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Airlines go by a 10% no show rule, so they overbook. Once in a while they get caught; but, generally, it is a rule of thumb which does work. Use the same for your wedding. Assume 10% who said YES will not come for some reason or another that day. Ask your caterer how many people they will serve over the amount of people you reserve. Some say 10%, some 15%. To protect yourself from over charges, deduct 10-15% from your reservation list and turn in that #. At the wedding have someone in charge of a head count during the service. Have that person call the caterer immediately and give them the heads up how many people are at the service which is the last and final count -- they can then set up the right # of tables -- and give them the official and final count.
It is rude when people don't RSVP; when they say YES and don't come.
I think the key is this. DO NOT invite casual acquaintances; people from work; the people in your building you meet at the dumpster, people you do not know well and with whom you do not socialize or interact with on a very personal level. This cuts down on the nay sayers who drop out the last minute. People who love you and are apart of your life want to be at your wedding. Justify your skimpy invitation list by saying: "We're having a small wedding and we are limited with our invitations. We've had to cut back in this economy. If it were otherwise, we would have loved to invite you." Or "We are limited to the number of people we can invite, and I'm not inviting my first cousins. It would their feelings if I included friends and didn't invite my relatives. I'm sure you understand. If it were otherwise, I would have wanted to invite you!" And, if these poeple aren't close, you don't need to advertise your personal life. Do your coworkers really need to know the private details of your life? OK so one day you show up w/a rock on your hand, so now they see what's going on. That's the time to say, "Yes, isn't it wonderful! It happened yesterday. We stayed up all night making plans, and we've decided to keep it very small because we want to buy a house."
So my point is you don't have to invite every one you know. That will cut down considerably on the # of people who drop out the last minute without regards to your feelings. Keep your invitation list conservative, inviting only the people you know who would attend. Best of Luck.
We had 3 no shows, and 2 people who left after the ceremony due to the drive time home....so essentially one table. It annoyed me because we had to add an extra table of 6 at the last minute and really we didn't need it after all. So that was an extra centerpiece, etc. Oh well....
We only had 4 people not attend, and two of them called my fiance before the ceremony to let him know that they were sick and couldn't make it. The other two, USED to be friends of ours. We got married 3 weeks ago and still have not heard anything from them. We are guests at the same wedding in two weeks, so I guess we'll see if they come...
It does happen all the time . We had 2 people cancel a couple days before because her husband and one person cancel the day of (her brother passed so obviously we understood) I did have 4 people also no show at the wedding that rsvpd but that was great considering we had 220 people!
We had 1(!!!) no-show and it was my college friends "date" (who EMAILED her the day before they were going to drive to the wedding). We had a destination wedding so we kinda expected everyone who said they would be there to show up.
I wish everyone was as considerate and well versed in etiquette as the girls who read WeddingBee!
I can't believe how many ppl RSVP for weddings and then just don't go! We had ONE guest RSVP and not show up... I didn't realize until after we got back from our honeymoon and I was talking about the wedding w/ a co-worker. He was the son of a VERY LONG time family friend, he even tried to add and an guest and I said it was okay. He didn't end up RSVP'ing for her, but he still said he would be there and didn't go. Over a month later and I still have no idea what was more important. Geez, If I'm this pissed about one guest, imagine how mad I would be about more hahahaha
After reading all the posts, I don't feel as bad. Out of 156 people 2 no show and 1 can't come b/c her injury. It's very rude for people not show up at all, and they will go into my shit list from now on.
We did not have any same-day no-shows but we had a Lot of last-minute RSVP reshuffling, some legitimate, some that I have no idea.
We didn't know until a few days before the wedding whether grandparents were going to come (health). Thankfully they did!
A few members of my family just never RSVPd. Because they were OOT, I put them down as "No's" and left it at that. Then my cousin called me the Thursday before the wedding to let me know she was definitely not coming. Um, you're "cancelling" 2 days before the wedding??? I'm really glad I had put her down as a "No" already.
After RSVPing yes, husband's friend cancelled the week before the wedding because his car broke down and he was planning on driving to the wedding (he lives like 3 states away so I was wondering why on earth he'd drive for like 10+ hours in the first place? Oh well.)
After telling me she'd "definitely be there" my friend cancelled about 2-3 weeks before the wedding. Gave me a stupid reason (I'd rather would have had no reason at all). Truth is, she blew a lot of money on her vacation and couldn't afford to come. Eh.
Husband's friend (+wife) did not cancel but let us know they wouldn't be able to make it until the very end of the reception. That was fine, but I still had to save them a seat & pay their meals just in case they showed earlier, but yeah, they ended up showing up really late, after the meal was served.
Best man had no idea the entire time whether he'd be bringing a date or not. We wrote him down as a +1. He confirmed his date the night before the wedding!
And so on...
