Anyone have a FI who is DIVORCED? Am I being too nosey about his EX?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2697 posts
Sugar bee

@LuckyDucky86:  Yes, you are overreacting and you should not care. Chances are, her wedding was completely different than yours anyway. He is with you. Even he doesn’t care any longer.

 

Keep it moving.

Post # 4
Member
1463 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My husband has been married before, but it doesn’t bother me.  He had no children with her and hasn’t been in contact with her since the divorce.  Time to move on, he’s with you now!

Post # 5
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@LuckyDucky86:  Yes you’re overreacting. If I asked my husband today (we’ve been married for 6 months) what color our flowers or linens were he’d say I have no f-ing clue.  He probably couldn’t even sufficiently describe my dress or pick it out of a line up.  Even if you end up picking similar things to his ex he won’t notice.  Just let it go and focus on the future not the past.  She will be the last thing on his mind at your wedding.

 

Post # 6
Member
1343 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@LuckyDucky86:  If it hurts him then I would just forget it. You could ask just what their colors were and stay away from them! 

But you have pinterest now…so your wedding will automatically be better :p

Post # 7
Member
8701 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

You’re overreacting. I’ve been married since December and I can promise you my husband doesn’t remember what he wore, or what color flowers I held in June, or even what our centerpieces looked like.

It shouldn’t matter to you. She’s in the past and he is marrying you. He sounds like he has moved on, you should, too.

Post # 8
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I can completely understand that you don’t want him or guests to compare your wedding to each other to his wedding with her. But honestly? I wouldn’t over think it. 5 years ago is a long time and he loves you, and your guests will see you, not her. I’d say – so long as you don’t get married at the same venue or go on the same honeymoon, you’ll be great. My SO is divorced and I wouldn’t want to be compared to his ex, but similarly I wouldn’t go out of my way to discover every last detail of his relationship to ensure our wedding, house decor, holiday destination, etc was different to a previous relationship

 

Post # 10
Member
1463 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@LuckyDucky86:  Okay, then, your latest post puts a different spin on things.  Talking to her and sharing photos; why?  I can understand if they have mutual investments and might need to share *business-related* information.  I would be upset, too, if my fiance was sharing private things that are between us with his ex.  Have you told him his behavior in this regard bothers you?

Post # 11
Member
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I have seen pictures of my FI’s ex, in her wedding dress (grumble grumble) so I knew to make sure to not get one similar (very poufy 90’s dress so that was never going to happen anyway…).  I have no idea if she knows what I look like but I have been working through this and while I think it’s natural to have some comparative thoughts you cannot obsess over it!  That is over and he’s with you now.  Enjoy this and more so, work on having a great marriage with him.  Hugs to you, for I most certainly understand where your head is at with this one!

ETA – hold upppp… did not see your latest post.  My FI has not had any contact with his ex since almost right after his divorce 6 years ago.  I can see why you’d be even more upset! 🙁

Post # 14
Member
203 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I think you are overreacting. My FI has been married, divorced, and engaged once more before me. Again it was BEFORE ME. I honestly had the same concerns. I don’t want anything to similar however that wedding was long ago and trends and people change dramatically over time. I don’t think you have anything to worry about. I think it is a normal concern for us to wonder about their “other wedding” but I don’t think it’s fair to him to discuss any details from it.

I asked my fiance about his first marriage and his response was that he doens’t remember much and that after such a bad marriage it’s not something he wanted to remember either. He told me that because it will be totally different and new to him because of the people there and me. YOU are what the wedding is about. Celebrating your love for one another so nothing you can do will be too similar.

I guarentee that if you pick a dress or colors similar, as a guy, he won’t care. He will be happy to celebrate with you. Not thinking about his first marriage.

Post # 15
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My FI were both married before (we also don’t have children) and he told me everything early in our relationship.  They were married 12 years so it was a significant part of his adult life.  I never felt threatened in any way. 

Our wedding will be nothing like theirs.  They had a black tie formal $$$$$ wedding paid for by her wealthy late father.  Nothing like that going on here, LOL.  He doesn’t even remember being there.  

Back to you, OP, I think you are overacting. 

Post # 16
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@LuckyDucky86:  how long have you been together? I ask because my FI is divorced and in the beginning I cared a lot more about this sort of stuff than I do 4 years down the track now. I accidentally saw wedding photos at the start of our relationship so I have an idea of her dress/colours etc (luckily for me she chose my least favourite bridesmaid dress colour) but now I really am not fussed by any of it. FI also has said like yours does that he honestly cannot remember much of the day. Not specific details anyway. Try not to let it get to you, the feeling will pass, I’m sure. My only peeve about marrying a divorced guy is when a few people have asked whether he will feel silly saying the vows again – ummm, thanks for that! No, he won’t!

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