Post # 1
- Wedding: February 2013 - Mansion House at the MD Zoo
My husband and I were talking about this the other day. I’m the breadwinner and likely always be. It’s quite likely that in the next year or two I will recieve a HUGE promotion, with an attached HUGE raise. DH and I were thinking that with my salary we’d be making well more than double my current salary and significantly more than our current combined salaries. My job is stressful and obviously would get more stressful and busy. I already joke that DH is my man-wife since he does all the cooking and grocery shopping and more than half of the cleaning. We would both love for him to be able to stay home–we’d get more time together (he works night shift), stuff would get done around the house that currently slips because we truly don’t have time, and we think it would be a good fit for both of our interests and strengths. Our concern though is that people would judge him, or me, or both of us. Of course we believe that men and women should have equal opportunities, not get pigeon-holed into gender roles, etc etc, but society isn’t always so forgiving. Add to it that we are CBC so it’s not like he’d be taking care of kids, more doing stuff around the house, and it gets even more non-traditional. It’s not a deal-breaker, but I was wondering if anyone has done this or known anyone who has. Just wondering people’s thoughts and experiences.
This topic was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by soontobeMrsBoo. Reason: For clarity and because somehow I had the same sentence in there twice
Post # 2
Sorry, what’s CBC? I don’t think you’re talking about blood tests :).
The househusband concept is not frequent, but if it works for you, that’s fine. I think stay at home dad makes sense for the kids if the mom is the breadwinner, but I would wonder if there’s enough stuff to fill the day for a househusband with no kids. I know a couple where the wife is breadwinner while husband is taking time to do some extra courses to find a new career, but in that situation, I think the househusband status is a temporary one.
FI has a job where he can telecommute from home, and I think that’s the best of both worlds for him and for us.
Post # 3
soontobeMrsBoo: I don’t think you should mind what society thinks? If your husband is all for it, he’ll be able to survive the judgements 🙂 I agree with PP – maybe find a way where he can work from home?
My uncle was a SAHD/H for 8 years to take care of my little cousin who has an auto-immune disease and nearly died multiple times over the years. My aunt makes 2-3 times more than he did so i made sense for him to stay home.
Post # 4
soontobeMrsBoo: If you had kids, that would be one thing, but I feel like he may get bored not having enough to do around the house. Unless, of course, he was also using the time to do something else, like freelance work or art or writing or whatever. With him working night shifts now, I absolutely see where you would want him to quit that job, so maybe he could use the time to pursue “fun” interests during the day.
Post # 5
soontobeMrsBoo: It is 100% up to you and your husband what you two decide is best for your family. If you are not asking for handouts, the opinions of others should not matter. I personally would not judge a SAHW, SAHM, SAHH, SAHD. I think that people who do judge are secretly envious that they cannot afford to do the same.
Post # 6
I had a SAHD. It was great.
I think it’s weird when people (men or women) stay home instead of working, but that’s just me. I’m someone who needs to be busy (and have lucked into a career that I love), so the idea of staying home and doing I don’t even know what just seems foreign to me. That being said, it’s your life, your marriage and your arrangement, so do what you what, not what you think other people want you to do.
Post # 7
Oh yeah, I know/knew several SAHDs. Don’t know any SAHHs though. But then… I don’t know any SAHWs either.
That said, the Dads I know eventually went back to work PT or flexi-time. Two of them were police officers, which worked out great because the police are really good at offering things like career breaks and flexible working over here. They enjoyed working PT because it meant that they still had a social life not based around their kids (with their work friends), and it got them out of the house and mixed up their routine.
It seems to be increasingly common for my generation, especially as women begin to outperform men at university level. Don’t know how that will change after the tuition fee rises though…
Anyway, I didn’t vote in the poll because there wasn’t an option for “sure, I know several”!
Post # 8
We’re not married yet but for around… I’d say 10 months my SO was a stay at home… significant other/dad? And I was totally okay with it. He was in school at the time and it just made sense for him to stay at home and focus on his studies. My job covered all the bills so why not? I would have been fine with him staying that way forevers (oh my god, the dinners were to die for!) but he wanted to work in his field after his school was over so off he went. Now we’re dual income, which is sweet too.
