Post # 1
I have a friend who I adore. However, she is a bit older than me and not yet married/engaged/in a serious relationship of any kind. She desperately wishes to be.
She has been awesome moral support (and voluntarily I may add, I have never once asked her to step up) with dress shopping, looking at venues, etc. which I really appreciate because my family is not involved at all.
However, she always throws in comments like “I better have fun shopping with you because I will never get to do it for myself!” “Look at that ring! I want one NOW,” “You’re going to be married with five kids before I even have a second date!” and so on… Not in the tone of dig towards me. More just that she gets down on herself like CRAZY and I never know what to say in response because it is just AWKWARD. I usualluy go with lame things like “just be patient…” “yes you will…” “oh stop it…”
Anyone have this friend in their life/ advice on dealing with it because it is really awkward. At the same time I also hate hearing her get so down on herself because she is really a great girl. (What I really want to tell her is that she tries to hard to get swept off of her feet and needs to not look so hard. She is beautiful smart has a great job etc. She seriously has NOTHING to worry about if she would just calm down a bit)
Post # 2
freshflowers: I have a few friends like this and they drive me a little bit insane. It makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong because I got married.
Sometimes it just takes an honest sit down conversation. I had to tell one of my friends that the way she was acting actually hurt my feelings even though I knew that wasn’t her intention. Then I actually did lay it out for her that eventually she was going to find someone wonderful because she’s smart and successful and beautiful, but she was trying way too hard to make love happen and she needed to stop looking for Mr. Right for awhile. She actually took it really well and even though she still says things like “it’ll be another 10 years before I have kids!” It’s not nearly as often now.
Post # 3
freshflowers: I was that person for a long time.
After a particularly bad breakup with someone who was absolutely wrong for me, one of my guy friends who is happily married struck up a conversation with me asking me what I wanted in a relationship. What kind of man I thought that I’d love, and what the characteristics are in men that I admire and get along with. I still remember this conversation as being the first time I really just sat back and realized that the men I was dating and tended to date were the complete opposite of the kind of man who’d be able to fulfill my needs in a partner.
I didn’t change overnight, but I started just living my life for me. Eventually, the right guy and I crossed paths at the right time. The rest is history.
You may need to sit down and have a conversation with her about why getting married is so important to her, what her ideal mate would be and what her needs are in a partner. It sounds stupid, but that first question of why getting married is so important actually helped me to realize what it was that I was searching for, and not finding in the wrong places.
Post # 4
- Wedding: April 2013 - Valparaiso, IN
My best friend dealt with a horrible break up with the man she thought she was going to marry shortly after I got back from my honeymoon. Ever since then it’s, “I’m done with men. I’ll never get married, etc.” I don’t know what to say to her. So I feel you. Every once in a while she’ll say, IF she gets married. A small glimmer of hope from me. She tends to be quite dramatic sometimes.
Post # 5
One of my bridesmaids is EXACTLY like this! I know she doesnt mean for it to come accross this way but at a certain point it starts making me feel guilty for finding my own happiness and trying to share it with her– which is getting old very quickly. I’m still not sure how to handle it myself so I’m following to see what the rest of y’all have to say.