Post # 1
I haven’t posted on here in a while, but I would really appreciate some feedback. I just had a civil ceremony earlier this week–it was really unexpected and it’s because my hubby’s brother is being sent overseas last minute (he is in the military) and will most likely miss our wedding. It was my idea to do a civil ceremony so he could be there and celebrate with us before he goes. It’s not a secret and everyone knows about it, but I’m worried that the wedding will seem fake to everyone since we’re already technically married. I don’t regret my decision because I know how important it was for my hubby for his brother to be there, but I never thought I’d already be married when we had our big wedding.
I know others that have done this for various reasons and they’ve all said they treated the civil ceremony as just a formality and didn’t act like they were married until the big wedding. I can’t separate the two, and I feel like we’re already married. We don’t wear our rings and I haven’t changed my name yet, but I made my vows, I meant them, and it was very special. I guess I’m just kind of torn and would like to know how others have dealt with something like this.
Was it any less special because you were already married? I would appreciate any feedback. Thanks so much.
Post # 3
First of all, Congratulations!
In France you have to do a civil ceremony in the town where you live. So we’ll be doing a civil ceremony in Paris first. The church ceremony will be in his parents’ town a week later. It does seem a bit odd but if you want a church ceremony it’s because you believe in the religious significance of that ceremony. Your civil ceremony won’t change that. It will still be special!
Post # 4
Hi ccflowers, We’re having a civil ceremony and then a church blessing and I think of both these occasions as being special in their own way.
The civil ceremony is showing your dedication to one another and that you are prepared to be joined together according to the law of the land and the church blessing symbolises your commitment to each other as a couple through your faith in one another, I see it as kind of going to your Father and declaring that you love someone and him giving his approval (or blessing).
The reason we chose to have them performed at different times, is that my Dad has a bit of social anxiety and wont be able to make my wedding day, as he finds it difficult to be around too many people.
So we spoke with our Minister and she agreed to perform the blessing when we return from our honeymoon. It will only be my Dad and my Grandmother (his Mum) there on the day of the blessing and it’s something special that I can share with him, that he can enjoy and be part of.
Post # 5
Like Mllfrog, here in the Netherlands every person (including the Queen), has to have a civil ceremony at city hall before they can go on to have a religious ceremony. So like you, there are thousands of people in the world doing their civil ceremony first, and then their church wedding at a later date. 😉
Post # 6
We have to do it too!
We’re getting married in Brazil, and the bureaucracy there is ridiculous: you have to apply for your license in person, WAIT 30 DAYS, and only then pick up the license that gives you 60 days to get married. We WISH we had that much vacation time!
So we’re having a civil ceremony here in July, as a formality, when my parents are in town visiting. The church wedding will be our REAL wedding, with all my friends and family. We won’t wear our wedding bands until after that, and won’t call each other husband & wife until after that. A piece of paper doesn’t mean much to us, but it’s having our vows in front of all the people we consider special the most important part.
We only told our parents, and my Maid/Matron of Honor. I’m not telling anyone else because I don’t want them to feel it’s a sham wedding — it’s not. For us, November 27th will always be our wedding date and anniversary.
Post # 7
Thank god for this message board- I had the lid off the crazy jar for a while, you guys helped me put it back on. The Knot has been brutal with this very question- apparently Europeans are much nicer ; ) My husband and I were married in a civil ceremony on December 16th as a formality and our plan prior to getting married was to have the big ceremony/celebration in August. For us, we call eachother husband and wife, but we didn’t exchange rings and I haven’t taken his last name yet and won’t until August. We just want to be able to share the experience with our friends and family and I don’t think that is unreasonable. This is not a jab towards those who partake in a traditional wedding because that’s great, if everything goes as planned but that isn’t always the case, life happens. So I’m excited about our wedding/vow-renewal whatever you want to call it in August!