It was really nice coming home to a beautiful house with food on the table and someone who was soooo happy to see me. The sex (TMI?) was awesome too because of no conflicting schedules and we weren’t both exhausted.
SO has said multiple times he wouldn’t care, and would be happy with, me being a SAHM, so why wouldn’t I be as happy in the opposite?
Do you guys! Whatever works for you is what’s good.
Post # 9
I know some stay at home dads, but any stay at home husbands I’ve known usually ended up going back to work for various reasons. Sometimes boredom, sometimes restlessness and sometimes because their manhood feels threatened “playing housewife” (their words)
If you feel comfortable with that setup then by all means do you, but I personally have the mindset of there’s nothing wrong with “extra” income.
Post # 10
soontobeMrsBoo: One of my cousins was a SAHD for a while as he earns much less than his partner. He seemed to love it. Another of my cousins is a SAHD to a nearly 3 year old and new twins and I think he works harder than his wife! I’m pretty sure he was a SAHH for a while before babies arrived as his wife has a great career that caused them to have several international moves. He is highly educated and had a good career, but their arrangement works for them and he’s a great dad.
Post # 11
- Wedding: February 2013 - Mansion House at the MD Zoo
j.gar89: See this is what we’re going for! It sounds great. We don’t have enough time for one another, or for the rest of life. He would probably take some classes, but more for fun than anything else. He’s really into higher-level math (one of the great tragedies of this country is the expense of college, because he really just wants to think about math all the time) but doesn’t want to teach. Just hang out, cook, clean, and think about math and stuff.
craigslistgirl: CBC is childfree by choice, so no kids. SAHD is definitely more common, but just wondering about the perception of “kept man” in general.
bphi163: LBeeLove: Not making decisions based on a weddingbee poll at all, just sort of testing the waters so to speak. At this point most of what we do is a little “offbeat” so we’re not exactly try to–or to not–do what everyone else is doing.
Rachel631: He does security right now, but unfortunately there’s not a good part time option. He could work weekends, but then we’d have the same problem of never seeing one another. We’ve talked about that.
Thanks for the responses ladies. I was just curious how it’s perceived or if anyone knows a stay at home husband. We’re definitely into it, if we can make the $$ work. On the flip side, I would never ever ever want to stay home. No hate on anyone who does, I just need to be busy and I need more structure. DH would be great because he’s good at starting and finishing projects, just to have them done, staying on task, stuff like that. I always have big plans for my days off and then I end up hanging out on the couch until 2 pm, going ‘oh sh*t where did my day go?’ and finally bothering to start a load of laundry.
Post # 12
- Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess
I out-earn my FI by a bunch, and we have talked about it. He was between jobs for a bit, and it was REALLY nice. He does most of the housework anyway, and he gets a lot done. I am super lazy about housework, and mess doesn’t really bother me. Anyhow, we really liked the arrangement, and may go back to it someday. If it works for you, do it!
Post # 13
People are jerks. For every choice you make there will be someone out there who wants to give you crap about it. It’s obvious you would both be happier this way, so screw what people think and do whats right for you 🙂
Post # 14
My hubby is currently a SAHH, no kids yet or pending. I make significantly more than he did previously, and I also travel a lot for work (I’ve been on 25 overnight trips this year, so about 2x per month I am away for a few days). He keeps the house clean, does all the chores, runs errands, cares for the dog we have. Since that still leaves him with some free time, he is taking up farming here, growing some fruits and veggies and wants to get chickens and goats maybe.
I think it was a struggle for him at first, to feel like he wasn’t wasting time or “being lazy” by being at home. It’s been 10 months now, and we have settled in. If you ever have questions about what it’s like, feel free to message me.
Post # 15
My dad was a SAHD but also worked from home, so kind of still worked.. but honestoy as long as your hubby isn’t the type to sit on the xbox all day and ignore all responsibilities then I see no problem at all.