Anyone have a better relationship with MIL than Mom?

posted 2 years ago in Family
  • poll: Get along with your FMIL/MIL better or just as much as your mom?
    Yes! Love her like my mom! : (14 votes)
    48 %
    For the most part but I still go to my mom more often : (4 votes)
    14 %
    It depends on the situation. : (9 votes)
    31 %
    Absolutely not! : (2 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    109 posts
    Blushing bee

    Me too. I know my mom loves me, but we don’t always get along the best. My future mother-in-law has always been very nice and kind to me so far. We can actually sit around and talk, and she’s not judgmental at all. That’s not to say I don’t love my own mother, but future mother in laws easier to get along with.

    Post # 3
    Member
    671 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    my mom was always quick to say “I’m closer with my mother in law than my own mother”, which was kinda messed up since she still says that when she was only married like 7 years back in the 80s lol and she admits to loving her MIL more but what can you do?

    Post # 4
    Member
    889 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2015 - On a Cliff Overlooking the Bay, Florida

     

    Beeee13: I kinda feel the same way I am really close with my FMIL They are a tight knit family and I Love that! My FI’s bro lives 7 hrs away so it’s convent because both his parent and my mom live in our town so we get to see them often.  I love my mom but she has pulled away from me a little bit. I’m not sure if it’s because her little girl is leaving her (I moved out about about a yr ago) or if it’s a bunch of things all at once. My Parents divorced (after 34 yrs) about 5 years ago (I moved back in with her to help with bills and getting her life back together) and my Mom’s sister got diagnosed with stage 4 Bone and Brest cancer last year and her Bro and sister are all the family she has left. I make sure to involve and include her 1<sup>st</sup> on all wedding related things. And recently when I call to talk about anything (I make are to call and talk to her at least once a week) she sounds like I’m bothering her when I call. We have lunch with my FMIL about 2 times a month when she has to work the weekend in the hospital down the street from us.

    Post # 5
    Member
    996 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2016

    Generally speaking, I’m just getting to know my FMIL and I’ve been very close with my mother my entire life. But in a more immediate sense, my mother and I are not as close as we used to be and we see my FMIL more often.

    • This reply was modified 2 years ago by  geneva2.
    Post # 6
    Member
    260 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE my mother. Single mom of us two girls, found love a little later in life and had a great relationship and another little girl :). Shes a good mom. We just don’t have a lot of the same opinions, or methods of dealing with things. now with my fmil, she is just sp easy going and down to earth, loving and giving, it’s hard NOT to love her!! Right from the start we had a good bond as she has 3 sons. We have had a lot of bonding moments, and she’s really easy to talk to about any problems. Has a good point of view and always seems to know how to solve the problem. I’m very lucky 🙂 

    Post # 7
    Member
    812 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2013 - Mansion House at the MD Zoo

    Me too! I love my mom but she can be judgy (could call it bitchy sometimes) and our personalities are pretty different. My MIL and I get along really well and see eye to eye on a lot of stuff, plus we can have fun hanging out, getting a drink or whatever, stuff like that. I’m a TON closer to my dad than to FIL or SFIL though.

    Post # 8
    Member
    5207 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2013

    It depends on the situation. I’m close with both of them, but they grew up with very different lives and experiences. If I’m going through a rough patch and need emotional support I find it easier to talk to my MIL because she’s quite honestly “been there, done that” with any problem I encounter. If I need advice I go to my mom because she’s both street smart and well educated. I’m extremely fortunate that they get along with each other as well. They often go on dinner dates without me and talk on the phone all the time. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    6525 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Beeee13:  Yup. And my mother hates it.

    Let me say this, I love my mother, but I don’t like her. She is very jealous, immature, controlling,manipulative, judgemental. The night before my wedding she got into a huge fight with me and I believe she planned to do it the night before hoping that I would just give her what she wants, and you know what-it worked. She didn’t talk to me all morning while we were all at the salon getting our hair and makeup done. But the minute I spoke to DH and explained to him what was going on, he told me to just let her have her way, its not worth it. Once I told my mom, her attitude flipped like a light switch. 

    My DH, aunt and sister were pissed, my aunt especially, we were at her house when it happened and my aunt yelled her saying “its the night before her wedding! we are trying to keep her calm and enjoy these last moments with her as a single lady and you go and do this shit!” 

    My MIL is a saint. Complete opposite of my mother. If my mother and I get into a fight she will say things like “you wouldn’t treat you MIL like this” 

    My mother’s main priority in life is her BF who I don’t speak to for reasons I cannot discuss. ANd she would choose him over me anyday. If we make plans to see eachother, its for breakfast and coffee only because she has to get to her BFs house before 10am on weekends bc thats the only time she can see him. And when I ask to get together during the week she throws a fit bc she is tired from work. This makes me sad bc whats going to happen when DH and I have kids? I worry they will not really get to know her. I worry that she will be jealous that our kids will be closer with my in-laws. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    23 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    Same here. I love my mom but she’s pretty much no help with anything (not just wedding related, life in general, haha) and my mom and I have had a pretty rocky relationship since I was a teenager. FMIL is great and has been the biggest help with wedding planning, etc. She’s done all the “mom” things related to the wedding. So grateful to have her in my life now.

    Post # 12
    Member
    375 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    My FMIL is awesome! I can definitely talk with her more comfortably than my my own mom. My mom is super Catholic, very conservative and judgemental, and takes everything personally. So, it’s kind of exhausting to talking to her and consciously diverting all conversations away from anything that has to do with religion, politics, or personal beliefs of any kind. That said, I basically make sure my relationship with my mom revolves around things like cooking/baking, sewing, hiking, talking about cats etc. and keep it super benign.

    FI’s mom and I are way more on the same page, so I can talk to her about way more stuff. She is really supportive of both of us as a couple and individually. I feel kind of guilty, but at any given time, I would probably rather hang out with FI’s parents than my own,   

    Post # 13
    Member
    863 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    Mine is the same as you, OP. Not close with my mom at ALL. FMIL is a wonderful woman and we share mutual admiration and respect for each other. I’m marrying her “baby” and she couldn’t be happier it’s me! Our relationship is developing slowly but it just gets better! My mother and I don’t speak and in the last few years I have definitely noticed her abcense and missed having that kind of relationship so it motivates me to work hard for the relationship with FMIL. 

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