Anyone have the wedding and confirm it wasn't for them?

posted 3 years ago in Elopement
Post # 3
Member
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@mylittleviolett:  Ahh I’m so worried about this happening to us! Our wedding isn’t for a while, but we went from thinking we would do something really small, basically an elopement, to deciding to have a small-ish wedding (around 75 ppl). It turns out that even planning a small-ish wedding is a lot of work and is causing me so much anxiety! I reeeeally hope that I can look back on it and be glad we decided to do it, but I’m not sure if I will…

I completely agree though that thinking about all the tiny details and agonizing over them just feels so silly compared to what the day actually symbolizes.

Post # 5
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@mylittleviolett:  I wish we could have eloped (we are yet to be married)- or more like a destination with the very closest of family- but my dad gently reminded me that grandparents can’t travel anymore, and am I really OK with them not being there?

So we are having a local wedding.  I HATE being the center of attention.  More than you can imagine.  I sort of mini-freak out about walking down the aisle everyday.  We’ve spent a lot of money.  And even though I never thought I’d be the person to say planning a wedding is stressful, I have to admit that it sort of is.

*BUT*, to make our wedding a little more *US* than everyone else- we are having a formal-chill wedding.  It’s formal because our attire is totally formal- but we are totally chill- so that’s the mood we’re going for!  No receiving line, no first dance, no cake cutting- we’re having CAKE POPS!!  Just love, drinks, food, fun, family + friends. 

Because if I had to dance in front of others or have everyone watch me cut cake and feet it to anyone- I’d vomit.

Post # 6
Member
10384 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

ME! It is mainly due to family drama. My grandmother died 3 weeks before my wedding, and my big extended family had spend the last 3 months of her life fighting about her end of life care. By the time of my wedding, nobody was speaking to one another, and my mom, who was our officiant, was so wrapped up in her grief that she spent the days leading up to our wedding screaming at me and degrading me (very unlike her).

I would give anything to be able to go back to that day, and rescue it from the drama. If I could redo it, i’d have eloped somewhere amazing, like Iceland, and done a 2-3 week honeymoon there.

Post # 8
Member
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Between myself and DH, I was the one who wanted a wedding. And afterwards I completely regretted it! I didn’t realize how much attention would be on me, how awkward vows and dancing would be, and that I would basically be in charge all day. It was awful! The planning was extremely stressful, and by the time it was all over my hair was falling out by the handful. Now, a year later, I am finally starting to be able to look at some of the wedding pictures without feeling anxiety, embarrassment, and regret. A small elopement would have been so meaningful and fun, and we wouldn’t have wasted all that money! I also have a friend who felt the same way about her wedding, And for her and her husband’s five year anniversarythey are doing a vow renewal- except they are eloping in Vegas like they wanted to do the first time! I think that is such a fun idea! 

Post # 9
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@mylittleviolett:  I’m super sorry you have a family that has defintions of what’s a “real” wedding and what’s not 🙁  It’s always hard when you *want* to please everyone – even if what they want isn’t for you.

I stand in the middle- if I can do something that maybe isn’t my choice, but isn’t so bad- to help make others happy, I will- at least consider it.  On the other end of spectrum- had my dad told me- when I mentioned having tiny DW- that No, I have to stay local AND have a first dance AND cut some cake for him AND this AND that- I would have just eloped- because at that point, you are stepping on my toes.  

We are very blessed that FI’s family is so chill that they are excited to come to our wedding, but were also like “if you like, just run to the courthouse!”  LOL

We are payng for our own wedding (but my dad has told us they are giving us an exact amount cash gift after the wedding (it’s pretty generous)– which is, very honestly, a large reason I felt I should take his wishes/opinion into consideration)- 

I hope that with all the “demands” your family put on you they were contributing?  A real wedding is whatever YOU want it to be 🙂

Post # 10
Member
4540 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Royalton White Sands

Ugh, I’m hoping basically this doesn’t happen to me – except church wedding vs. small semi-destination beach wedding instead of a true elopement. 

Post # 13
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I have some friends who I think this will happen to. I loved my wedding but my husband and I both like throwing parties and being the center of attention, so we just tried to make it as “partylike” rather than “weddinglike” as possible. But my two bffs who are getting married in several months are doing it JUST for their families and hate being the center of attention and are both really shy and an elopement seemed really just like more their style.

Post # 14
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@mylittleviolett:  I don’t want a wedding either. At all really. I just want my FI and I are a s marriage at the end.. BUT my FI wants a wedding. Badly. So we’re having a small but ‘propper’ wedding, because it means more to him to have it than it des to me to not. 

That said, I still want my elopment, so we’ve decided at 5 or 10 years we’ll do the elopment as a vow renewal. 

Post # 15
Member
2087 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@mylittleviolett:  I wanted a small wedding. I wanted to be able to look around and see only those people who know FI and me as a couple. I didn’t want to see people who I didn’t know, meet distant cousins for the first time at the reception etc. I guess, for me, that would mean limiting the gues list to about 50 people. Unfortunately FI has a very big party and FMIL was very concerned about inviting people who have extended invited to her in the past. I, on the other hand, have no aunts/uncles/cousins or grandparrents. It’s just my parents, my 2 sisters, brother and their partners/children. When we first booked a venue, FMIL was rejoicing because it held 140 for the sit down and 200 for the evening. I had huge reservations over the venue and ended up going with something else. The new venue can only hold 80 people. I’m much happier and FMIL has been reluctantly working on cutting her guestlist down. I would have totally regretted a bigger wedding.

Post # 16
Member
4540 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Royalton White Sands

@mylittleviolett:  I really can’t make up my mind about it. That’s really all there is to it. There’s serious pros and cons to going either way, and – 9 months out – I can’t commit to either. 

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