(Closed) Anyone have social phobia/anxiety?

posted 5 years ago in Wellness
Post # 3
Member
55 posts
Worker bee

I totally get your second point. I can’t even drive to a food place by myself. I have to call someone just so I feel like someone’s with me.

Gawd, I wish I knew how to fix it or offer you advice, but I really don’t know what to do. I’m seriously tempted to go see a therapist, if that helps.

Post # 5
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I have had these problems since high school. I hate being in social situations where I’m not 100% what’s expected from me. I have a very hard time trying new things or meeting new people. I also have a hard time building friendships from casual relationships (like coworkers).

For me, there are certain things about it that I accept and certain things that I try to work through. For example, I accept the fact that I usually prefer being by myself (or with my husband or very close friends) rather than with other people. I also accept the fact that I don’t have many friends. One thing I don’t accept is my anxiety preventing me from doing normal things that are part daily life (like going to the grocery store or making a really important phone call). I struggle with this sometimes, but I remind myself that I’m not so special that everyone is paying attention to me and that I really don’t care about the thoughts of random people and I don’t have to interact with them. I also try to shop at “off hours” to avoid crowds.

As for your job search, that’s another tough point for me personally. I prefer to communicate in email as much as possible and I think many recruiters appreciate email because it doesn’t interrupt them like a phone call would. When I really have to make a phone call, I spend some time figuring out exactly what I want to say and how to say it before I pick up the phone. I find that when I’m really prepared and relaxed, I can do okay with the phone.

Post # 6
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@dayl20:  I don’t but FH does. We’re actually emailing right now talking about it and he feels he needs to be put back on his medication(Paxil), at least from now until the wedding. It’s making him really nervous and very reserved, but he wants to be able to enjoy this experience.

He does handle it very well (he has never needed medication since I’ve been with him almost 5 years) but the stress is getting to him.

He is the same way as you described with phone calls. He always has me call our rental office, ordering takeout, anything like that. He hates talking to people he doesn’t know on the phone. 

If I were you, I’d take my concerns to your DR and see if medication would help.

Post # 7
Member
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I don’t, but I used to work at a clinic that provided CBT for social anxiety, and I’d recommend it. It’s hard for the patient – we actually did groups for social anxiety, so each week was an exposure in itself! – but can be effective given that you actually do the homework, put yourself out there in the exposures, etc. It can correct some of the way you think about social events (ie, having to build yourself up to make a phone call, etc). Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
449 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

i have social anexity. i was taking medication for a while and it helped but my pills were about 55$ a month and i had no insurance. i stopped taking them about a year after i started taking them. sometimes i force myself to go out just to face my fear. i dont want to be left out of social situations becuase of it.  my best recomendation would be to try new social situatuions with people you are comfortable with. i have 2 close friends and my FI which help me be comfortable. 

Post # 9
Member
1217 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I am deathly afraid of people throwing up in front of me. I avoid certain situations because I’m terrified someone might throw up. It’s been a really tough phobia, because I’m worried I won’t be able to take care of my FI when he gets sick (he rarely does, and hasn’t in the whole time we’ve been together).

Post # 10
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee

*disclaimer – prepare for an essay*

my social anxiety developed when I was 19 and in my first year of university. i studied drama and i used to be an extremely confident person – i used to act, sing and dance. but in that first year of uni a ‘friend’ of mine began to bully me and suddenly my whole life changed.

who on earth gets bullied at uni? we were all adults now – this kind of thing was only supposed to happen in high school! she turned my friends against me, people would shut up when i walked into the room and i felt people watching me and laughing at me all the time because i was pathetic. i couldn’t even have dinner in the canteen because i’d either have to sit a) by myself (and people would laugh at me for being a loner) or b) sit with people who didn’t like my anyway and would make me feel awkward. i started ordering takeaway food to my room every night. i drank a bottle of wine every night. it was awful.