This was all very annoying but frankly, it was a lot less stressful because we had a buffet :-) and we already had some tables with an extra chair or 2 (that's just how the math had worked) so we could fit people easily.
We had 6 people no show out of 63! It was terrible because one whole family WHO INVITED THEMSELVES, just decided not to appear, no phone call, no nothing. I'm still hassling my husband to literally ask them to cover the cost of their plates because we talked to them the DAY BEFORE the wedding and they assured us they were still coming. Another family had to sit all alone with a bunch of empty seats because of it.
The others were some aunts and uncles who had legitimate reasons (death in the family), and one crappy friend on my side.
Perhaps I take things to a bit of an extreme, but I really do not understand how so many people can RSVP "yes" and then not show. This summer, my fiance and I attended a local wedding of some close friends of ours. Right before their ceremony, I started to feel "not right" and excused myself to go to the restroom. On my way there, I felt "really not right" and told a friend of ours to get my fiance. At which point I had a seizure. When I regained consciousness, my fiance was there, and he and I sat in the hallway and listened to the ceremony. The friend drove me home, where I rested until I was feeling better. At which point I briefly went back to the reception, to make sure I got to say "Congrats!" to our friends on their wonderful day, and then went back home, to bed.
I swear, if a seizure doesn't keep me from someone's reception, I'm gonna be hella pissed if "nice weather" causes anyone to cancel on my wedding!
We had several no-shows, some of them with good explanations, some of them with none at all.
One thing that we (actually I) shouldn't have done was take my mom's word that "all of her friends" we're coming. That was about 10 people that didn't end up being able to make it.
That said, it actually balanced out since we had some people who RSVP'd "no", some people that we didn't have on our formal guestlist (MIL had a handful of invites and she gave them out, this was with oour permission), and some people who didn't RSVP at all show up. Our count to the caterer was 225 and I just counted last night and we came in at 220. 2% no show rate.
We had the opposite at my brother's wedding. The brides family RSVPd only a few coming and then like 30 showed. We found out two days before and were able to arrange for extra tables and food. But talk about crazy!
I had one cousin tell me the week before the wedding... "Oh by the way, we're going on a cruise next weekend"... as if they didn't know that a little beforehand!
And we had one of Mr. DG's cousins and her husband not show up (without cancelling). They had a new baby at the time so we blew it off and embraced our wedding crashers instead :)
My friend had 6 people RSVP then not show up. They never called, texted, emailed or anything! So she ended up paying for meals for those 6 extra people!
Our wedding was just a week and a half ago and I was so disappointed in those guests that said they were coming and then didn't show up! I would've at least have liked a heads up if they weren't coming! But everyone tells me that is normal, but I know that I will definately never be that kind of person. If by chance I can't make it, I will let someone know!!
we had no wedding crashers. 1 person told us the week of the wedding they couldn't make it (stuck overseas for work). everyone else showed up. but we might have been anamolous b/c about 2/3 of our guests were out of town so they had to make arrangements anyway. and we confirmed rsvps that were offhand. my hubby actually made all his friends confirm via email b/c he knew i'd be a mess if we had no idea who was really coming /not - sounds stupid but i was v focused on headcount / rsvps.
this is soo ridiculous! i had no idea ppl just canceled like that...don't they know you paid for their seat, so it's bascially like being robbed. it's the same as buying someone a $200 event ticket as a gift, and they never show up to see the event with you. that would really upset me, but i'm glad to know that it most likely WILL happen, so i can be prepared for it and not caught off-guard and get upset :/
We didn't have any last minute cancellations but we had SEVERAL people who didn't show up after practically begging to come with +1. I was over it until I read this post. LOLOL....such is life
We had this happen. It was my aunt and uncle who didn't show up. Luckily they'd told us in advance they were only staying for the ceremony (they have a weird diet) so we only lost the money for the ceremony chair rentals.
We had a few that didn't show up - the awkward part was that some of them were there to watch the boat leave?! What?
We also had two that stayed for the ceremony only -
Unfortunately, many people don't actually realize what it means or costs you when they cancel last min. I mean, really! If they did they wouldn't! Each person has a plate of food, drink(s), chair, 1/6-10th of a table, which means every 6-10 people that cancel mean an entire table, centerpiece, favors, silverware. I work in the wedding industry and even I was surprised to learn what the cost per person is!
we had 6 cancellations during the week of the wedding. one friend who warned me about last minute cancellers actually cancelled too, but for good reason. thankfully, we had no additional surprise no shows, and paid the caterer for only one empty seat because i gave the caterer a low number. all the cancellers were married, and some very recently married, so they know they were putting us out by cancelling so late. we were so happy with our wedding celebration, so whatever, they missed out.
