time for serious girl talk - I had to dismiss the rest of the rows! It was awkward for everyone.
At least they called you! We had 3 guests (2 of which were family) not show up and NEVER, to this day, explained why they didn't make it.
We also had 10 people not show. Our wedding was relatively small and so it was definitely noticeable that there were so many empty chairs. Their loss!
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