eventually i quit my course. or rather, i was encouraged by the university to put it on hold for a year, take a year out and go back when i felt ready. but even when i got home, my fears were still there. suddenly i had become nervous around my old friends who had never been mean to me before, and i was scared they were thinking the same things about me that others were. i stayed at home and didn’t do anything until one day i realised that enough was enough and i had to do something about it.

i started by going to see a ‘therapist’. i use that term lightly because she was a trainee and didn’t really do anything but listen to me talk for an hour – but in that one hour i got so much off my chest that i didn’t even realise was there – that was really good for me.

the second thing i did was buy a book. it’s called overcoming anxiety and i cannot tell you how much it helped.

http://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Anxiety-ebook/dp/B002S0KBW2/ref=sr_1_10?ie=UTF8&qid=1347992635&sr=8-10&keywords=overcoming+anxiety

it made me really question every part of my life that my anxiety was affecting, how it made me feel, and how to take steps to overcome it. it was hard at first, but soon i began understanding how i was behaving, and then i slowly changed my responses and gradually got better.

i started inviting friends to go out with me, not the opposite way around (still struggle with that one, but it’s getting better), i would accept invitations to things i wasn’t keen on going to and learned that i did actually have a good time when i went!

i started writing a blog, too. that was good because when i wrote down my positive experiences it helped being able to look back and remember how i felt on good days, and reminded me i could do it again.

it’s been 7 years since i first developed social anxiety and i must say that the majority of it went away after 3 or 4 years. it was completely down to will power, though, and sheer determination. i didn’t take any meds for it, and i actually cut out alcohol in that first year to help me keep a clear head.

nowadays i still struggle a little bit. my friend’s hen party is a 3 night weekend and although i can’t really afford it, it terrifies me to NOT be there in case they’re all bitching about me behind my back on one of those nights. which is absolutely ridiculous. but i live 300 miles away from those girls now so if they want to bitch about me they can do it any other night – so why i worry that they’ll do it then is beyond me.

the worst possibly thing to do is give in to your insecurities. i have a friend who enables the social anxiety of his girlfriend and it’s made her so much worse because she doesn’t have to deal with the consequences of her actions, which in turn makes her worse because she thinks it’s ok. it’s not okay – he will ruin his life if he keeps on pandering to her every need but she doesn’t want help and so she can’t be helped.

you have the power to change this yourself. it won’t be easy, but you CAN do it. BELIEVE ME.

this is pretty long… whoops… but i hope i’ve given you some helpful info! if you want someone to talk to i AM here – don’t go thinking i won’t want to talk to you. i saw your post on my phone and i jumped to the computer just to answer this post because i know how good it is to have someone there for you. so please – if you want to talk, do. in fact, i ENCOURAGE YOU hahaha.

mwah! x

Post # 12
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I have a touch of it, along with mild OCD. Cognitive behavioral therapy is a really good thing — definitely look into seeing a professional! Life doesn’t have to be like this.

Post # 13
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Not so much about going places alone (i like going places alone sometimes so i dont have to deal with anyone) but the rest of it i completely understand

Post # 14
Member
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@dayl20:  Yes, and I could have written that entire post. I’ve mostly been trying to ignore it… 

@lookingglass: I’m going to take a look at that book! Thanks for posting your experience!

Post # 15
Member
704 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Yep, had it for the longest time. I remember being deathly afraid of cashiers, answering the phone, and if a friend came to my door to hang out, I would immediately, literally, drop to my knees and hide in case they could see my shadow or something through the windows.And that’s just the start of it.

I’m not really socially phobic anymore, althrough I do get very anxious. and I hate to say it, but the anxiety never goes away. You really just learn how to deal with it better.

Glad you’re going to seek pro help for it (the first time I moved from a pediatric therapist to an adult therapist I never came back after my first session because the new therapist made me nervous lol).

Cognitive behavioral therapy really helps. You need to be able to psych yourself up enough to go out and be social and then the more you practice the better you get. I waited tables for 5 years and that helped tremendously because I was forced to interact with strangers constantly.

Post # 16
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

Yes, and sometimes I wonder if it’s ruining my life.  When things calm down a bit, I might look into some medication.

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