i am dreading this! i went to a friend's wedding where two guy friends RSVP'd yes and then said, oh, i forgot what day it was so i am scheduled to look at apartments and have dinner with my family. he lived with his family at the time! the other guy didn't go because the first one bailed. it was a large wedding, but very few friends were invited because they had large families. i felt honored to be invited because i knew this, but apparently the guys don't get it. it still gets me fired up every time i think about it and it wasn't even my wedding!
i will have to go the route of underestimating attendance, especially because we're having a buffet. i would be steamed if no shows messed up our budget! i'll happily pay to have you there, but you better believe i won't be happy to pay and not have you show up. HOW RUDE! ;)
Me and My FI couldn't attend a wedding that we were invited to this past summer. We flew out to rural upstate New York for her wedding... when I noticed my FI was having appendicitis symptoms. I am not kidding you people, at 8am the day of my best friend's wedding I was sitting waiting at the nearby Hospital holding my fiance's hand- he was going in for surgery. Needless to say neither of us ended up attending as I was caring for him and calling everyone in his family.
We did however invite the couple out to dinner the next night, and were able to give them a gift and make a billion apologies.
Most that didn't show up at the wedding later gave me a reason like their child was sick or they couldn't get a babysitter. It bothered me though about my friends without children who didn't bother giving me a reason for not attending even though they RSVP'ed.
We had 6 people not show up, most were sick but didn't tell us beforehand and one couldn't find a ride since one of my BM's couldn't come pick her up. Lame, but whatever! We still had a blast
I had a few no shows (6-10). Some who I saw at the church but then didn't go to the reception. Anyway, I would have been pissed at the people who didn't show but I was more pissed about two of my bm cancelling on me 2 days before the wedding. They had "reasons" which were at the time seemed reasonable but now after the wedding has been over. I feel like at least one of them were lying (sp?) to me.
So I guess I wasn't annoyed with guest who no showed because I'm more pissed about my wedding party issue.
So overall with the bm and the no shows... grand total of no shows about 17.... my one bridesmaids (the one that I think lied to me.) I had planned for her 3 kids to be an exception to the adult only reception. So with her and her husband and 3 kids which I had kids meals ready. 5 no shows from one family---- the nerve of her.. yeah, I haven't spoken to her since teh wedding.
crap! that's makes me angry... if 17 people no showed at my wedding. I just lost $850 right there. Granted I got my food cost down to $50 per person but STILL!!! WTF???
i had about 8 no shows...but i had about 20 (yes, 20!) extra people show up that weren't invited (daughters of friends, a few extra cousins, last min. invites that my parents insisted).
Luckily, our venue didn't charge us extra for all the extra people! Plus we had our wedding at a huge venue that had about ten ballrooms and everyone was crashing each others wedding receptions! it was kinda funny actually.
I don't remember who said this... but ten, twenty years from now you may not remember who showed up to your wedding but you WILL remember those that didn't go. I think this is sadly true.
Not my wedding but I did find this pretty funny... my BF's cousin got married at DisneyWorld in Florida (destination wedding, we're all from NY) and had an entire family no-show because they showed up at DisneyLAND in CALIFORNIA instead!!! They had been given the Disney hotel information and Disneyland doesn't even have the same hotels as DisneyWorld and she had previously been to DisneyWorld in Florida with the cousin! How do you end up on the wrong side of the country?!? lol
Eh, I'm totally expecting people to do no-shows and RSVP yes and then cancel last minute. FH and I figure that the ones who want to be there will be there and the most important thing is we're getting married and our immediate families are there.
That being said, we're not doing a sit-down plated dinner. I'm sure if we were then I'd be much less flexible about it!
We had about 25-30 people not show up who had RSVP-d Yes - because our wedding was the weekend a big storm hit the east coast and when it snows in North Carolina it is a major problem. Some called, some didn't but at the end of the day, it was a buffet and all the leftovers were brought back to the hotel and used for dinner later that night.
We had a few who let us know in the final week but I had a 'waiting list' pool, so I just inserted a few dates of guests I didn't originally invite. In the end, 3 people didn't show and I had 3 people who showed up after rsvp'ing NO so it worked out! I'm glad we stuck to only inviting the MAIN people in our lives.
One person didn't come who we knew couldn't come, but we reserved a seat for him anyway just incase.
We had two that didn't come because of snow. I'm glad they didn't risk their lives.
My coworker and her husband didn't show because she was sick, but that really pissed off my other coworker who felt like crap and really didn't feel like coming, but didn't want to miss the wedding and came anyway.
A few of my husband's coworkers came late and I don't think they ate anything.
A lot of people left early, but they ate all their food :P
We had 1 person not show because we later found out he got sunburned super badly and had blisters, fever etc.
And we had another friend that got really sick and made it for the ceremony but not the reception.
I am making myself sick over this right now and will be sending out the STDs shortly....
We were pretty lucky, we didn't have any cancellations or no-shows. And no wedding crashers!
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